Remember the reasons!

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by chrysion, Dec 30, 2019.

  1. chrysion

    chrysion Fapstronaut

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    Let's not forget what we're leaving behind and what we're going for!

    15 days into my recovery, I am still very determined, but I am starting to forget the reasons for being disgusted with PM and resolving to revolutionize my life.

    Every day I will post in this thread. I will (1) remember the reasons I hate PM and where I was and (2) remember the man I want to become.
     
  2. chrysion

    chrysion Fapstronaut

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    Day 1

    Before my recovery, I was a slave to porn addiction and masturbation. My body controlled my mind. My hormones dictated my schedule and my actions. I lied to myself and I hid my problems from others. I made excuses. I was sad, depressed, lonely, confused, disoriented, unfocused, undisciplined, unsatisfied, empty, discouraged and unmotivated. I had ambitious goals of really succeeding in certain ways, things which require a lot of motivation and self-discipline, but every time I tried to get started, I couldn't keep it up because I was so discouraged and distracted by my sexual addiction.

    I dream of being a man fully in control of his mind and body. I dream of aggressively and fearlessly pressing towards the vision and achieving my goals. I dream of living a productive and purpose-driven life. I dream of healthy relationships where I can look someone in the eye and they see the real me - the confident, sensitive me. I dream of being healthy, eating foods which fuel my body, and being lean and active. I dream of being a wise person, someone who has really found the meaning to life and is not anxious about what he does not have, but is thankful for all that he does have. All of these things are achievable. With God's help, the dreams can come true.
     
    Last edited: Jan 2, 2020
  3. Lone wolf...

    Lone wolf... Fapstronaut

    That's worth fighting for chrysion! Thanks for reminding us!
     
  4. chrysion

    chrysion Fapstronaut

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    Thanks @Lone wolf...!

    Day 2

    My M relapse today gave me a fresh taste of all the reasons I hate PM and how it ruins my life. It really does ruin my life. That M wasn't worth the instant regret. And it solved no problems. Rather, it created problems. It made me discouraged and frustrated.

    Rather than M'ing and getting discouraged and frustrated, I am going to overhaul my life even more, and I will love the transformation so much that I will not want to return to PM ever again.
     
    Last edited: Jan 2, 2020
  5. chrysion

    chrysion Fapstronaut

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    Day 3

    When I watched porn, I saw any naked woman I could ever wish to see. I binged and I binged. I searched and I searched. I bookmarked and I bookmarked. I downloaded and I downloaded. Through all the searching, bookmarking and downloading, I would always be looking to the next clip, the next picture. I never had an end goal in mind. I never thought, "If I can download 100 porn videos I'll be happy". It was a never-ending fervent quest for something hotter, something sexier, something kinkier. But I was never satisfied. All I had was the "porn buzz", the over-stimulated yet dead feeling of wading through an ocean of porn and finding everything I could possibly desire (and more), with women of every shape and size available to me, yet fulfillment being forever elusive. No set of breasts, no perfect butt, no body shape or body part has ever made me happy. And I saw all of them. No, to the contrary, as my porn and masturbation increased, my depression, hopelessness and selfishness also increased, and I withdrew into myself, hiding my true self from others. This was my life.

    Porn and masturbation brought death, but sobriety and discipline will bring life!! I envision a hopeful and healthy future for myself. I will take life by the horns. I will work and sweat, think and pray, until I have achieved my purpose and calling. I will have a healthy pride, but not a selfish narcissism, and I will have self-respect and satisfaction with my life. I will care about others and have healthy emotional relationships. I will have a useful and fulfilling career, a fit body and a disciplined schedule. I will have a wife who loves and respects me, and children too. Oh, doesn't this sound better than porn and masturbation? How can I even compare them?
     
    Last edited: Jan 2, 2020
  6. chrysion

    chrysion Fapstronaut

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    Day 4

    When I was stuck in PM, my life was a mess. I could not make myself happy, and I was ashamed to look at people and to socialize, especially with girls.

    Now my schedule is improved, my diet is improved, my social life with girls is improved. I have a purpose and I envision even more strength, focus, joy and fulfillment in the future because of the wise and ambitious lifestyle I am training myself to lead. Nothing can convince me to go back to PM. It's worthless - don't waste your time. I have better things to do.
     
  7. chrysion

    chrysion Fapstronaut

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    Day 5

    When I would do PM, I never felt good about myself afterwards. It was a compulsive behavior that met no needs of mine. It made me sad, not happy. It didn't remove problems, it added problems. It didn't improve my sexuality, it damaged it. It didn't make me more confident in socializing with girls, it made me less confident. I wasted so much time with it.

    The good thing about doing PM for so long is that I am thoroughly convinced I hate it and want to be forever free from it! I envision a pure, focused, wise, confident, healthy me in the days ahead. Nothing is going to stop me from achieving these goals. They are quite achievable. Anyone who reads this, determine to change. If you can obsessively watch porn, you can obsessively go for the Olympic gold medal in your life as well!
     
  8. Lone wolf...

    Lone wolf... Fapstronaut

  9. Nomar

    Nomar Fapstronaut

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    Great reminder thank you! I feel your determination bro. Let’s do this. A new year, a new decade, a new era!
     
    chrysion and Lone wolf... like this.
  10. chrysion

    chrysion Fapstronaut

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    Yes, we can do this! We have so many reasons not to do PM, and so many reasons to accomplish other things!
     
    Nomar likes this.
  11. chrysion

    chrysion Fapstronaut

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    Day 6

    When I was doing PM, I was never really happy. The more I saw the fantasy girls, the less I wanted to be around real girls! What I thought would make me happy never did.

