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Resolutions And Healing

Discussion in 'Partner Support' started by Deleted Account, Jun 12, 2020.

  1. Blessedboy❤️

    Blessedboy❤️ Fapstronaut

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    Allow yourself to cry + break, sweet pea. Breaking up with him was the right thing to do.

    By looking at latex models(while you tell him you love him), your honey has ruined everything. Your precious trust. The innocence you two had. Your magical sense of yourself as the only woman he could possibly desire. The pure and unassailable nature of your perfect coupledom. You are shattered and furious, but most of all you are shocked. How could he have done this?

    You aren't the sort of person who takes bullshit from men and you aren't about to begin doing so now. You loved him, but he can sincerely go and fuck himself.

    You’re tough. You’ve had to ask impossible questions, endure humiliations, suffer internal conflicts and still he can not see how much you've been hurt over and over again. You’d been true and faithful to him, and in return, he’d broken the deal.

    There is no ‘how-to’ guide on how to feel in being heart broken. Allow it all, the moments of depression, sadness, loneliness, anger, it’s all completely valid. Pain is not something we can measure, how one person deals with something isn’t comparable to any other we are different entities, made up of completely different lifetimes – you are doing the very best you can:emoji_hearts:

    The pain might not go away but you are surrounded with people with pockets full to the brim with sellotape for your sweetheart:emoji_hearts: who are willing to fight your every battle, every storm to you see smile (even if it is a virtual smile).
    The right ones will be there to hug:emoji_hearts:, to comfort:emoji_hearts:, to understand:emoji_hearts: and to raise a cold cup of tea in solidarity because your dark times isn’t yours. It’s ours and this is really, really hard sometimes and it’s completely okay to admit that. But you are not on your own and you are loved beyond anything you could possibly fathom (honestly, that much).:emoji_hearts:

    All that you are is perfect, never change because somebody made you feel like you should.You deserve someone who will jump fences to be with you. You deserve incredible, the love we sometimes forget exists because we settle with being treated wrong. You deserve wonder + laughter and a love that makes you think "wow this is how I am supposed to be treated",sweet pea :emoji_hearts:
     
  2. Oh my. Sorry to hear, that's nuts.

    We are here to listen to you and help you, Lovely. (please don't go ghost)
     
  3. I'm sorry Lovely :( What he's done is awful and disgusting. You've done well breaking up with him.
    We are here for you. You'll find someone who truly loves you like you deserve Lovely, don't blame yourself for a second for the bad things he's done.
    *Sending tons of love because it's the only thing you deserve* :emoji_hugging::emoji_hugging::emoji_hugging:
     
  4. Thank you for this, Mahz. I spent some time reflecting, and reflecting and a lot of time by myself these past few days. I probably cried more than I should have, but it was healing for me to cry. It helped. I feel a bit more stable today and will be continuing my journaling as it did help me. And, adding some poetry I think.

    He has hurt me beyond what I imagined he could, and now it’s almost like since we’ve crossed a line, we’re both fair game, you know? It’s sad. And fucking ugly, the way we fight. I think my curse is that I will always love him, even when we’ve become toxic to each other, and I feel things are beyond repair. Your words mean the world to me, thank you.
     
  5. It was my last resort, and now I think things are too toxic. I don’t know. I guess time a I’ll tell.

    Thank you kindly, for being being here and caring. I guess I did disappear a bit, I'm sorry for that.
     

