Relapsed unintentionally after 250~ days...weird feelings

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Betterman92, Sep 8, 2014.

  1. Betterman92

    Betterman92 Fapstronaut

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    I know man. Just sucks to wait. I think I may end up increasing the dose of my antidepressant all the same though. I think I might be self-medicating my anxiety issues by using Nofap to help me overcome that, and although that's great, it's not a consistent feeling of well-being, and I think I really need to tackle my anxiety issues before I can set out on achieving my ultimate goals.
     
  2. Clumsy

    Clumsy Banned

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    Do you feel antidepressants affects the reboot in any way? because I'm afraid it will kind of slow down my reboot. And i badly would need some antidepressant sometimes.
     
  3. Betterman92

    Betterman92 Fapstronaut

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    Not really. The only thing I could see affecting you is the fact that some antidepressants lower your sexual drive even more. The one I'm taking currently, Remeron, is not known to be too bad for it. At least not at 15 mg.

    I could see it making it easier to be honest. Rebooting and withdrawal for me involves a LOT of anxiety until I start feeling superpowers again, compounded by the fact that I have an anxiety disorder anyway. But if I take an Ativan, I feel a nice bit better, while still making gains in the rebooting section. Just have to find a medication that won't affect you too heavily in your sex drive.

    EDIT: I COULD see it causing problems where you're so free of anxiety that you don't stop yourself from whacking it or watching some shit, so it's a bit of a two way road. You need to be cognizant of that.
     
  4. Clumsy

    Clumsy Banned

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    But when you quit those antidepressants, it will take some time for your brain to produce more seretonin/dopamine? This is what bothers me. And do you feel superpowers and then suddenly you wake up tired and flatlining? Because this is what happens me. I started with STRONG superpowers, they all disappeared over a night and I woke up with terribly fatigue. I was fatigued and unmotivated (depressed too!) for maybe 1.5 month, then I started feeling better and better, I went to parties, traveled with my friends and engaged in light exercises. I would feel okay, with morning wood for maybe 2 months, then flatline hit me again with same symptoms, although a bit less severe from last time. however now i've been in a long flatline phase (1 month) and its slowly getting better.

    This rollercoaster road has been very emotional pain for me, and sometimes I cant stand it, but I just dont want to ruin my reboot with some strange medications and I want all my emotions back.

    But if this rollercoaster continues for long i might give antidepressants a try. Actually i have tried remeron 1.5 year ago :D i think it just made me tired and hungry.
     
  5. Mystical•Citra

    Mystical•Citra Fapstronaut

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    Anti depressants are terrible.
     
  6. Betterman92

    Betterman92 Fapstronaut

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    Antidepressants are complicated, and have been complicated for me for a number of years. I'll get into them tomorrow but I'm too tired to write about them now.

    That rollercoaster is definitely uncomfortable, but it evens out a nice bit past 90-100 days. I don't know why they chose 90 days as your "reset" time to be honest; I think it's different for everybody. I know I didn't start feeling reliably better until at least 4 or 5 months. That was from zero, mind you. There were many days where I'd wake up feeling great and go to bed wanting to give it all up again. It evens out over time, and the bad days and good days come closer and closer together until almost everyday is a "decent" day. As other people have told me (and I hope this is true), as you make progress, your relapses don't bring you completely back to zero: it won't take another 4-5 months for you to feel decent again. Maybe just two months. Who knows.

    I'll get into this tomorrow. I've had an interesting time with them and I think you'd be interested in hearing what I have to say.
     
  7. PeetaMellark

    PeetaMellark Fapstronaut

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    Be careful of antidepressants... My question is whether an erection is a 'bad' thing? Just because we're not fapping does that mean we need to deny a natural event that occurs to our body? An erection can occur without pursuing what comes afterwards correct? I'm new to this, and only on day 8 and struggling, but I haven't had an erection to distract me yet. I have butterflies ALL the time lately though, and would love to see my erection at some point, but not yet. I don't want to offend anyone, but if after 100's of days of no fapping, and doing so well, surely an erection raised naturally isn't something to be ashamed of. Is it?

    [​IMG]
     
  8. jmark

    jmark Banned

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    Ain't no shame in erections.
     
  9. PeetaMellark

    PeetaMellark Fapstronaut

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  10. JegErFransk

    JegErFransk Fapstronaut

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    Good evening,

    I finally have enough time to write the message I wanted to write!

