relapsed

[kumarach]

I don't know how to get rid of this feeling of loneliness i have inside of myself it fells like i am pretty useless and with nowhere to escape into.
I'm done being a burden to people. I really am. I can't look myself in the eye and see a respectable person, i can't see anyone i feel empty. i feel like there's nothing inside myself i feel hollow and useless academically physically mentally emotionally every possible way i feel like i can't be of any use to anyone.

my academics demand me to be disciplined and focused onto the work i am having at hand and the person i am i procrastinate a lot. like a lot. i tell myself i'll study in an hour in half an hour and that way i keep doing the shit till it's completely over and i'm left with no time and a lot of work.

i feel lonely all the friends that i have are really intelligent and bring good marks and here i am a looser with no achievements and a low gpa. i wish i knew how to feel less useless to procrastinate less and feel less weird about being alive.

I failed as a boyfriend, as a son, as a friend too this is something i don't want to fail at.
i want to succeed at it. i want to be a good electronics engineer i want to go into r and d and here when i look at the system running after marks and that's all i feel wierd and it kills my curiosity to study.
none the less i am to be blamed i procrastinated and landed up in this position and i feel like i deserve this punishment.
i wish i were better, i wish i were a better person a better friend to people, a better son, a better guy i wish i could have been something meaningful to someone rather than being this useless mess of nothingness with nothing inside myself but hollowness.

 

[mentorr]

I don't know how to get rid of this feeling of loneliness i have inside of myself it fells like i am pretty useless and with nowhere to escape into.
I'm done being a burden to people. I really am. I can't look myself in the eye and see a respectable person, i can't see anyone i feel empty. i feel like there's nothing inside myself i feel hollow and useless academically physically mentally emotionally every possible way i feel like i can't be of any use to anyone.

my academics demand me to be disciplined and focused onto the work i am having at hand and the person i am i procrastinate a lot. like a lot. i tell myself i'll study in an hour in half an hour and that way i keep doing the shit till it's completely over and i'm left with no time and a lot of work.

i feel lonely all the friends that i have are really intelligent and bring good marks and here i am a looser with no achievements and a low gpa. i wish i knew how to feel less useless to procrastinate less and feel less weird about being alive.

I failed as a boyfriend, as a son, as a friend too this is something i don't want to fail at.
i want to succeed at it. i want to be a good electronics engineer i want to go into r and d and here when i look at the system running after marks and that's all i feel wierd and it kills my curiosity to study.
none the less i am to be blamed i procrastinated and landed up in this position and i feel like i deserve this punishment.
i wish i were better, i wish i were a better person a better friend to people, a better son, a better guy i wish i could have been something meaningful to someone rather than being this useless mess of nothingness with nothing inside myself but hollowness.

The beauty (and irony) of this post is that there is nothing stopping you from being any of these things but yourself. You can be successful academically, you can be a great son or friend. Not only can you be a good electronic engineer, you can be a great one. But you have to stop being hard on yourself and start showing yourself the love you deserve. If you don't support yourself why should anybody else?!

If you failed as a boyfriend, ask yourself why? Why are you not a good son? Why do you struggle to make friends? Step out of the pool of self-hatred and begin to understand where all these negative emotions come from. If not for others then for yourself.

 

[kumarach]

thanks a lot for posting this. i needed to hear this from someone.
i had an exam today i went kinda fine-not fine but what my take away from yesterday was to not really give in to temptation and moreover to not peek.
i have decided that i will be keeping my device that i use for watching porn separate from my bed and study table-prefarably in
a drawer and only touch it when i have use. that way i will first break the psychological relation between the location and viewing porn