  6. It is, yes. And, now I’m stuck in a place where I feel trapped and uncertain, even though I know my fate lies in my own hands. Thank you for being here. Your support has been a big reason why I came back. I don’t know, in all honesty I’m thinking I might just be better off alone. I’m kind of just tired of hurting now. I wish I didn’t blame myself, but I do. I know I shouldn’t, but it’s all that seems to happen. You’re the fucking best, truly, Fenris! *drowns in the love because so much and sends just as much back to you*
     
  7. Aw thank you Lovely :)

    It'll take time, but you will be happy again, it's okay if you need to not have a bf for a while. You go first :)
     
  8. That's because you're a good person my lovely friend :). Sorry for getting here only now, but I wanted to make sure that I have all the time I needed to read all your posts :).
    You loved him, and still loves him. This hurts.
    But this makes you stronger too.
    Your ability to love, to support, to be always gentle with us too :). Well right now, you're hating this ability, it makes you suffer. It will come a day, trust me, in which you will be so grateful to be the wonderful person you are my friend.
    I am sorry you have to break up with him. I don't want to intrude too much on your personal life, but there's a tale. The tale of the frog and the scorpio. I will make a quick resume.
    "A frog and a scorpio get together in front of lake, "I can't cross this lake, I can't swim, but if you allow me to jump on your back my dear frog, we will both make it, and I will be forever grateful" said the scorpio. "Do you think I am crazy? You will kill me" Answered the frog. "My friend why should I kill you? We would both die, I can't swim, when we will be closer to the other side I will jump on the coast and you will jump back in the lake, where I can't touch you" Replied the scorpio. The frog was convinced, so let the scorpio jump on his back, and started cross the lake. In the middle of the lake the frog felt a numbing pain. The scorpio hit him. "Why did you this?" asked the frog "We will both die". "I don't know, I didn't want to" Said the scorpio "but I can't help it. I am a scorpio".
    Some people to us are just scorpio my friend.
    Do not be the frog.
    If he does not want to cross the lake fairly with you, then cross the lake alone, you are quiet amazing alone too ;)
    Have a wonderful day :)
     
  9. I skimmed through most of it but I read the biggest post. I'm sorry to hear that you're hurt and I hope that you heal up well. Love is a tricky thing to find in someone , lovely. I might be speaking out of my league having said that but I think It's true. If he's not willing to force himself to change because of you , then you're probably better off with someone who cares and worries about you the same way you worry about them. Honestly , I can't really promise that I'd promise for something like that. I would avoid the whole making of the relationship part in the first place. Love online doesn't always work. It hasn't worked for me and it never will. I was hurt more than I was feeling good. I must also say that I myself can't really say that I love someone unless I say it in their faces in real life.
    I understand that this is a hard time for you and I'm sorry that it is. At least know that I'm not sad but actually quite proud and happy you were willing to open up and share your story. I can't really tell you to move on for advice but what else can I say...? I wish you luck (again) in overcoming this. You should look for the beauty in life itself so that you can recover from being numb. All the best. I'm sorry if i sounded harsh , it wasn't my intention to do that.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 20, 2020
  10. I saw many people gave you suggestions. And many of their contents were contradicting the person next to each other.
    Well, I don't know what's your age (and I'm not going to ask. Damn, even the thought is scary.). But since you said you were quiet and alone before him so you must be a person who sticks to their decision. I understood all the good things you said about your boyfriend. But the only thing I didn't get was that he himself didn't know that porn was bad. In nofap there are many people. Some scold you for relapsing. Some tell you "You will perform better next time". . But one thing that I find common in everyone is that deep in their heart they know that porn is bad for them in particular. But I did not find that even once in your description of your boyfriend. So that's something I'm really unsure about. I'd really like it if you told us what he thinks about porn in a little detail.

    Anyway,
    If you want to know how someone who watches porn feels emotionally. Then you should watch the TEDx talk of Zach Hughes. His way of describing it with poetry can help a person who is not addicted to porn feel how the addicted person feels.
    I am supporting any decision you make regarding staying with him or not. But I have always thought that breaking of a relationship should always be a mutually thoughtout process in which both the person involved tell their opinions. They both may cry,but crying should only help them in expressing their desires more clearly.

    And to leave I'll leave you with a really great post of someone who was once addicted to porn. And I agree with every point he made. He told the proper approach that you have to destroy porn by aiming on your life goals.
    Here: https://yourbrainrebalanced.com/for...ughts-on-rebooting-extremely-long-post.15558/

    (Yeah. The post in the link is really long. And that's my way of taking revenge for making me read every line of your post.)
     
