Relapsed unintentionally after 250~ days...weird feelings

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Betterman92, Sep 8, 2014.

  1. Betterman92

    Betterman92 Fapstronaut

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    Hey guys,

    As you can probably tell, I've got the nofap/nofantasy stuff pretty much down pat. Haven't masturbated for almost a full year, and haven't fantasized in at least 150 or so days. I've been feeling really good! Feeling some benefits definitely, finding it easier and easier to talk to girls, and feeling less and less lonely; I just feel like communicating with people, and it's great.

    One thing has been troubling me though. Two things, actually, but I'll get to that later.

    The first one is my relapse a couple of days ago. I'm not really sure how it happened, but I was watching a video of a musician performing a song, and I got an unintentional boner from it, and well, it all went downhill from there. Since then, I feel like I've lost the majority of my confidence, my drive, my sexual hunger, it's pretty much all gone. Since then, I've been feeling all kinds of weird feelings, none that are really good...I guess the main one is kind of like tension or irritation in my groin area. I find it hard to get comfortable and it always feels really raw down there. It's bizarre. The second is that I'm getting random erections throughout the day from my pants rubbing against my shit, and everytime this happens, after the erection is gone, I feel totally deflated (even moreso than normal) and super unmotivated. I don't want to go anymore downhill, but I feel so much weird shit everyday that I feel like I'm gonna get even worse. Can anybody tell me what's going on? :(

    The second is unintentional relapses. This is how it works for me: I'll get up, be feeling great, and somehow during the day, I'll be unintentionally exposed to something sexual or pornographic in nature; it's pretty hard to avoid in today's society, honestly. After I'm exposed to it, I just feel this sort of weird feeling...Kind of like air being let of a balloon. After this happens, it's like my superpowers kind of fade off a little bit, at least until the next day. I guess my question is this: does anybody know what I'm talking about? And do you know how to avoid it? It's nearly impossible to avoid this kind of thing 24/7, it's everywhere.

    And does anybody have any idea how long it'll take for me to "recover" to where I was previously? I'm hoping to go back out of town to visit my friends and this chick I met out there soon, but I'm afraid that if I don't recover fast enough, I won't have any mojo to game it like I know I can.

    Thanks,
    Betterman
     
  2. jmark

    jmark Banned

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    You're lying to yourself. You say it's unintentional? Sure, stumbling across a vid or pic might be, but you deliberately reaching down a pounding your junk like a filthy ape is all you, bro! Totally intentional. You did that. . .on purpose. You'll quit this disgusting habit only when you really want to.
     
  3. Betterman92

    Betterman92 Fapstronaut

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    I did no such thing, and I don't appreciate being accused of such.

    Why would I lie? I have nothing to gain from it. I'm simply asking for advice about something that I've experienced and is throwing me for a loop.

    I'm quite proud of my accomplishments thus far, and if you disagree with what I'm saying here then you can get the fuck out. The door's in the top right corner, bud.
     
  4. MelancholyWeightlifter

    MelancholyWeightlifter Distinguished Fapstronaut

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    So you are referring to s relapse of fantasy, not masturbation correct?
     
  5. beauty

    beauty Fapstronaut

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    I think his second inquiry is regarding fantasy as a relapse, but not the actual act of M. The first inquiry is full blown PMO I believe.
     
  6. IGY

    IGY Guest

    Don't be nasty man - "deliberately reaching down a pounding your junk like a filthy ape" - that's disrespectful!
     
  7. Betterman92

    Betterman92 Fapstronaut

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    My apologies for being unclear - There was no masturbation at all.

    In the second inquiry, there's not even really fantasy: all I have to do is view it for one second, and I feel a sort of energy loss. I'm not really sure what you'd call it. Like I said, it's hard to avoid sexual material completely. If anything Nofap has shown me just how prevalent sex and pornography is in our culture.

    In the first inquiry, all I did was focus on the performer for 15-30 seconds. I did not masturbate or touch myself in any way. I did get an erection, but as soon as that happened I x'd out of what I was watching and killed the boner with some muscle tensing. But by then, the damage was done and I felt like I had a total relapse. Like I said, now I feel totally weird and f'd up; not myself at all. I don't know what happened!
     
