Religious people. Do you ever think that you're being too hard on yourselves?

A group for members of all religions, or no religion at all, to talk about religion

  1. There's such a clear relationship between the shame of watching pornography and masturbation when combined with being a part of the church. This is even despite there being dozens of bible passages that are supposed to teach and convey forgiveness.

    I think the biggest one is perhaps:

    This doesn't just mean others. It means forgiving yourself.

    The standard that I see religious people holding themselves to is generally much higher than others, which means that any regression or 'failure' is often taken very badly. In particular because there is such a huge degree of shame attached. I think this is really unhealthy. Because despite the fact that it is healthy to feel some degree of guilt and want to do better, people who are religious tend to exhibit traits that are very much inline with defeatism.

    I'd like to remind our religious friends and members here that NoFap is your journey. You are the one to hold yourself accountable for your actions.

    One of my favorite quotes and thus one that I think should instantly remind any who follows the faith, to forgive themselves immediately and work towards a next better attempt - is this quote:

    This is what I think should sum up the entire idea of the faith.

    Your duty is not completely to just always succeed against all odds, but to not destroy yourself (and thus entirely throw away your ability to succeed) in the process.

    Keep working hard and don't allow your faith (through shame) to be an obstacle towards your success. Allow it to be your strength, maybe even the sole reason why you succeed.

  2. Evig Faith

    Evig Faith Fapstronaut

    I often found that a lot of religious people view repentance as a punishment, when it isn’t. It’s a time when you realize that you have to rely on God and His help. It’s a time to gain humility. Christ lived and died to better understand mortality and our needs, and to help us get back on the path when we stray off it.

    I guess that’s where the difference between guilt and shame come handy. Recognizing you done wrong is guilt, while considering yourself a bad person because of your actions is shame. Guilt is good to have; it pushes you to change your actions. Shame makes it worse. It doesn’t give you hope. If anything, it only creates blame, whether to yourself or even to God.

    I think religious people feel too much of that shame, due to them being raised in their beliefs or whatever, when God doesn’t see them as being bad.
    drac16 likes this.
  3. My confessor told me "God loves you more than yourself". I do believe it. I've always been a perfectionist and always have been too hard with myself, I always take the guilt of everything that goes wrong, always regret my decisions... Maybe it is influenced by my religion, in part, another part is how my mother raised me, as she is perfectionist too. I agree totally with you, but I would never give up religion to feel guilt-free because it wouldn't work anyway. We have to keep in mind that God's mercy is far greater than our behavior and sins. I find a bit hard to have that rock-solid self-esteem that atheists have, but I work on it, and try that it doesn't become ego.
    Deleted Account and need4realchg like this.

    EXPONENTIALLY Fapstronaut

    As a saved Christian, in my opinion and based on my experience and even inspired by the very word of God, the term "Religious" means "Hypocrite, Lost, Self-Righteous, Deceived". Jesus, during His Jewish earthly ministry, was put in opposition to the religious authority and He exposed and called them out many times. It's like they either don't have that spiritual discernment, the sincere faith and love for God instead of the ego and the worldly traditions, or they are corrupted by their power over the people and they were affraid to be exposed and thrown out by Jesus astonishing teachings of truth and obviously all the miracles for which He was famous.

    And the Jews' passover was at hand, and Jesus went up to Jerusalem. And found in the temple those that sold oxen and sheep and doves, and the changers of money sitting: And when he had made a scourge of small cords, he drove them all out of the temple, and the sheep, and the oxen; and poured out the changers' money, and overthrew the tables; And said unto them that sold doves, Take these things hence; make not my Father's house an house of merchandise. And his disciples remembered that it was written, The zeal of thine house hath eaten me up [a prophecy of Jesus in Psalm 69]. Then answered the Jews and said unto him, What sign shewest thou unto us, seeing that thou doest these things? Jesus answered and said unto them, Destroy this temple, and in three days I will raise it up. [Jesus is about to give His flesh for the life of the world, before resurrecting 3 days after].Then said the Jews, Forty and six years was this temple in building, and wilt thou rear it up in three days? -John 2:13-19

    The Jewish religious authority back then claimed to know and follow the scriptures but they denied their very Messiah / Christ (annointed king to save them from the world and give them eternal life) when He was here whereas Moses and all the prophets announced His coming. They probably thought it would be a military earthly saviour to give them more power on this present fallen world, they didn't consider the eternal salvation of their souls and their rewards in Heaven. So out of pride or jealousy and hatred they fulfilled the prophecy of the good news by crucifying Jesus Who shed His blood for the eternal justification of anybody who trusted His finished work at the cross (and then rose again assuring the eternal glorified body He'll give to Christians).

    So Christianity is a free belief rather than a religion. Because if you fall into religion, you fall into fear and pride and envy and hatred and folly, which is why there has been terrorism for religious motives. You can make a religion out of any work-based salvation type of belief (do this and don't do that in order to be saved, and be careful to not lose your salvation, etc.). But the Holy Bible is very clear that salvation is FREE, it's the free gift of God to us that is acquired by faith only instead of works, and then if you get saved by hearing, understanding and trusting the good news, you get sealed and even baptized by the Holy Spirit, spiritually circumcised, made a new creature, born again, you have eternal life with God Who will never leave you as He said, I mean you can not lose your salvation once you got it.

    Now salvation produces good works, because as it is written, we are still made to please God and unto good works and expressing the fruits of the Spirit (having charity, peace, courage, etc.). But everyone has their own pace in the process, that is called SANCTIFICATION. For example, nofap, or sexual purity is good for my sanctification. That is to say I'll grow faster or better stronger as a Christian if I remain sexually pure. That's an example. But religious people CONFOUND sanctification which is the growing process in Christ out of gratitude or joy and love WITH salvation which happens once and for all by faith (Ephesians 2:8-9). Some religious group even forbid their members to read their texts or assume only "priests" of some sort can properly interpret them on their behalf. But the Bible calls us to read and study the Word and that only Jesus is our great High Priest.

