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Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by scrat_on_speed, Dec 4, 2013.

  1. scrat_on_speed

    scrat_on_speed Fapstronaut

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    I could type a lengthy diatribe on who I am, where I’ve been, and where I want to be; but I’ll stick to the basics. I’m a 28-year-old virgin. I was exposed to pornography at a young age, experienced some things shortly thereafter that really messed me up, and have been addicted to porn basically since I started masturbating at age 12.
    Being a Christian, my views of porn were shaped from a very young age, but I never knew how bad porn was. It wasn’t just spiritually, it affected who I was – though, you can’t really separate the two, can you? I became a pathological liar, had serious self-esteem issues, and shied away from committed relationships, due to embarrassment, self-loathing, and an unwillingness to give up and admit I had an addiction.
    I went to a lot of church conferences and events that preached that you can’t have it both ways – porn and masturbation were just as bad as adultery. I knew I wanted to save myself for the woman who would be my wife, but the control-freak inside me never wanted anyone to know about my secrets – which I knew I’d have to share with my future wife. So I succumbed to the idea that since I couldn’t change my past; I was a victim of circumstance. This shaped my mindset for years. I got in deep – looking at porn at work, playing the role of the hypocritical Christian, and wrecking my laptop with virus after virus in search of something more.
    Last year, I went to a men’s conference, where the topic was approached from a whole different angle. I could be free from the shame and regret associated with porn addiction. I didn’t give in spiritually until a couple more sessions, but when I did, it was a big weight off my shoulders. From January to June, I was porn and masturbation free. I gave in over the summer, and it was a true relapse. However, I’ve got in pretty good with the Man upstairs, and I’m not afraid to broach the subject with Him anymore. Getting off has never felt more empty, and I find myself wondering why I wasted so much time in pursuit of something I knew would make me feel worse afterwards. I’ve had ups and downs the past five months – most recently, this past weekend – but I’ve got a newfound motivation, and I’m ready to kick this crap for good. Aside from my faith, I want to truly save myself for my future bride, should she be out there.
    I heard about this site on The Blaze, thought I’d check it out. Accountability is something I have, but don’t utilize on a regular basis. Hopefully this will alleviate that. Plus, I like a good challenge.
     
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  2. You_Can_Do_lt

    You_Can_Do_lt Fapstronaut

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    Challenge of a lifetime, brother. Having been "in it" at least as deep as you, and with similar circumstances, it's important to note that this is an effort that will take a long time to master. Consodering that I've spent the majority of my life with this addiction, I now know that you cant take your foot off the gas for a second. Keep up with the accountability, post as often as you can, and stick with it. We're all in this together; no secrets here!
    Prayers going your way - keep your head up!
     
  3. John1633

    John1633 New Fapstronaut

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    Hey man,

    First of all, thanks for replying to my initial post in Newbies. I've not been a part of NoFap for even a day and am already encouraged by the community here. I very much relate to your feelings of inadequacies, low self-esteem, self-hatred, shame and guilt as a result of PMO. Its encouraging that God is able to use our broken stories to encourage one another and ultimately for his glory. It's good to know that we are not alone in our striving to glorify Christ and his eternal work on the cross.

    Looking forward to staying connected.
     

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