  11. Blessed Boy,
    I’ve been meaning to reply to this for some time, I’m so sorry I haven’t yet. I’ve been giving myself some time and haven’t been on as much lately. I was in tears when I read this. I had to take a minute to compose myself before I could finish reading it. It was absolutely beautiful. It touches me deeply and was heartwarming beyond words. I wish I could say it felt like the right thing to do. Right now, things are messy and I’m taking steps every day to try and figure it out.

    Your understanding is appreciated more than you know. I basically had a break down, I fell apart, and had to pick myself up again. I’m feeling fragile, but stronger than I did days ago.

    You are right, more than id like to admit. My trust is shattered, my heart broken and I no longer feel the same way I did before. Sometimes the strong love I felt for him rushes back, but most of the time I feel indifferent. It’s scary and uncomfortable. It was my mistake in thinking that I could be the only he desired and wanted. I won’t make that mistake again. I ask myself this multiple times a day in my head, but addictions is a monster and has no mercy for its victims, the ones addicted or the ones affected by it.

    The way you understand and comprehend my feelings and how hurt I was brings me to a tearful place of relief. It’s frustrating to tell him this when he does not understand the severity of the pain I went through. He does not even see the pain it is putting him through, and how it has affected his life. Thank you, Blessed about. I don’t feel very tough, but I am getting there and I won’t stop working at it. ♥️

    Fuck, I really needed this today, and I’ve read this message over a few times when I'm sad and it brings me some semblance of peace. So, thank you so very much for that. You’re right, pain is pain, it not comparable and I'm learning to be gentle with myself through yet, and yet starting to be more firm in where I stand.

    I’m blown away by your words, truly. They are beautiful, and touching. They give me strength and I feel somewhat undeserving of the love and care you show. I do feel so much gratitude, beyond words, to you and everyone here who has been here for me, even when they know they did not need to be. It restores my faith in humanity. I only hope to give back the same support, understanding and love to all of you. I may be facing dark times, but tough times don’t last, tough people do, and I want to be one of those people. You all inspire me with your strength, and it gives me strength in return.

    What you say is so lovely, and beautiful words. But, I don’t want someone who needs to bend over backwards to show me they love me. I just want to be with someone who shows me the same level of love, respect and loyalty. It’s all I ask. I’m starting to think I might be asking too much from love. I don’t know. But, the kind of love describe soundscape lovely, if it two people doing the same for each other.

    Again, I’m going to send you the tightest, snuggliest virtual hug that I can send, because your message was beautiful, and I appreciate it so much. I hope you’re doing ping well.
     
  12. I’m sorry it took so long to reply, Fenris . But, your message still means the world to me. Thank you for your kindness, your beautiful words and you’re compassion. It was very hurtful and I’m still learning to live with that hurt. I don’t know what will happen from here on out, but I've decided to focus on my goals a and getting myself to a better place. You being here for me is something I feel endless gratitude for! Truly, I do.

    In all honesty, I’m wondering if being single would just be best for me. I don’t know yet, I suppose. But, that’s a sweet thought, and thank you again. I’m trying not to, and I don’t even know why I do. It’s not my fault, it is the addiction, but my heart keeps trying to tell me it’s because I wasn’t enough.

    *curls up In all the love and melt because I cant handle it.*
    <3<3<3

    I’m sending all this love and a shit load more back to on you, Fenris because you deserve I to just as much.
     
  13. I’m pretty sure I replied to you twice. *blushes in embattled * But it goes to show how amazing I think you are! You’re right, it is okay and I think it might be what I end up doing. I guess time will tell. Nigh hugs to you!

    I’m still super embarrassed.
     