  8. StopMO

    StopMO Fapstronaut

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    Better man, I wouldn't consider getting an erection from a song or something like that to be a relapse. Relax.
     
  9. MelancholyWeightlifter

    MelancholyWeightlifter Distinguished Fapstronaut

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    I see... You have my respect, you are a much better man then me. Perhaps you're used to conserving and using your sexual energy. So when it's redirected to sexual thoughts and arousal, you feel weak in comparison? Just an idea.

    I should join your quest of eliminating fantasy. Making you could PM me and we could be APs? I think I could learn from you.
     
  10. jmark

    jmark Banned

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    Okay, first off, you didn't relapse. You just got an erection.

    Secondly, I misunderstood and thought you'd masturbated and was trying to say it was unintentional. So I offer my heartfelt apologies to you.

    I was trying to be a little harsh because sometimes such harshness shocks people and helps them understand the gravity of their misdeed.

    But you didn't masturbate, so what I said doesn't apply to you. Again, apologies to you, bro!

    Carry on.
     
  11. Mystical•Citra

    Mystical•Citra Fapstronaut

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    I think this is a case of mind over matter! You are depressed that's all, let down, upset with yourself. I understand where your coming from, but truth be told you should be proud of yourself, look how far you have come! Let this be a reminder for you, and a viewpoint on the progress you have made. Your body is obviously completely rebooted and re-wired, and the sexual energies are now playing a very positive role in your life. This probably did throw your system for a shock, but no way it will last long at all. This experience is a looking glass, good job, your a much betterman now!
     
  12. Betterman92

    Betterman92 Fapstronaut

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    I hope so man. I hate this loss of energy. Honestly, the biggest thing I feel with this kind of weird relapse is loneliness. I feel intensely, intensely lonely and I find myself feeling much more sensitive about girls, relationships, etc.

    When I'm in the zone, however, I'm completely different. I'm driven to do things, and I don't feel so bad about girls and relationships. I don't feel lonely either. I could go and find it if I wanted it.

    Bah! I can't wait to get back there, lol.

    My apologies to you as well my friend. I likely came off a little meaner than I would have liked.

    Best of luck in your journey.

    Hey man. My technique for avoiding fantasy is very brute-force and simple. Honestly, whenever I get sexual images in my head, I simply say to myself (out loud if in private, in head in public) "I do not fantasize, that is not something that I do. And I respect women". I do this over and over and over again until the thought eventually gets out of my head. If I begin to get an erection from the thought, I tense my muscles to rid myself of that urge.

    It's hard, I won't lie. The first month or two will be ridiculously hard and you'll find yourself feeling as if you're making no progress at all, but I promise you that if you keep at it, eventually the fantasies will die off to very occasional, easy to avoid fleeting images that won't distress you anymore. If you relapse in any way, however, they will come back more powerful than before.
     
  13. MelancholyWeightlifter

    MelancholyWeightlifter Distinguished Fapstronaut

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    Alright, I'll do so! I think it may help my wet dream frequency.
     
  14. Mystical•Citra

    Mystical•Citra Fapstronaut

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    These feelings could also be intensified by the full moon
     
  15. Kedvesem

    Kedvesem Fapstronaut

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    You are right, Betterman92.

    But there is one cheerful thought in all this. You cannot relapse unintentionally. No one can make you relapse, and you are doing well! Keep it up!
     
  16. Finalfight123

    Finalfight123 Fapstronaut

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    Alright first off sorry about your relapse man. But just get back up. I get the same thing I get far and I let my guard down. But this is just one of those things. That said once in 250 days is major improvement so take that as it is.

    And secondly what superpowers were you referring to?
     
