Resource Thread For PAs and SOs

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by Hopefulgirl, Jun 2, 2019.

  1. Hey everyone! Let's compile a list of resources that have helped you during your healing journey. Please post book recommendations/ websites/podcasts/videos, anything that has been beneficial to you that you think could help others. We are in this together :)
  2. 2 of my favourite resources right now are: Michelle Mays really understand betraual trauma and her latest blog is a 4 part series about healing the sexual wounds of betrayal (honestly there is not enough out there about this subject!). Dr. Rob Weiss is an amazing advocate for SAs and SOs. His site has podcasts, a blog, interactive webinars, and daily webinars you can watch about a variety of topics. His webinars follow a Q and A format and his advice and knowledge is incredible.
    +TenPercent, fuzzywaz, Numb and 2 others like this.
  3. Last edited: Jun 2, 2019
  4. EyesWideOpen

    EyesWideOpen Fapstronaut

    Your Sexually Addicted Spouse by Barbara Steffens and Marsha Means and
    Treating Trauma from Sexual Betrayal by Dr. Kevin Skinner are by far the best books I have read treating betrayal trauma.

    Dr. Barbara Steffens also founded a website dedicated to training, and helping people find, coaches to treat relational and betrayal trauma.

    My husband has found great help through the books:

    Out of the Shadows
    and accompanying workbook Facing the Shadow, by Dr. Patrick Carnes,
    Out of the Doghouse by Dr. Rob Weiss, and
    Treating Pornography Addiction: The Essential Tools for Recovery by Dr. Kevin Skinner
  5. Lifelongaddict

    Lifelongaddict Fapstronaut

    Thanks for this! I’ll make sure to pass some on to my wife.
    FX-05 and Hopefulgirl like this.
  6. EyesWideOpen

    EyesWideOpen Fapstronaut

    143 So much info there. Terry Crews is a contributor. Here are his videos about his intense past addiction. (in 2 posts)

  7. EyesWideOpen

    EyesWideOpen Fapstronaut

  8. Lostneverland

    Lostneverland Fapstronaut

    Excellent resources...great posts. I love Rebecca’s response to Terry Crews when he disclosed to her his sex addiction.

    Mending a Shattered Heart , Dr. Stephanie Carnes
    The Betrayal Bond , Dr. Patrick Carnes
    The Porn Trap, Wendy and Larry Maltz
    In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts, Dr.Gabor Mate’ (addiction related)
    How to Break Your Addiction to a Person, Dr. Howard Halpern

    Safe journey to all...
  9. Numb

    Numb Fapstronaut

  10. 1dayattatime

    1dayattatime Fapstronaut

    Books I have read found helpful in recovery for me:

    My Top 3
    Gifts of imperfection - Brene Brown. This one is just a fantastic book about how to live a better life, which is what addiction recovery is really about. I have read and re-read this one. Her definition of love really impacted me.

    Breaking the Cycle - George collins. This book seriously helped me to get inside my own head. Alot of practicle steps to illuminate the shame narratives and identify thoughts. I read this one multiple times.

    Intimate Deception - Dr. Sheri Keffer. This book has been really critical for understanding what my wife is going through. I read it recently and it helped a lot with empathy.

    Christian Books
    Surfing for God - Michael John Cusick. I really liked this book. It is written by a man who was a pastor and SA. More in depth emotionally than every mans battle.

    Road to Grace - Mike Genung. Very christian, Most of the book reads like a bible study. It was tough for me to read because of my backround as a believer and living and breathing christianese while living a double life. But he is very familiar with the 12 step world and it is a good perpective.

    Worthy of Her Trust - Jason B. Martinkus and Stephen Arterburn. This book has a lot of helpful things to say about rebuilding the marriage relationship written to the SA.

    Every Mans Battle - Stephen Arterburn. This book has a lot of practical habits. For me it doesn't get to the root of addiction, but it gives a ton of tools. Worth the read.

    Other Books

    How to help your Spouse Heal From Your Affair - Linda J Macdonald. This book is really short and to the point. She gives a list of 15 things successful rebuilders do. It is about relationship rebuilding.

    Running on Empty - Jonice Webb, PhD. I am reading this one right now about emotional neglect. It is helpful for healing the past. Illuminating what my parents were like and what I do with my kids.

    Out of the Dog House - Dr. Rob Weiss. Book written to men about rebuilding the relationship after an affair. Not specifically to SA's but very applicable.

    Daring Greatly - Brene Brown. Another fantastic book about vulnerability. What she says about scarcity was helpful for me.


    The betrayed the addicted and the expert. This is a recovering married couple and therapist who talk about applicable topics to our kind.

    Pure Sex Radio - Christian guy who is a recovering SA.

    The one you feed - This guy is a recovering substance addict who interviews many people on mindfulness and emotional topics. I find it helpful.
  11. Liina

    Liina Fapstronaut


    And her podcast Betrayal trauma recovery, i listen to it on Spotify
  12. Lostneverland

    Lostneverland Fapstronaut

    My PA started his journey by reading Terry Crews book , Manhood.
    It opened the door to self exploration for him. I also thoroughly enjoy brene’ Brown
    +TenPercent and Hopefulgirl like this.
  13. fadedfidelity

    fadedfidelity Fapstronaut

    1. Sex Addiction: The Partner's Perspective (by Paula Hall, UK's leading sex addiction specialists, founder of the Institute for Sex Addiction Training)
    3. Treating Trauma From Sexual Betrayal by Dr. Kevin Skinner, LMFT, CSAT-S

    I try to stick with secular information without all the indoctrination of religious views, especially when it comes to sex and the wife's role.
  14. NF4L

    NF4L Fapstronaut

    Shocked that no one has mentioned the Gottman institute. Their “7 principles of making marriage work”, gave both myself and my SO the tools to make it beyond just the addiction and into real recovery. To me it’s all about having to communicate better, know your partner better, and how to really have a relationship with another person. It is intended to be read and worked together. They have other books available to that are just as useful, but this one really covers the basics. It based upon decades of research and facts based upon that research and studying how couples interact. Communication is key to battling this disease of disconnection, and this book provides that foundation.
  15. +TenPercent and hope4healing like this.
  16. Treating Pornography Addiction by Dr. Kevin Skinner
    ...Also a great help
    Hopefulgirl and fadedfidelity like this.
  17. Fight The New Drug has a documentary called "Brain Heart World" that is available for a free 7 day download!
    Available here:

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