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Relapsed last night and feeling horrible

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by betterlife1, Apr 13, 2018.

  1. betterlife1

    betterlife1 Fapstronaut

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    so Last night after 5 days of no PMO I relapsed and did MO. However it wasn’t to porn but to a convo I was having. I am worried Bc before it’s been porn but now it’s actual convos which makes me wonder if I am going backwards. The convo involved another guy and went back and forth and I wanted to stop but kept going back. I have been dealing with my deep interest in cuckolding/sissy/forced by etc for a few years now and have felt that those things pushed me towards my curiosity of doing certain acts with the same sex. I have never considered myself gay or bi since before cuckolding etc I would watch porn but in a different manner etc. it’s come to a point where thinking of doing anything with a girl doesn’t get me arosued as easily or at all and doing certain things or having just a dirty chat with the same sex does. I am deeply worried since I want to leave it behind and be with women but after my relapse it’s like a slap in the face that makes me wonder if it’s even possible? I’m confused and unsure about my body and stressed, any advice would b great. Haven’t slept much since last night.
     
    u376 likes this.
  2. Gooding

    Gooding Fapstronaut

    Congrats on five days at first attempt.

    Since you had this experience, how about avoiding such conversations? Replace such things with healthier activities....

    All the very best
     
  3. betterlife1

    betterlife1 Fapstronaut

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    Hi Gooding thanks for responding...I want to get back into it but the guilt and disgust I have for myself right now is so much that I'm starting to wonder what if this is my life and this is what I have done to myself? I cut ties with that chat room that I go to and never going there again but I just wonder at what point will I not be turned on by all this and be turned on by what I want to be if ever? I went to the gym this morning to work off the filth of last night so I'm glad I am still doing that and not letting my other activities be affected but still feels like a heavy burden to carry around.
     
    Gooding likes this.
  4. Reborn16

    Reborn16 Fapstronaut

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    Getting a little time away from pmo (or any combination of p, m or o) and you will surely start to feel regular masculine traits coming back.

    It's certainly possible to get back to where you want to be. Pmo has conditioned you (and all of us) into feeling aroused for things that are not natural to us, sometimes not even remotely sexual.

    I haven't rebooted fully yet, but in the year or so I have been trying I have lost many of my unnatural desires including all that cuck/bi stuff.
    Try to stay busy, bide your time, trust in the long term process backed up by numerous personal accounts here and elsewhere.
     
    jeremiah960, u376 and thorswrath32 like this.
  5. gnewhope

    gnewhope Fapstronaut

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    I was an addicted chat room person. I think it was the randomness of finding people to chat with. I’m 23 days clean and feeling good. I felt terrible while doing it.
     
    Gooding likes this.
  6. Gooding

    Gooding Fapstronaut

    The recovery is the best thing you can gift yourself in your entire life.... There is great benefits for life long
     
  7. I am so sorry that you had a relapse. I know that you're feeling bad now, but if I can try and put a positive spin on this;

    - think about how long it was since you last MO

    - remember the fact that you didn't PMO this time

    - understand that you're learning what triggers you and that you've taking steps to avoid those triggers

    I had a rather stressful fortnight at work just gone, and while I knew it was coming from a while out, I found last night particularly stressful due to a large number of small things. I was thinking how the old me would have dealt with the problem - go home and PMO. Instead, I thought about the minor, temporary 'pleasure' I would have gained and what goals I wanted to achieve. The goals won out.

    It's not that you fall, it's that you get back up that matters.

    You've got this.
     
    Reborn16 likes this.
  8. Never Again

    Never Again Fapstronaut

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    I’ve dabbled in the same stuff and I can tell you, from experience, that the interest in such things does diminish over time, even from just trying NoFap over and over again with relapses in between (though far too slowly). Reducing the frequency and intensity with which you PMO will itself reduce your tastes. What you are experiencing now is short-term withdrawal symptoms, resulting in a likewise short-term increase in cravings. You need longer than a few days. Also, exercise is an excellent way of expediting this process (and killing urges, increasing confidence, etc). And if you were to quit fully for a year, well I believe the results would surprise you.

    Truthfully, wondering whether or not it is even possible is not a worthwhile question. You HAVE to do this. Even if it isn’t possible, which it is (never underestimate the plasticity of the brain), you are ridding yourself of a habit that causes you pain. Just keep charging ahead, no matter how many times you get knocked down. And eventually, you’ll break through the wall.
     
  9. Quoted for emphasis.
     
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  10. betterlife1

    betterlife1 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you to everyone for your posts and advice, truly appreciate everything!
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  11. Relapse is part of our journeys, the difference is this time you learn from it and gain strength from it as opposed to in the past just continuing to do it without a thought or consideration to how it could affect you long term. I always find it interesting to learn about other peoples niches, chat rooms were never my thing or cam girls i was very much just image and video based. I think the allure for a lot of people with chat rooms and cam girl stuff is the interaction part of it, the communication and the feeling of being able to somewhat direct the conversation. I never had the patience for all that but it all boils down to wanting an artificial gratification on demand, my motto is just because it's free doesn't mean you have to take it.
     
    Reborn16, Deleted Account and Gooding like this.
  12. betterlife1

    betterlife1 Fapstronaut

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  13. betterlife1

    betterlife1 Fapstronaut

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    On Day 2 now so hoping to keep things going!
     
  14. Gooding

    Gooding Fapstronaut

    Brother, the key is not just avoiding P. But adding lot of other healthier aspects in your day to day to life. Things that will prevent you from being alone, being bored and being upset. Physical activity, outdoor time, real life human interaction, etc.

    Commit to your recovery - there is a LIFE LONG benefit.
     
  15. betterlife1

    betterlife1 Fapstronaut

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