  17. Oh, I would like to emphasize on this, as I found this way of speaking to be by far the most effective as much as the most straight-forward. The key point here really is to make the difference between you and all the people that does it, including the person you were before. I think that marking this really shows how, in order to move on, some kind of sacrifice is needed; and without sacrifice there is no possibility to move on. Eric Thomas said it better than me. Sacrifice your old self in order to become a new you, something along the lines. "Sacrifice" sounds scary, but actually it's just something that you know you want, otherwise you wouldn't be there, you'd be elsewhere wasting your life. Also, I think that it serves the purpose of "forgive, not forget"; you recognize the fact that you might have done it previously, but you have changed, evolved, you're better now, and the better you doesn't do it. Your past is important because without it there wouldn't be the actual you; perhaps you would never have been as great as you are today without living this traumatic experience; so it's important that you do not forget it and learn from your mistakes. But you have to forgive you because otherwise you will be stuck in the past, not the present. And the last thing you want to do is being stuck in the past. Because in the past you watched porn and masturbated. And for X reason it didn't made you happy. It's so simple it's silly, but when it comes to practice, I'm baffled at how much confidence and self-respect it requires.

    Sorry I'm diverging; I just wanted to point it out as I see that we're both successful and we're using the same technic so it might inspire some people :)

    I wish you the best in your journey brother! Keep strong!
     
  18. HispanicMON

    HispanicMON Fapstronaut

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    Very helpful advice.
     
  19. Betterman92

    Betterman92 Fapstronaut

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    In the early days of Nofap (0-90), I think there was definitely a "different" kind of superpower that I felt then. I don't know if it was different as such, maybe just new to me as I had been feeling bad for so long. But after you overcome 100, 150 days, you start to notice something different. Maybe it's only if you pay attention to it, I'm not sure. But I feel a lot of different changes.

    1. Less anxiety and better mood control. This one is huge for me. I have an anxiety disorder and am generally very irritable, easily frustrated, and worried sick pretty much every day. When I experience this second round of superpowers, I don't feel as bad. I feel more in control. Things don't get to me as quickly, and I notice that my anxiety-reducing techniques that I practice work much, much more effectively when I'm at this point.

    2. More attractive to women and more driven to find companionship and relationships. This one is odd. You'd think you'd notice something so huge, but I guess it goes hand in hand with the attitude change that Nofap gives me. Relationships aren't that big of a deal anymore. And as such, I don't monitor as closely my personal interactions with women. But, hmm, honestly it's such a subtle thing it's hard to say exactly what it is. Just a different stance, attitude, or something. I'm more driven to interact with women, but this time it has purpose, intent. I'm not wishy-washy. I know what I want and what I have to do to find it. If she's not into it, that's alright. I'll stand tall and find someone else. For example: I recently went on a trip out of town to visit a couple of friends. While out there, I met this chick that lived in the downstairs apartment. Instead of dancing around her and feeling bad because I'm not doing anything, I made it a point to talk to her. To include her in conversations. We ended up sleeping in the same bed (no sex, but it's not even a big deal) on the last night of the trip there. I find it manifests in me as just this awareness of how many women there are out there, how many people I could be flirting with, gaming on a daily basis. Doesn't need to be serious! It's a great feeling. I guess it's just an increased sexual drive. It's nice!

    3. Much more focused and driven in all things, let alone women. For once, I actually WANT to do well in school. I WANT to work. I WANT to practice my guitar. It's not so much a "just do it to get by" kind of thing anymore. Working, practicing, learning, it all makes me a better person and I feel so much more motivated to improve in all aspects of my life now. It's great man.

    Problem is, those feelings are so great that coming down (relapsing, whatever you want to call it) is so much worse now. I know what I could be doing and feeling. I want it back so bad. I need to force myself to sit down and study or practice guitar now, because I don't feel that same drive to do it as before. I'm thinking of hitting the gym though, I hypothesize that the testosterone increase from working out could assist in getting my drive and hunger back again.
     
  20. Clumsy

    Clumsy Banned

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    2-3 years of complete abstinence if you were really addicted.

    Well you explain some very common issue - relapses causes more harm than people like to think.

    But you said couple of days ago? You haven't erased all your progress man, give it some days now, take it easy. Don't hang up yourself on these superpowers. There are no superpowers, there are only you and the natural you.
     
    Positive path likes this.

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