Repairing the relationship

Can you be more specific? First you need to realise what needs to be healed.

 

Is pretty much simple to say and hard to do. You need to fulfill her needs. Hear what she want, respect her side. And still be smart and wise to understand if you are doing what you should and you are in a toxic relationship.

 

I am the partner of a porn addict. I recently discovered Craig Perra and his website The Mindful Habit. He also has podcasts called Sex Afflictions and Porn Addictions. You can also find him on YouTube and Facebook. I found a workbook with audio CDs on Amazon and purchased them for my husband. He's been a porn addict for years and years. I don't know why, but this guy spoke to him. He's not everyone's cup of tea, but he made my husband stand up and take note. I am so damn grateful for this dude. Nothing else ever seemed to help, but this one is changing our life and hopefully the change will take hold and last.

My husband is more determined than ever to get this monkey off his back. We can't ever go back to a time before porn because it's always been in our marriage. He remembers watching porn at the tender age of 8 years old. His dumb ass father had reel to reel porn as well as magazines just sitting out, laying around, waiting for young eyes to look at or watch the filth. His father was a beast. My husband tells stories of being beaten so badly that he passed out. He would beat him with a belt and cut his back open and bloody his shirts. His father was an alcoholic. The one and only time we visited him, he made a pass at me. He's a fucking creep! I'm glad he is no longer among the living. He died a sad and lonely man, but I digress.

Actions speak louder than words so don't just say what you're going to do, just do it! I've been the one doing all the research on this addiction. I've been supportive and empathetic. I try not to shame him because Lord knows he carries enough guilt and shame already. We are both working on our own individual recovery as well as our relationship. I feel a change in him already. He's been open and forthright with me. He seems more light hearted now that he isn't carrying around all this garbage. At the same time, he is being more supportive and understanding of my needs. He is realizing how badly his porn use effected our relationship. It's not too late to change if you really have the desire. Good luck to all of you!

 

I'm the wife of a sex addict. Hope it's okay to answer your question about trust.

Bottom line for trust - be honest and have integrity. Your actions and words must match.

Your partner needs reassurance. Over and over.

Intimacy - not sure if you mean overall intimacy or physical intimacy? Listening to her, comforting her, being empathic to her pain --- all of these can help. Some couples use FANOS for intimacy/communication. The goal is to rebuild connection and every woman is different. She may need time. She may crave physical/emotional connection. Ask her what she needs. That's a really good start. And then listen (the words silent and listen have the same letters). We need to feel *heard*.

My husband constantly interrupts me. We are working on that --- I say "we" b/c he doesn't even realize when he does this. He asks a question and then I start to answer, and 3 words in, he interrupts. I digress. Bottom line - we need to know that our partner cares and that our partner is supporting our healing process which doesn't happen overnight.