Restored and Giving Thanks

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by Tao Jones, Nov 26, 2020.

  1. I discovered PMO when I was about 15 years old. It maintained a steady presence in my life for the next 30 years. Some years were really bad, and I acted out multiple times a day, sometimes even at work. Some years were better, and I was not troubled with it too much. But I knew I would always go back. I loved the cheap, plastic thrill of it too much to ever really quit.

    I did try to quit. I knew it wasn't good for me. When I got married, I knew it wasn't good for that, either. When I had kids, I again renewed my efforts to stop, so I could be a better example to my sons. All my attempts to quit ended in failure. It was just too hard.

    When I turned 40, I was working from home full-time. I was leading a double life. On one side of the office door was the addict, spending hours each day on PMO, and on the other side was the respected family man, deceiving the world as to who he truly was. The duplicity of it began to eat away at me. I tried once again to quit, committing myself to do whatever was required. This was going to be the time.

    But I couldn't. I did my best, I gave it my most intense effort, and found that no matter what I did, I could not resist the call of PMO when it came knocking. I had always deceived myself that I could quit any time I really wanted to. (The first and greatest lie we tell in addiction is to ourselves.) I felt trapped well and truly for the first time.

    That was when I knew I needed to get away from computers and smartphones. In my IT work, I was on these devices constantly, and the ease of access to P was more than I could cope with. The only way I could get free is if I got away from the source of my drug. In one of the hardest decisions of my life, I quit my IT career after about 20 years and started over as a plumber's apprentice, taking a 60% pay cut.

    I lied to my wife, family, and friends about why I was making the change. I was supporting a family of four, and I could not face the humiliation of revealing how weak I was. At the same time, I knew that if I did not follow through on my decision, I would remain stuck in PMO for the rest of my life. Eventually, it would destroy my marriage, my sons, my friendships. It would likely cost me my career if it was ever discovered how much time I wasted on PMO during work hours, effectively stealing from my employers. So I did a hard, good thing, but without honesty or nobility; just one further picture of how ruined and weak I had become due to the plague of PMO.

    That was seven years ago. (You can read more about my journey in my journal.) It has been difficult and very, very rewarding. I am now over two years free of PMO and 18 months free of all fantasizing, ogling, and P-subs. My relationship with my wife is the best it has ever been. I am finally able to be a model and a help to my sons in this area, esp. now as they are in their teen years. Even my health (mental and physical) has improved! PMO took a lot from me over the 30 years I was enslaved to it, but I am seeing those things begin to heal and grow back again. It is amazing to experience.

    This past month I had an opportunity to take on some additional responsibility at work. As I ran the numbers, I realized this role would mean working far more hours each week (40 normal FT hours and over 80 on-call hours). I had to smile at that: The one who once wasted many hours each week with PMO was now being offered the chance to work essentially every waking hour, six days a week. Poetic justice, eh?

    But I also realized that this promotion would put me just above my income level when I left my IT career seven years ago. I immediately recalled the Scripture: "So I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten..." (Joel 2:25a). In a little less than a decade, God had restored my family to its previous income while also orchestrating the improvement in my own life of just about every other metric you could imagine.

    On this Thanksgiving Day, I truly have much to be grateful for! I have been restored. Now, onward!
     
  2. renew_life_j

    renew_life_j Fapstronaut

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    You are such a great blessing and your life story is very inspiring. Thank you for helping me and all in need with your encouraging and kind words, uplifting us and pointing us to the way of truth and life. God bless you dear brother.
     
  3. Amen! Great Testimony Tao! Incredibly inspiring and very encouraging to see the glory and mercy of God work in your life! Happy Holidays!
     
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  4. D-Mystifier

    D-Mystifier Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for sharing man! Incredible that you had the bravery to leave a high pay job in order to reduce exposure. Best of all, it has literally paid off!
     