    So anyway, religious people are probably hard on themselves and even appear very sweet I guess most of the time, but a false balance is an abomination to the LORD, and they might get eaten up by their zeal into corrupted idolatry and sins. I think they just need to hear the truth and wake up to the freedom that is tied to it.

    But good works are essential once you're saved but it's a supernatural process and it gives you rewards in Heaven.

    But you're allowed to trip in the old person obviously. It's the wrestling between flesh and spirit. It's okay, a child has to learn to walk before running.

    Here' s what our apostle Paul said:

    For we know that the law is spiritual: but I am carnal, sold under sin. For that which I do I allow not: for what I would, that do I not; but what I hate, that do I. If then I do that which I would not, I consent unto the law that it is good. Now then it is no more I that do it, but sin that dwelleth in me. For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh,) dwelleth no good thing: for to will is present with me; but how to perform that which is good I find not. For the good that I would I do not: but the evil which I would not, that I do. Now if I do that I would not, it is no more I that do it, but sin that dwelleth in me. I find then a law, that, when I would do good, evil is present with me. For I delight in the law of God after the inward man: But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members. O wretched man that I am! who shall deliver me from the body of this death? I thank God through Jesus Christ our Lord. So then with the mind I myself serve the law of God; but with the flesh the law of sin. -Romans 7:14-25

    And we reap what we sow the Bible tells us, God is not mocked. But His righteousness brings pleasures forevermore and joy and even riches sometimes. So we can be tried like silver is tried, but only to make it out into a wealthier place.

    He withdraweth not his eyes from the righteous: but with kings are they on the throne; yea, he doth establish them for ever, and they are exalted. And if they be bound in fetters, and be holden in cords of affliction; Then he sheweth them their work, and their transgressions that they have exceeded. He openeth also their ear to discipline, and commandeth that they return from iniquity. If they obey and serve him, they shall spend their days in prosperity, and their years in pleasures. -Job 36:7-11
    Last edited: Sep 4, 2019
  5. A really great book about this is For the Love, by Jen Hatmaker. Totally changed my life. I used to be a perfectionist and way too hard on myself, and I'm totally different now. All about grace, for myself included, and my whole perspective has shifted. God is full of grace.
    GigglingTrout likes this.
  6. coconutoil

    coconutoil Fapstronaut

    im muslim, so idrk a lot about how christianity sees porn (though fundamentally i doubt its all that different from islam). but it makes sense when religious people get hard on themselves, because we know god is always watching us, even when we do the most vile and disgusting things we would never let anyone see, much less our creator. maybe its not healthy, but the thought of that can be overwhelming at times.
  7. Yes. And no.

    Yes I’m harder on myself because the stakes are high. But “no” I’m not harder because let’s remember it took 40 years for Moses to repent, 40 years for Israelites to get home, and for Jacob’s sons a whole generation (40 years) to repent for the sin they committed with abandoning Joseph and hiding it from their father

    God didn’t create time on earth just to be restricted in saving us because we impose some “7 strikes and you’re out” policy on ourselves or fellow believers.
    I try to resist the “urge” to repent in a panic , repent because of fear or anxiety. It’s ALWAYS false Repentance is a gift and using fear to extract a confession, a statement or a recanting of a belief is always wrong. Extracted testimonies or creeds using fear are no good to anyone in an earthly court or a heavenly one. If we understood this is wrong, just plain wrong we would not expect to force others through manipulative tactics. It defies Gods law of love.

    I’m aware some of my fellow nofap theologians will call this “cheap grace” their counter is grace is only avail provided you don’t repetitively fail—- you should go and “sin no more.”

    Go and sin no more includes falling, and forgiveness.

    In reality the forgiveness that Peter was re-taught (70x7) is far more than his colleagues were practicing. The scribes taught the people to forgive 3x as a norm in jesus’ Day—he thought he was being very generous with 7.

    Imagine if your wife had a 3x forgiveness rule ? Or a 7 times to be forgiven. Then we would see our fallacy in restricting the water hose of grace from rounding the edges of our stony hearts.

    Christ told peter that his understanding of Grace was shallow.

    The scripture says “my grace is sufficient for you. “

    When Christ died for a sin, his grace is not limited to committing it only once, only 3 times, or 7 times. Frankly
    It’s not infinite either. The period of grace given to Israel before judgement was finite... 490 years. But no human was able to outlive God’s Grace.

    We must forgive ourselves using His standard not our own artificial timeline for perfection. Grace is sufficient so that we can overcome it.
    Last edited: Sep 6, 2019
    Hold it in and goodnice 2.0 like this.

    EXPONENTIALLY Fapstronaut

    Once you're saved, you have the Holy Spirit dwelling with your soul (the new creature), and you just hate grieving that very Holy Spirit inside you, you never enjoy sin in the end. That's why it's hard to explain with words, basically you want to do your utmost best to walk in the Spirit taming your flesh, like taming a horse to ride it properly without letting it carring you away into unwanted places. Plus you can accumulate treasures in Heaven doing so, in addition to the place God prepared for you. But I view it as a sinusoidal exponential trend, stairs, ups and downs are just part of the sanctification process.
    need4realchg likes this.
  9. onceaking

    onceaking Fapstronaut

  10. I have no interest in whatever this video is. I loved that book and it changed my life, through the power and grace of God. If you don't want to read it, don't. It's pretty simple.

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