  14. You’re so sweet to say that, and all I can say is thank you and I think you’re the best kind of person. And, there’s no need to apologize, I’ve only just started replying to some of these messages and I feel a bit bad about it. I’m very sorry. I’ve actually been trying to stay busy to keep from letting the pain overtake me. That was really kind of you to read it all, I feel flattered by the time you took to read it. I do still love him, and I couldn’t be anything but gentle and supportive to him, or to any of you. How could I not? None of you chose this, none of you went into it knowing you’d become addicted. Addiction doesn’t discriminate against anyone, it grabs onto whomever it can and just destroys. Your insight on my feelings is spot on, it’s incredible. Sometimes I think not feeling anything fir just a day would be so nice. I feel things a but too deeply. I’ve found it to be a blessing and a curse. Your words a are lovely, and I find some solace in them, thank you. ♥️ You’re not intruding as I’ve chosen to share my story here, and I am thankful and grateful for all the suggestions and advice I have received so far.

    I know of this story, but never even thought it could have relevance to my life now, but it actually makes a lot of sense. Thank you for sharing that. It is very true, and hits deep. I can’t always save everyone I suppose without the risk of drowning myself and getting hurt. Thank you for your wisdom, and I appreciate you taking the time to type this. I hope you’re having a lovely day, @fg4795 take care!
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 27, 2020
  15. I appreciate all the suggestions and advice, regardless of differences. I really appreciate you taking the time to write to me, and offer your support. At this stage I don’t know what the right decision is, but I know I’ll figure it out. Meh, I’m not someone who get so offended when I’m asked my age, it’s just a number. We’re only as old as we feel. I was, yes. For quite a while. After my previous relationship, I was cautious as my ex was an alcoholic. I am, yes.

    You make a good point, and I haven’t touched on that much in my journal I suppose. This is going to sound cliche, but it’s a bit complicated, the way he sees it. I guess the best way to explain his view is he does know it’s a disrespectful thing to me, and he says he never expected me to be okay with it, but he thinks he’ll “grow out of it.” He’s 23, and has been watching it for many years so I don’t see that being the case, but that’s just my opinion. He feels shame, I think deep down he does know it’s bad, but he denies he has any level of addiction to it, and on the surface he tells me he doesn’t see anything wrong with it because “everyone does it.” He dances around with he does it when I asked, first it was because of stress, then when I saw right through that (because he said he only did it at work for stress, but even at his calmest and happiest he still did.) he said he didn’t know why he did it. He says it’s only a problem if we make it a problem, and in his mind I think he thinks I overreacted and it doesn’t need to be a big deal. That’s basically it. I have not yet been able to get through to him about how addictive it can’t be, and that it is probably the reason behind his lack of motivation and depression. I know the pandemic situation doesn’t help, but he had these issues before this happened.

    Thank you very much, I appreciate that. I do very much want to understand it better, and I will watch it today. I’m grateful to you sharing it with me. Thank you for that, I appreciate the understanding from you. I agree, and if we do end it now permanently I want it to be at way, too. It depends on so many things Hong’s. I want to help him through it, because I love him.

    Thank you, again for this. I’ll check out the post and TED Talk. Haha, I don’t mind reading long posts. But, well played, friend. Well played. Take care!
     
  16. Friday 26 June, 2020
    12:52 AN

    I woke up today feeling better than I have in a the past little while. I usually wake up before he does and have my coffee. I like the quiet in the mornings.

    Some mornings, as today I looked up YouTube videos I know he watched to masturbate to, or google the celebrity women he used as well and just stare at them, letting my anger and hurt come out. It’s probably not the healthiest thing I could do, but in an odd fucked up way, after I’ve done it I can let go of those emotions for the day. I wish I could explain that better, but I can’t.

    I still don’t know his new passcode, and quite frankly I don’t want to because I don’t want to be tempted to look. But, last night he gave me his phone so I could search for a good movie for us to watch on Netflix. I think it was his way of telling me he’s putting trust in me again, and maybe asking for the same in return. That’s just my interpretation of it, though.

