Response when PA husband says he loves me...

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by Vixen, Oct 29, 2018.

  1. Vixen

    Vixen Fapstronaut

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    Remember when I first told you I loved you in college? And you responded by saying that you were leaving when you graduated? Perhaps that was the first intimacy sabotaging event that I should have recognized and changed course if I were not so naïve.

    I feel like we have come full circle but now I am the one considering leaving. Google traits of coaddicts. I have no interest in contributing to that cycle. Especially now that I know the extent of your betrayal. I have been unknowingly picking up the slack of your emotional neglect that for years and years.

    I wish I knew what was the right call to make. All my options seem to be based in fear. Fear of becoming more miserable and disrespected than I already am. Fear of letting this obsession depression anxiety eat me alive. Fear of my kids growing up in a broken home.

    Part of the purpose of this trip (I left him 5 days ago) is to remind myself that I am OK on my own. I can feel myself detaching.

    I do not like being in this mess. I’m trying to do self-care and probably also procrastinating that hard decisions will have to be made next time you lie to me. And I still don’t know that you aren’t lying to me now. You have put me in an incredibly difficult position. I’m having a hard time viewing you as a genuine human.

    I feel foolish for letting myself be on the back burner so long. You have just eroded so much of me over the years.

    So I don’t know how to feel. I hope you make the most of this time. I hope the therapy session goes well, and I would like to hear some sort of report. From you and the therapist, eventually, if that is an option. hope you can be an authentic, good person. Not just appear that way to others but actually treat me correctly. They say the definition of insanity is doing the same things over and over again and expecting a different result. I feel like you are making me crazy.
     
  2. Nugget9

    Nugget9 Fapstronaut

    It sounds like to me he had a plan when getting out of college and you unfortunately weren'y in the plan. He should not have strung you along and should have been up front about what his plans were. I wish you luck in your future endeavors.
     
  3. A new day

    A new day Fapstronaut

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    This journey is troublesome precisely because it causes so much internal conflict about what the right thing is to do. There’s no one right roadmap.

    You are reaching out for help here. That’s the best start. There are many beneficial avenues. Groups, online help, therapy, books, blogs. My only suggestion would be is to start with something so you can orient yourself towards healing rather than making any big decisions about your life or his. In the current state, decision making is really tough.

    I found it’s just a poop storm in my head and I had no clear path or understanding of how to evaluate a path. So my only goal is to calm the storm internally then evaluate the next goal.
     
    Vixen likes this.
  4. Vixen

    Vixen Fapstronaut

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    Thank you so much for your attentiveness. I truly value all your comments. I must say I’m surprised at how unbiased/strict you art towards the PA since you’ve been in those shoes. It’s refreshing.
     
    moominfindinglight likes this.
  5. Vixen

    Vixen Fapstronaut

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    Exactly. I’m mapless and I could easily drive myself to exhaustion just spinning my wheels and exploring different routes. But I feel like my windshield is plastered in filth. It needs to be doused with clean water of truth. But I can’t control that. Thank you for your advice. I’m definitely working on my storm.
     

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