I wish that you could give my bf that advice on objectifying women in the real world, he's trying very hard but he probably needs to hear those advice and not from me, right now he's trying to figure out how to stop it and hasn't come across a good suggestion because he's only now reaching out to support from this community, my hope is he goes on more often to read the stories and that someone like you with good ideas and experience will give that good advice. Life's about luck sometimes, if you meet the right people, they steer you the right way, so far his luck hasn't been so good and he doesn't have any positive influence other then me unfortunately. It's crazy how hearing and sharing things with your partner can sometimes make it harder, not sure if it's the guilt he feels talking to me about it or if it's the sense of feeling I'm controlling him by giving him suggestions but he seems to take advice better from a third party, such as his therapist. Did you go through depression during rewiring? How long did it take before you felt a real change in the ability to not objectify or obsess over sexual things? Were you in a relationship at the time and how did your sig other handle it? I think that people with sex addiction need to realize that your partners are trying to understand this addiction, We want to know if your hurtful behaviors are just side effects to the disease or if you do desire other people, if maybe you are not 100% committed and attracted and sure of us and that leaves us feeling vulnerable. No partner wants to be second fiddle or feel that way. If we see you lusting over another women, its hurtful, its self deflating, it makes us question the relationship, our attractiveness and the real depth of what the relationship is because for a normal brain, if you love someone and want to be with them you should not be checking out or desiring of another women sexuall to those extents where you gawk or obsess, it makes us feel inadequate, hence the need to understand what the addiction is. its easy to say sex addiction has no reflection on what the other partner looks like, your desire for them or feelings for them because for the normal brain, you desire your partner, not every other sexually suggestive person you see, so of course we will be hurt and confused about the validity of the relationship. To veritechs defense, he's only being honest to how he feels about partners going through this and I dont believe every male suffers from pmo, a large portion may but I know that a large portion doesn't, there's many other addictions, etc as well unfortunately in our society today and you are right about trying to fix things but I think veritech is just trying to say that the people trying to stand by their partners during this need to also wake up to the reality of it, he doesn't know the details of our progress such as attempts being made so he's speaking from the heart as fir my concern, which is honorable for an addict to not just say, stand by your man regardless. My thoughts behind sticking by my man is this, I can not ask someone to believe in himself and his ability if I'm not giving himself the chance to try atleast. When you love someone, you don't desert them because they are sick, you bring them medicine and hope they will do what is best for them, if they refuse to do what they must to get better, then it is in my own best interest to realize this man is sicker then I can help and if I stay I will get sick too so I must leave, but atleast I can leave knowing full well I did all I could and I will not wonder what if. Its only been less then 2 mos, its too soon to know if he's taking his medicine, I need to remain positive, not paranoid and I must remember, this is a disease, anger, hate, bitterness will just fuel it because that's where it was born from. If I can not let go of all that anger I feel, its a helpless cause already and I need to just shut the door. So, thank you everyone who's contributed to sharing your story with me, it keeps me hopeful, strong as well as realistic. If anyone has more advice on rebooting please share, I'm wondring if its a bad idea for us to have regular sex if hes trying g to reboot or if having sex with his sig other is OK because it's not artificial. Wondering if anything sexual at all during reboot is bad or its just sexual things of porn nature.