Relapsed, my thoughts and motivation to continue.

I believe that you should go and find complete worth in yourself before you go and find a woman

 

I'm black and my preference is white and hispanic girls

 

HP,
As my daddy you to say, "pussy is pink." Race has not a priority if you simply try to have sex. I know it's rare, but I've seen white and black women with Asian men. Not many, but again, I've seen it. Some of it is simply a preference, other times its culturally driven. But I feel genuine women will consider dating you if you get to know them. And of course you'll have to accept that there are women out there that won't. I'm black. And I've known white women who would eagerly have sex with me, but they would never consider anything more than sex. Great sex doesn't always mean you're meant to be together. Just means great sex. So take the lessons from your relapse, and keep going. Good Luck!

 

LOL, I feel you. I have a few shows I binge, but thankfully, TV tend not to be a trigger for me. I try to avoid my triggers, but that's hard when everything is a click away. Don't beat yourself up over the relapse. If you learned something from it, take it with you and move on. It's also good that you're looking for a something more that sex. But be aware, there's the big celibacy movement sweeping the country. Women not wanting to have sex before marriage. And I'm all for that. And I'm not. So you may be find Ms. Right (which is great) but you'll have to wait for the sex. (which is also okay)

 

to be honest, i think your traditional thinking was actually right. i don't think there's such great without presence of strong connection in relationship. western cultures seem to generally value sex without love too much, that's why they worry about virginity. in contrast, in asian cultures, most people see nothing wrong with virginity, they are even proud of it. as a result, much more divorces in the west than in the east, much more people suffer from mental illnesses in the west than in the east.

yeah it's tough sometimes when the urges and the loneliness are crazy. i hope ur ok man. post something here if u feel lonely.

 

Hey @HipPete , Thanks for sharing your story with such honesty and congratulations on the 85 days. That is no mean feat! But as we know the sexual urges and energy has to be dealt with in some form permanently otherwise it can't stay bottled up forever. I can quite relate to some of your post being Asian myself, and currently being in a country and state that is extremely homogenous with a majority of white people. Perhaps one difference from you is that I don't find only white women attractive, but let's say in my time I was an equal opportunity pursuer of all beautiful women! And when I was in different geographical locations I've had the good luck to go out with a variety of women from different ethnic backgrounds. One thing you may think about is that watching porn and too much TV might redefine your sense of 'beauty' to be 'white with blonde hair and blue eyes'. But beauty is truly only in the eye of the beholder, and the notion of beauty changes. It might help your chances greatly to expand your notion of beauty. There is beauty in all women, if one can develop the eye to see it. Also I think it is better to be realistic about who you are, how you present yourself, and what chance you can expect with what type of women. It's all very well to think one can have any girl you want (and many PU sites want you to believe just that), but I think otherwise. I think given your looks, attitude and personality you have a good chance with a certain section of women and you have to learn to home in to that section quickly. Then you're successful in getting dates and a relationship. There are always going to be some types of women who're simply 'out of bounds' for you and it's better to accept that and move on- there's a good reason why they're 'out of bounds'; it would probably be disastrous for you anyway. The main point to know is that you can enjoy women of different backgrounds provided you have a 'connection' with them. And you have to be realistic about what your connection is going to be. For myself, I know that I am not going to be the one who attracts women by my physique, even though I'm fit and in good shape. But I know I can charm many of them with my talk, writing and range of topics and interests- it often starts off as an intellectual connection that then grows into doing fun things together and then once the attraction deepens it can become a relationship. Having a sense of humor, being interested in music and dance helped me a lot. There are things you can develop and work on, and things you can't or may not want to (I'm not going to color my hair for any woman, or try to get ripped for that matter). You will slowly learn which type of woman is going to be attracted to what you have to offer also. So although I might find some women very attractive (and I recognize some of that is because of my P watching), if I were to go out and date I'd be a lot more realistic. Dark hair is very attractive too, you know. At the end of the day, if a woman is really attracted to you, there's nothing more attractive than that. Also realize that all people are to a greater or lesser extent shaped by their culture. Just as we find it difficult to completely shed our Asian culture and expectations, it is also difficult for others- it is good to be sympathetic to that and not think they are rejecting you- maybe they are just too limited at this stage to go out with someone from a vastly different culture. When we are younger we are more open and willing to experiment and try different things, but we are also less aware of what can work out in the long term. Yes, one can have deep and meaningful relationships with people from a different culture, but after some time women are also thinking of marriage and settling down and they may become more picky. So I suggest opening up your possibilities to non-whites, Asians, Latinas, Middle Easterners, whatever. I found it very easy to connect with all these cultures- actually many times easier than with white women. Look for the 'connection'- it is more important than your attraction....
Good luck and I hope you find what you're looking for! YB.

 

I'm Guyanese and i love white and Spanish girls. It's a self limiting belief you have because I have it to. It's a insecurity for me I believe one of the reasons I can't get white or Spanish girls is because of the color of my skin which is brown.

When I truly thought about it though, throughout my life there's was a number of times when a white or Spanish girl was Intrested in me in some sort of way. So I know this self limiting belief is not true. Even though it still comes up a lot in my life.

I'm from ny and I see quite often asIan men dating white women. And also YouTube simple pickup the two people Kong and Jesse are Asian and Indian and get tons of girls because there confident in who they are

 

@HipPete : our loneliness is lying to us man.

Few days ago i had sex with a girl at the party. Before sex, i thought that would be great if i could have sex with her. And that feeling lasted for only few minutes, then emptiness set in, then loneliness came back just like before sex.

Just like u, right now u think if u could have a gf, she would fulfill ur loneliness. No. It only lasts for few weeks, then u will get bored very quickly. Then u would think if u could have a new gf, she would fulfill ur loneliness again lol.... And the cycle will never end. Our loneliness is a fking liar.

Don't trust what happens on street. Romantic couples eh. They only show u what they want u to see. If u want to see the truth, look at old people.

About physical problems like fast heartbeat rates and brainfog when u see an attractive girl. I will try to find a way. Hang in there buddy. For now just eliminate all triggers on street by looking down which is what i do . No eyes contact, no triggers

 

Very true. What we truly seek is actually the peace that is deep within us, but we try to find it outside. If we're very very lucky we meet someone who understands that and maybe one can walk that path together. I almost thought that happened with my last experience, but it too ended in misunderstanding and a mutual parting of ways. So the best way forward is happy acceptance of whatever situation one is dealt. If we could just enjoy what is given and not expect more from it that would be perfect, wouldn't it, but the mind always wants more and to repeat pleasurable experiences. Otherwise we'd all have sex just when it happened to occur and not think twice about it- like breathing. That's where I want to be. Neither crave it nor reject it. YB.