    I feel like I experienced something similar to what you experienced in the recent days, that's the reason why I'll take some time to explain my own story:

    Oh and before I forget to tell you, I'd like to apology for my poor English, I'm definitely not a native speaker...

    My story:
    Probably like you before, I have been addicted to P and M for quite a long time... M came first, then P. As the years pasted I didn't realized I was slipping dangerously and becoming a terrible addict. I had quite interesting relationship when I was about 14... and gradually my relationships started to be worse... Sex became a priority, I wasn't respecting the girls, didn't care about their feelings (and my own feelings). To sum it up it I was a terrible jerk.

    When I see who I was with my "new" eyes, I don't recognize myself! I hate the person I used to be and the life I had at this time (at least an important part).

    You probably have a similar story to tell...

    Then came NoFap. The results were pretty long to come, but after around 80days things became crazy! I started to feel the effects of NoFap, the so called "superpower", the motivation, the energy, improved relationships (both with friends and women), the confidence. Sex wasn't a priority anymore, I slept with several girls, but not necessarily had sex.
    I was pretty sure I was cured... No fantasy anymore, I wasn't even thinking about P, M and all this shit. I've been up to 141days, I really felt great during the two last months of my streak...

    Then, something happened:
    I got sick, and I wasn't feeling great (just something that happened randomly, and should not have changed anything). I opened a magazine where I found a commercial for lingerie... I didn't pay much attention to it, but I got a boner: Few hours later, I randomly started to have boners. The day after I started, to notice all the potential sexual triggers that were surrounding me in the street... I even caught myself dreaming about sex (porn-like sex, not normal sex!)
    I was going crazy, I could not control myself anymore!

    And honestly, you have been stronger than I have: I masturbated!

    It may be strange for you, but after I masturbated, I realized what was wrong... During those 141days, I had been relying in willpower mostly (which is also apparently your technique): I kept repeating in my mind "M is not something you do"... I was doing great, I was succeeding in this challenge, I had some good results and my mindset changed drastically. I felt like I was cured... But I wasn't!

    The day I masturbated was the day I realized two things were controlling my mind in different directions.
    The first one was frustrating the other by avoiding P, M and any other sexual trigger
    The second one was like a steam machine without evacuation: I was accumulating steam again and again, and when the pressure would be too high, I would simply explode.

    Your brain, the addicted part, the one you are trying to get rid of, feel like it is one of its last chances...
    You know how good it is to live without PMO, you realized how miserable your life was before, so you feel frustrated. You feel bad because your own brain is telling you to do something you hate and you want to reject! That's the worse feeling ever, when something bad is coming from your own brain. You are doing great, you have to resist! This feeling will slowly disappear!

    I masturbated, I can tell you how bad it was. I felt like it could never get back on track and experience what I experienced during NoFap. I pleased my addicted-self... I said to myself it was too late, that I could M once again, my progress was lost anyway... So I M 5 times in 45days, feeling worse every-time!

    All the progress won't be lost, but I was so close from a full recovery... I'm pretty sure the urge that come when you start feeling amazing (and maybe you are a bit less cautious with NoFap), is the expression of your addiction. It is even worse because it is its last chance to make you slip to the addiction. You are about to make it man! It is probably your last fight! Don't loose all your progress!

    You have done, and you are doing, an amazing job... The success is not so far from you, but you have the most difficult part remaining: it is not about winning little battles anymore, it is about winning the war!
    The day your brain acknowledge you'll never get back to your addiction. Porn-dopamine is over.
    I haven't been til the end of the last battle... It may last 15days or 2months, but if you make it, it will be the last one!

    A part of your brain is craving for porn-dopamine, don't listen to it, listen to the small voice that tell you how good things are without it!

    Btw, if I were you, I would be cautious with anti-depressors, it is like a substitute for the dopamine you get with M or P, it may harm your progress...

    Just remember how far you have been and how close from success you are!
     
  11. Sean5555

    Sean5555 Fapstronaut

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    This isn't a relapse at all. I get boners all the time- but I don't masturbate because of them. Honestly, I'm pretty lenient with what I consider a relapse- at least for now, I am. As long as I'm not jerking it or watching hardcore porn for hours, I'm still on track.
     

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