Wow you articulate what you are Feeling/experiencing so very well! You are a strong woman! This particular issue just eats at our most vulnerable places deep down inside. Then when we think we can’t feel worse..we do. It brings out things in us that we don’t even like about ourselves and we don’t recognize. It’s a dark force we never invited into our lives let along our marriage which is supposed to be a sacred and safe institution. It’s destoys. Not just the addict but everyone in its path. From the sound of it though..you are going to come out on top of this! You have compassion and I think that is an important piece in the healing process. For you and your marriage. You are working through the stages and identifying them and understanding yourself and what your think & feeling. You are pretty amazing actually! You are doing a great job even if it doesn’t always feel that way. Hang in there!