Relapsing after 200+ Days of reboot (BAD IDEA)

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by NoneForMeThanks, Feb 27, 2015.

  1. NoneForMeThanks

    NoneForMeThanks Fapstronaut

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    Hey all,

    Ill try to keep this brief. I thought I had the addiction beat. I did my 90 day hard mode reboot and began to add in just MO very moderately. Just once every few weeks at first, then about once a week as time passed. But then the though started creeping in on me. I can handle the porn, maybe I can just view it moderately? Keep myself under control? This thought never went away and I eventually gave in.

    Over 250 days in, I only did it 3 times about a week apart, only about 10 minutes a piece and never having more than 1 O. The first 2 times I thought I had all this beat. But after the third time MY BRAIN SHUT DOWN. Dopamine overload. Complete for for nearly 2 weeks. Couldn't think or focus at all. It was then I realized, my serious porn abuse for years really had a serious affect on my brain. My friends, who have never abused porn, have never reported any such phenomenon happening to them. I really re wired my brain with porn, and I just cracked it open again after 250+ days of reboot. Man I felt stupid....

    It was then I realized that I actually seriously affected my life and brain with my stupid decisions growing up with watching porn. My neurochemistry will never be the same for the rest of my life, so im convinced.

    There are lessons here for every level of the reboot...

    For the new guys, KEEP GOING. The reboot SIGNIFICANLY IMPROVED EVERY ASPECT OF MY LIFE. Ive never been happier than the 200 days ive been off the porn. Once you get some serious days behind you dont go back. Please. Your brain will feel so shitty and it will not feel as good as your brain will trick you to think.

    For the "vetrans": Dont relapse.Stay vigilant. Never think youre past or can "handle" the porn. My brain seriously disagreed with that claim. I didnt totally loose all progress, but I back tracked quite a few steps which was probably the worst feeling ever.

    Learn this from me guys. Relapsing SUCKS. I will never watch porn again. It completely fucks with your brain. HARD.

    Please everyone, use this story to stay on the right track. Get your brain chemistry healthy and get off this stupid drug. CHEERS
     
  2. Dorian Gray

    Dorian Gray Fapstronaut

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    I agree I just relapsed on the 27th and i feel so crap for doing it. I was mad at myself all day. I agree 100% with everything you just said. it's like the walk of shame ever time you PMO. please don't put yourself through that shame guys. it's not worth it. trust me
     
  3. Lemonquack

    Lemonquack Fapstronaut

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    Great story to share. Well done on the 250 days though. Hoping you make it again.
     
  4. foodman389

    foodman389 Fapstronaut

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    That 80 year goal Dorian
     
  5. OurLiP

    OurLiP Fapstronaut

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    I wish you the best in adding up those days once more. Just coming to 90 days seems like a daunting task for me and many others on this site, so what you've done is amazing already (remember that!).
     
  6. fapadonna

    fapadonna Fapstronaut

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    Good work on the 250 days. I started at a similar time as yourself. I lasted about 120 days before I MO'd thinking about a woman I went on a few dates with. To be honest I was worried that I would O super fast with her on our next date.
    Fast forward 4 months & here I am finding myself tossing off 3-5 times a week. No porn thankfully but I still feel the negative setbacks.
    I'm aiming to not MO for lent. I will take it from there once Easter hits.
    Stay strong gentlemen
     
  7. Squeaky Soul

    Squeaky Soul Fapstronaut

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    What's up dude,

    Relapse is hard, even harder after such a long streak.

    The downward spiral - One relapse after many months, another relapse a couple of weeks later, then another screw up a week later, and before you know it you can't last a day, and start doing it multiple times a day.

    That was my story after the relapse after 278 days. I am strong now. Once you last a few more days and get out of that funk you're currently in, I'll share some tips with you man. You can only use them when you're stable and back up and strong on your feet.

    In the mean time, GET PISSED OFF AT PORN. IT'S MADE YOU FEEL TERRIBLE, IT'S CAUSED YOU SUFFERING, AND EMBARRASSMENT! Whenever you get an urge, a temptation, any sexual thought, KILL THAT DEMON WITH YOUR ANGER!

    Seriously, get pissed off, get upset at temptation, and force it away. Further, let it fuel you for your work outs.

    GET MAD!

    ~SQUEAKY SOUL
     
  8. Moxie

    Moxie Fapstronaut

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    200 days is more than I've ever had. That takes grit. Sorry you relapsed. Better luck this time.
     
  9. Dorian Gray

    Dorian Gray Fapstronaut

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    yea I never wanna do drugs again till im dead.
     
  10. marriedlady

    marriedlady Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for sharing, it sounds like you have learned a lot about yourself and how you want to live your life, don't let the relapse make you feel bad. Focus on all you have accomplished!! As you said, there are lessons for all levels ... there is no magic formula, what works for one at one time may or not work for someone else under the same circumstances. You have just inspired me, i've made it for 90+, relapse, on week 18 of my journey, good luck on yours!! keep up the amazing work!!
     
  11. Phibz

    Phibz Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for taking the time to share this. It really hit home. I have thoughts like that from time to time. I know that this is about so much more than chokin' it. And I know if I don't get off my ass and work on myself, I'll relapse eventually. We have each other's experiences to grow from. Successes and failures alike. I was able to get a glimpse of the future because of your sharing this. Now I can focus more clearly on recovery, instead of getting bogged down in "what if" thoughts. Don't beat yourself up too bad. See it for what it is and continue along on this journey.
     
  12. IGY

    IGY Guest

    NoneForMeThanks - I am surprised that someone of your experience with these issues, would use a avatar that would be arousing for those attracted to male body builder types - not me btw.
     
  13. EarthDragon

    EarthDragon Fapstronaut

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    The same thing happened to me after 100 days clean. I was wondering if someone could go back to "safe" porn and masturbation habits but now I'm convinced that it is not possible. Thanks for sharing.
     
  14. Recover#wrongdeeds

    Recover#wrongdeeds New Fapstronaut

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    Can some one give me
    Tips I daid nofao for 120 days then I fapped for 4 times in 2 days
    And again I fapped 3 times after 2 weeks aprrox
    I m feeling exhausted and tired
    I m feeling bad
    M I on day 1 again
    Someone please tell me what to do to recover
    Is taking banana beneficial.
     

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