Remaking myself, the Beginning of the Owari

Greetings.

Before I go into the story that is killing my soul from within, I feel it is nessecary to talk about myself. I am an American Teenager who spends the majority of his time either studying or surfing the internet. I am currently trying to teach myself Japanese using my iPad and have been making very good progress for a year and a half (up to now). In fact, Owari means end, which is my username and reflects my goal. When I'm not doing this I'm surfing the web, playing games or learning about things. Spiritually, I am a Chrisitian with (I know this sounds weird) some Islamic practices.

Back to my story, my self-destructive PMO began when I was surfing youtube and came across a Korean movie video. I viewed it and then inapproppiate scenes appeared. I then found other similar videos like this, and came up to a commercial. I then began to start PMO, and this has continued ever since. I have tried everything I could think of to end this. I have seen Christian and Islamic videos on Youtube on this matter to try and find a solution. I try to follow what I find in these videos and articles but in the end I can't seem to end it. I know that the spirit of evil is contaminating me and killing my soul, and I want to stop. I was able to stop for an entire day before relapsing. I hate it, and it makes me hate myself. Every time I do it, I feel pleasure only for a few seconds before being overcome with guilt and shame. It makes me feel dirty, and I know that in the end God knows what I'm doing and I will be held accountable for this. It costs me studying time and time for other better activities. I feel for this I should make a list of ten reasons why I want to quit:

1. I can get ED
2. If I continue I'll be doing this for the rest of my life
3. I always get a headache from it
4. I feel guilty and ashamed each time
5. I know things like porn are dirty, and take advantage of the people starring in it
6. It is a complete waste of time and cost me precious time I could otherwise be using to study
7. It is against my morals and religion and I know I'll be held accountable for this in the end
8. I get no benefit except 3 seconds of pleasure, which is nothing compared to what I am and could do to myself
9. It makes me a dirty person and could turn me into a pervert
10. I'm basically telling myself I have no issue with people like my friends or family being in porn (in the event they were) and being taken advantage of, or others going into PMO, because I'm doing it myself, right?


Starting tomorrow, I'm going to try and reboot and perhaps keep a journal here on NoFap I thank anyone who reads this and I plan to try my utmost best to end this dirty habit once and for all.

 

Thank you very much! I actually never looked back at my list until I saw your post, and reading it helped defeat the urges I was having recently. I'll try and expand upon this list in my Journal.

Thank you!