    Aside from my emotional turmoil sometimes, things are actually... okay. Unless he’s gotten really good at hiding it, he has not PMO since our big fight and break up. I still don’t think he sees It as a big deal, and I think he’s doing it for me and not for his own well being, but I don’t want to focus on the consequences of that right now. I’m finally starting to feel more comfortable in my own body again, but I’m proud to say it’s not because of him telling me I’m beautiful and pretty. It’s because I’m taking time to remind myself I don’t need anyone’s approval to feel good about who I am. I am trying to accept what I can’t change, work on what I can, and I’m learning to love myself once more. It isn’t easy, but who ever said anything worth it would be, right? I’m finding my strength again, the strong woman that dwells just beneath the surface. I know she’s there underneath all this pain. I will come back stronger.

    “Throw me to the wolves and I’ll come back leading the pack.”

    I’m going to focus on my goals again, and even when shit gets tough, I’m going to keep fighting. I have to.

    1 - Feel my emotions, then let them go.
    2 - Smile, because why the fuck not?
    3 - Go for a walk
    4 - Take some time to just be alone with my thoughts and feelings and embrace them.

    Here’s to facing today with positive thoughts. Have a great day, guys. Stay safe.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 26, 2020
  17. That’s really kind of you, Peace and you didn't even need to read the first one. I appreciate your support, I always have. I mean that. I’m definitely working on healing, and fighting through the pain. Thanks for your encouragement, lovely friend. It’s why I never make promises I don’t intend to keep, I don’t promise things easily or often, they’re broken so easily. Honestly, it took us a long time to decide to be together, we were both sceptical. I want to believe I’ve made the right decision because it’s been a fucking a credible past 3 years on so many aspects of our relationship. I never would have believed I’d be in a long distance relationship before. Not at all. It’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. And, he does need to change. But, I want him to do it for him, to better himself. Not just for me. Thank you, Peace. That really means a lot to me to hear that, it wasn’t an easy thing to share my story and I’m glad now that I did. I think love in any way can work, but only if two people put effort into making it work. But, I understand so much of what you say. Sometimes the hurt isn’t worth it when it outweighs the good. Honestly, you don’t even need to say anything. The fact that you listen, and care is enough. It’s nice to just be heard and know that there are people that support me. Thank you so much for your kind words! I appreciate it all! I know I’ll get envy there, i just need to fight harder. I’m not as strong as i want to be yet. You didn’t sound harsh at all, and I agree, I want to start looking for the beauty in things because I’m tired of pain, tears and sadness. Take care, Peace. Have a great day!
     
  18. You too lovely lady. Just hang in there and you'll get over this small hurdle. We make mistakes in order to learn more about ourselves through the mistakes we made so that we become better/stronger and durable to getting hurt. I made a girl which I consider very close to me sad because I disappointed her by being brutally honest with her which wasn't really the correct decision to make. I told her that I honestly loved the relationship I had with her but when I thought about why do I love it so much , I found out that I just liked a woman to give me her attention so I apologized to her and told her that I didn't mean something I said that made her genuinely happy and that just opened a huge crack from her past which had her hurt but I didn't really give up there. I had to strive and reattach those strings I had with her. The strings that I wanted to be attached. We're back to our good relationship ,It's honestly a 'best friends' kind of relationships since me and her do know the cons of online dating and all that BS , We became closer, better to each other and more honest. That made her happy too which in turn helped me be a bit happy on my side. I hope things go well for and I appreciate your kind words again,lovely lady.
     
  19. He is really, really lucky :).
    I can say just this. Hope he won't be the scorpio, because you would just deserve the best from life.
    Take care lovely, I am really happy that you're writing again.
     
  20. Shadow™輝ツ

    Shadow™輝ツ Fapstronaut

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    Hey lovely, you told me that you were working on some poetry, why don’t you give us a few lines of it, I’m sure it would be nice, and even if it’s bad we won’t judge you lol ^.^ Jk
     

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