    In my freedom, I am noticing much more female attention! They just want to talk with me, they like me, they think I'm interesting. Somehow I must be displaying a sensitivity, respect and confidence which I didn't have before. I envision my social life continuing to grow and my fear of relationships continuing to disappear. This can't happen soon enough. Time to make up for all of my countless hours wasted on PM futility. Time to go for that gold medal. If you are on this forum seeking freedom and yet are still doing PM, you are doing something that you hate that is a logjam blocking all of your goals. Just absorb that.
     
  12. chrysion

    chrysion Fapstronaut

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    Day 7

    When I was doing PM, I felt dirtier and dirtier. My self-image went down and down. My desperation and depression went up and up. I never found hope or happiness in porn or masturbation.

    No more. I envision a bright future with my satisfaction and fulfillment coming from God, my work, my health, my family and other people! There is nothing that can replace this. I have learned that much. I will never go back to my old way. It's a futile way to live. I live for hope.
     
    ahighertruth, sankinutella and Nomar like this.
  13. chrysion

    chrysion Fapstronaut

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    Day 8

    When I was doing PM, it never made me happy. No matter how many exotic girls I looked at, they never satisfied my lust. Instead of being satisfied, I would look and look, search and search, until I was saturated with porn. This led to a horrible kind of slimy, depressed feeling - worse than the feeling of eating an entire bowl of M&Ms for lunch. I was still horny, so I'd go to the bathroom and finish the M. After this I felt even worse. Yes, the M gave me a small relief - but it gave me a relief from the arousal due to watching porn! If I would have taken porn out of my life, I wouldn't get so aroused and I wouldn't need to M.

    I am done with this way of living. I envision a hopeful future. I will have a good schedule, a healthy diet, fulfilling work and productive days. I will put PM way in the past, and I will find a sweet girl and marry her. I want this much more than PM. I'm never going back!
     
    ahighertruth, sankinutella and Nomar like this.
  14. Nomar

    Nomar Fapstronaut

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    You’re right on the money. Lust is never satisfied. It never satisfies us. It leaves us empty and broken.
    Choosing life is always so much better. Keep on keeping on!
     
    sankinutella and chrysion like this.
  15. chrysion

    chrysion Fapstronaut

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    You're so right! Thanks!
     
    Nomar likes this.
  16. chrysion

    chrysion Fapstronaut

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    Day 9

    When I was doing PM, I lived for sex. I lived for the next perfect rack, the next tight butt, the next female body. I'm sorry to be graphic, but this is what we porn addicts wanted, right? Boobs always looked like boobs, butts always looked like butts. Every body had the same parts in the same places. Yet I had to look anyway!! It was always the same, yet never enough. None of these bodies brought me fulfillment. Watching sex videos became more important to me than sleep, productivity, personal goals and friends. Porn made me sick and masturbation made me depressed. What I thought would make me so happy turned out to be a disease that could have ruined my life.

    The wonderful thing is that I have so much experience with PM that I am thoroughly convinced I hate it, and I am so determined to make up for lost time! I envision self-respect, self-control, self-esteem. I envision a humble attitude, serving others. I envision a healthy life with healthy relationships. I envision waiting for a certain amount of time, being thoroughly freed from PM, and then getting married to a beautiful girl and starting a family!
     
    sankinutella and Nomar like this.
  17. chrysion

    chrysion Fapstronaut

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    Day 10

    When I watched porn, I wasn't happy. Porn spoiled my taste for relationships with real women, yet also didn't satisfy me. It was the worst of both worlds. I didn't get real sex with a committed wife, and I didn't get fulfillment from the pixels on my screen. As for masturbation, it's the most depressing thing I've ever experienced. There is nothing more depressing than rubbing myself to try to meet a desire that is meant for a relationship. I never needed to masturbate. If I didn't do it, I would have gotten used to that and I wouldn't have been depressed.

    From now on, I'm going to live in a wiser way. I've learned my lesson. I'm not going to do things which hurt me. From here on, I will be waiting for my special bride and preparing myself for her. My eyes, my body and my heart I am reserving exclusively for her. I can think of nothing more satisfying.
     
  18. sankinutella

    sankinutella New Fapstronaut

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    Keep on writing Brother
    You can surely get over it. Focusing on why we started and not thinking about P is all we have to do.
     
    chrysion and Ajikan like this.
  19. chrysion

    chrysion Fapstronaut

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    Thank you! Yes, it helps so much to remember why we started. This is why I do these exercises daily. I will never return to PM.
     
    Jonnyb4 and Nomar like this.
  20. chrysion

    chrysion Fapstronaut

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    Day 11

    When I watched porn and masturbated, I was always hurt afterwards. I never looked back with pride, I always looked back with regret. Always. The pixels and the rubbing just was so pitiful that it made me sad, not happy. The fantasy babes NEVER SATISFIED ME. I got a brief thrill (mixed with loneliness, hopelessness and depression), but then a hard crash which made me worse than before. I especially want to stress that masturbation never made me happy. I never masturbated and then thought to myself "Ahh, I'm so happy I masturbated". Never!

    I choose to be BOLD enough to finally say NO to the PM bully in my life!! No, I am kicking him in the teeth! I hate porn! I hate it viciously! And I hate masturbation with a deep frustrated anger! Time to change my life! I envision a future! Previously I had no "future" - I only lived in the moment, for sex - but now I live for God, and I live for my mission. I have a reason to live, and a purpose to fulfill. I will be grateful, selfless, productive and righteous. I will keep away from futile things and I will live a life that's truly fulfilling - the kind of life that's worth living, worth every sacrifice!!
     
    ahighertruth, sankinutella and Nomar like this.

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