    Tao Jones likes this.
  5. Redemolished

    Redemolished Fapstronaut

    That's fantastic to hear! Thanks for sharing, and thank you for all that you do to help others on their journey :)
     
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  6. Springjim2000

    Springjim2000 Fapstronaut

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    Really inspiring that, Tao. I also started 30 years ago and have sons so this really resonated. Breaking from PMO can be one of the greatest achievements in your life, not just the escape from the slavery of compulsive acting out but also the better person it’s makes you - and the places that then takes you.
    Power to you.
     
  7. Reborn16

    Reborn16 Fapstronaut

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    I enjoyed your example of focusing on something that is in your control which can be changed to your advantage. It's easy to stay set in our ways, but a change of pace and/or environment is often needed. Great to read your story!
     
    Tao Jones likes this.
  8. What an amazing story!! I am glad you made that difficult choice and made such a turn around in your life. Congrats! God is good.
     
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  9. Different Built

    Different Built Fapstronaut

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    Great story man. Thanks for the inspiration!!!
     
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  10. Deddog

    Deddog Fapstronaut

    Thank you for sharing your story, it's incredidble how well the verses from the Bible translate to our own lives. Godspeed friend, I wish you all the best!
     
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  11. ruso

    ruso Fapstronaut

    Tao, incredible story. Onwards indeed!
    Question for you, how long did it take to come up with the plan, and execute the decision to quit IT? What was the final reason or occurrence (if you can share) that cemented the decision and led to taking action? If it's in your journal let me know around where, and I'll take a look.
     
  12. I think it's all in my journal, but I'm not sure where exactly.

    I had a moment where the dissonance of the double life really got to me. I was looking at P. My wife was right on the other side of the office door, working with our kids on school. The picture of that incongruity floored me, literally. I laid down, my heart pounding. I felt like I might die. The duality was going to kill me. I couldn't keep up the facade any longer, but I also couldn't bear to tell the truth. I had to change, but I wasn't ready to tell anyone else why I had to change. So, in a way, I took a coward's way out: I decided in that moment that I would leave my job as soon as I found *anything* else that would cover our bare necessities. I made one call and had an offer about ten minutes later. I took this as a sign I was on the right track.

    I broke the news of my career change to my wife and family over the next few days. I played it off as me being burnt out on desk work. This was true, but not entirely for the reasons they imagined.

    In all of this, I believe God was inviting me to leave my job and do the hard work of recovery (although I did not have this language for it then). I believed he was in it and would provide for me and my family. He has done so without fail, every step of the way. Things have not been easy all the time, but we have never missed a meal or been without food or shelter. Things are not easy now -- the pace of work and the long hours are difficult -- but I acknowledge that there is always a price to pay. God has and will continue to grant me strength for every step he asks me to take. And so I will keep moving forward, one day and one step at a time.

    Onward! :)
     
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  13. If you see nothing good from abstinence, then why do you want to quit PMO?
     



  14. because I am already turning 40 years old and I am worried that in the future it will cause health problems. I wanted to do abstinence but it robs me of sleep according to what I discovered. What I can do ?
     
  15. Great story. Amazing how you pulled out by hook or crook. Guess that’s the only way.. God helps those who put in the work it seems like
     
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  16. Freedom will certainly cost us something. Entering the Kingdom will cost us everything. Best trade I ever made! :)

    "Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant seeking beautiful pearls, who, when he had found one pearl of great price, went and sold all that he had and bought it."
    Matthew 13:45-46
     
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  17. Maybe you can talk with your doctor about this? I am not familiar with this side effect of abstaining from PMO.
     
  18. I'm happy for you. I really am. But shit... It feels so tragic and just mind blowing that 30 YEARS have been wasted to porn. I'm so scared to think about those 50+ year old guys who had been slaves for so long.
    THEY HAD NO YOUTH! IT FUCKING BREAKS ME!
     
  19. again

    again Fapstronaut
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    What an inspiring story. Thank you!
     
    Tao Jones likes this.
  20. dovrha

    dovrha Fapstronaut

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    Woah, you are a modern day hero. My hat goes off to you.

    Make sure you pass this knowledge down to your sons, no matter how awkward it might be. Your example should be taught in schools!
     
    Kyrie eleison! likes this.

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