I discovered PMO when I was about 15 years old. It maintained a steady presence in my life for the next 30 years. Some years were really bad, and I acted out multiple times a day, sometimes even at work. Some years were better, and I was not troubled with it too much. But I knew I would always go back. I loved the cheap, plastic thrill of it too much to ever really quit. I did try to quit. I knew it wasn't good for me. When I got married, I knew it wasn't good for that, either. When I had kids, I again renewed my efforts to stop, so I could be a better example to my sons. All my attempts to quit ended in failure. It was just too hard. When I turned 40, I was working from home full-time. I was leading a double life. On one side of the office door was the addict, spending hours each day on PMO, and on the other side was the respected family man, deceiving the world as to who he truly was. The duplicity of it began to eat away at me. I tried once again to quit, committing myself to do whatever was required. This was going to be the time. But I couldn't. I did my best, I gave it my most intense effort, and found that no matter what I did, I could not resist the call of PMO when it came knocking. I had always deceived myself that I could quit any time I really wanted to. (The first and greatest lie we tell in addiction is to ourselves.) I felt trapped well and truly for the first time. That was when I knew I needed to get away from computers and smartphones. In my IT work, I was on these devices constantly, and the ease of access to P was more than I could cope with. The only way I could get free is if I got away from the source of my drug. In one of the hardest decisions of my life, I quit my IT career after about 20 years and started over as a plumber's apprentice, taking a 60% pay cut. I lied to my wife, family, and friends about why I was making the change. I was supporting a family of four, and I could not face the humiliation of revealing how weak I was. At the same time, I knew that if I did not follow through on my decision, I would remain stuck in PMO for the rest of my life. Eventually, it would destroy my marriage, my sons, my friendships. It would likely cost me my career if it was ever discovered how much time I wasted on PMO during work hours, effectively stealing from my employers. So I did a hard, good thing, but without honesty or nobility; just one further picture of how ruined and weak I had become due to the plague of PMO. That was seven years ago. (You can read more about my journey in my journal.) It has been difficult and very, very rewarding. I am now over two years free of PMO and 18 months free of all fantasizing, ogling, and P-subs. My relationship with my wife is the best it has ever been. I am finally able to be a model and a help to my sons in this area, esp. now as they are in their teen years. Even my health (mental and physical) has improved! PMO took a lot from me over the 30 years I was enslaved to it, but I am seeing those things begin to heal and grow back again. It is amazing to experience. This past month I had an opportunity to take on some additional responsibility at work. As I ran the numbers, I realized this role would mean working far more hours each week (40 normal FT hours and over 80 on-call hours). I had to smile at that: The one who once wasted many hours each week with PMO was now being offered the chance to work essentially every waking hour, six days a week. Poetic justice, eh? But I also realized that this promotion would put me just above my income level when I left my IT career seven years ago. I immediately recalled the Scripture: "So I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten..." (Joel 2:25a). In a little less than a decade, God had restored my family to its previous income while also orchestrating the improvement in my own life of just about every other metric you could imagine. On this Thanksgiving Day, I truly have much to be grateful for! I have been restored. Now, onward!