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Relapsed today with M. / binged / but almost 60 days P. free (but with some side effects/please read

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by AJ777, Jan 9, 2021.

  1. AJ777

    AJ777 Fapstronaut
    NoFap Defender

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    Title says it all. I'm almost two months free from porn, but I just relapsed, twice today with only M. after 8 days sober from that.
    I feel like I (hopefully, maybe) have conquered P., at least for the most part, and I'm trying to focus more now on abstaining from M.
    There are many reasons why, and I won't get into all of them, but a couple of them I do want to mention.
    One is because it screws up my mood and emotions and I get all irritable and tend to think more negatively after M., and I also hate the rest of the day and next day after M, especially if I'm out in public I feel self-conscious and feel like some of my soc.anxiety returns for that brief amount of time after.
    I'm getting pretty serious about not doing M. anymore at all, ever, but I always seem to relapse between 8-14 days.

    I'm also pretty sure that I've been having some kind of withdrawals / p.a.w.s., or flatline thing going on from my porn reboot. Ever since I've stopped watching it nearly two months ago I've been having a LOT of other issues come up in my life - increased anxiety and depression (not constantly, but some days), some days feel numb and have no interest or desire to do anything at all, increased wandering thoughts, brain fog, etc. (And some days have actually been really good where I have good mental clarity and feel pretty happy) but for the most part It's been a little rough.
    The weird thing is, I haven't really been all that tempted to watch Porn at all through this 57/58 days of sobriety. There have been a few times where I was a little tempted and it crossed my mind; but only briefly. I didn't feel like I desired porn all that much, and also, I keep thinking about how devastating/destructive it is and how I don't want to go back to that dark mental place.

    So yeah, I'm not entirely sure what's going on in my head, and I know a lot of it probably has to do with the reboot/recovery process, but I'm also trying not to read into it too much, and just focus on my everyday life and take one day at a time - because in the past I have focused on side effects too much and over-analyzing my problems and issues and its not good to do that because then they are only magnified. Just trying to keep on the right path. I want to be done with PMO for good and pursue this better life that I feel like I am already (to some degree or another) living.

    THANK YOU if you take the time to read this and offer some insight or suggestions.
     
    Slowlybutsurely and FezMan76 like this.

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