I work as a greeter at my church. Today, I helped this one girl find a seat. Upon first glance, I noticed something deeper about her. Sure she was a blonde, but I didn't scan her up and down before I made a judgement all on her. With her, there was a twinkle in her eye, a warm smile on her face, and what I felt as a connection between us. I didn't need to "qualify" her on her looks to know that I liked her today. I genuinely felt a feeling of connection between us. And that was just through a simple eye-to-eye "Good Morning" with a smile! 60 days ago I was obsessed with objectifying women, puffing myself up in pride, and being the "bigger man" with a closet ED problem. I was able to keep all girls at a safe distance by objectifying them in my mind and Ming to them later. I was AFRAID of connection with women because I had issues with BEING MYSELF. It was much safer to hide and have sex with myself rather than open my heart to connection. By the grace of God, today I could appreciate the subtlety of this woman's warm spirit, great energy and amazing heart. I glanced over at her a couple times throughout the service - she was singing and dancing freely, very passionate and beautiful. One of our mutual friends is going to try and put in a good word for me, but if nothing else I am just so overwhelmed by my capacity to feel love again - just thinking about the hope of relationship rooted in love makes me shake and bubble a little on the inside and burst with excitement.