Relapsing Again & Again

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Shivi, Sep 11, 2018.

  1. Shivi

    Shivi New Fapstronaut

    I started by reboot journey back in May on my b’day. But since then i’ve relapsed x5. Every time i relapse i feel like shit just after ejaculating. And the interesting part is that after every relapse i make a plan in my mind that everytime i get the compulsive thoughts, i would think this and that to avoid the relapse. Some of them are as follows:
    • Started with the most lame technique to do push ups, squats or any workout which didn’t even saved me once.
    • Second most lame one was to just go out for a walk or run around the block. That also didn’t even saved me once.
    • Then i read an article on energy transmutation which helped twice or thrice but relapsed again. This happened after every 2-3 weeks streak.
    • Then i got to a pretty common one which is “Find a Hobby”, which always helped me to avoid pmo for 1-2 weeks but suddenly relapse every now nd then.
    Then i created one on my own that everytime i feel the compulsion i would say to myself that “what would you get by masturbating to other people having sex,waste your sexual energy” and convince my mind to use that sexual energy in getting rich to get girls like those.

    • Some things that you should know about me before giving me any suggestions would be:
    • I am a very insecure person maybe because i haven’t achieved anything in my life yet.
    • I am good looking because few strangers have told me on my face and smart because i pass most of my toughest exams by just 1-2 days study which students prepare for like months.
    • Even then I don’t have a gf and am a virgin because of my i think worst Social Skills. I completely change the way i talk around girls. Sweat my hands up and my face becomes extremely oily in social gatherings.
    Get ED every now and then and then get scared to death. I have watched all the most attractive pornstars i.e. lana rhodes, jessa rhodes, kendra sunderland, asa akira, karma rx, leah gotti, hundreds more like them. Masturbated to an extent to them that don’t find them attractive for some time. At some points i even start to think that i am gay and start to watch gay and pegging porn but that just worsen the anxiety. Always reassure myself that i am not gay by looking at gay porn and nice looking men which always give the same answer “not gay”. These problems get away after some days of abstaining i find all the mentioned pornstars attractive again (Why won’t anyone).

    Please suggest me how to avoid relapse. I mentioned my personality as someone like me would give the best advice.

    Deleted Account likes this.
  2. Mattew

    Mattew Fapstronaut

    Do not watch porn.

    Do not watch it.

    Put porn out of your life, finish, nada, end.
  3. Shivi

    Shivi New Fapstronaut

    But every time i go to a social gathering, have an exam or try to talk to girls with getting rejection as a result i get extremely anxious and brain just want that dopamine to nullify that and then I compulsively relapse.

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