reminder to be reliable enough before dating

[silex_jedi]

hello myself,

if you read this
in winter twenty twenty one,
i hope you were able to focus on what makes you worthwhile as a human being,
i know you were addicted to love, and you long for the feeling of a warm lovely presence at your side...
it's okay.

i know there is this girl that you once appreciated and found cute.
i am confident that you were able to tell if you could be with or let go if she's better with someone else.
you knew that some girls seem nice as a partner, you knew that.
and you also knew there are some things you don't tolerate in someone you want to share your sleep, and intimacy, with.

love is a great thing.
what is better is being able to love,
to have something to share.

at the end of spring twenty twenty one
you were burnt down.
burnt down because of love.

in summer twenty twenty one,
you were still the remains of an irresponsible, cynic, weak, and crooked guy.

there are people that had been hurt along the way.
to hurt was the destiny, of a poor soul with nothing to give.
you had nothing to share.

so please,
myself if you read this,
focus.

keep on focusing, on what you can build and give,
you need strong fondations.
for a one hundred and ten pound girl,
is not the ground on which you walk.

meanwhile keep your eyes peeled,
for pornography is the hand of the devil
that wants you to fail.
and masturbation is the hand that asserts your submission to the devil
everything good, God will provide you in time, when needed.

amen.

thank you.

 

[silex_jedi]

well she has someone else great. thank you me of the past for the reminder !
i still focus on the work in store for me.

 

[silex_jedi]

well we have seen each other... and it has been somewhat physical. we can't be more than friends for the moment... too bad. time to move on. what will i do ?

 

[silex_jedi]

well i noticed myself falling in love and i realised it's not "convenient" for the moment. i have learned A LOT this year. times to use these lessons.

i should not hope to date a girl that has a boyfriend.
i will NOT beat myself up because of that. time has its lessons for me to stand on.
i will respect her when she says no.

she might have had a crush on me at some point BUT here is the problem. i am not doing this self improvement thing for her. but part of me thinks it would be nice if i worked hard to get HER. BUT SHE. IS. NOT. MY. GOAL.

i am trapped in my thinking that sucks.