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Return of urges and crippling anxiety at day 52.

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Slowlybutsurely, Jan 3, 2021.

  1. Slowlybutsurely

    Slowlybutsurely Fapstronaut

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    Started this nofap journey in July and have had streaks ranging from 50 days, 30 days, and a week or 2 here and there. Today I find myself on 52 days, my longest streak. Started because of pied.

    I had a really severe flatline around my first ever streak with depression and anxiety through the roof which lasted around a month. Really hard hitting depression, anxiety and irritability.

    Fat forward to my recent streak of 52 days as of today and anxiety has hit me hard!

    I feel physically sick with it.

    It started creeping in around 3 weeks ago. It would come and go but when it went I felt so good and confident I thought I was heading in the right direction. Morning wood was returning on a constant basis but now that hasn’t happened for a few days.
    I can see now that I was getting ahead of myself.

    Also these past few days I’ve been getting urges to look up “actresses” (which I haven’t done) these urges have only came into play these past few days since I started again 52 days ago.

    I can control the urges but the anxiety is getting really debilitating.

    I’ve been meeting up with a girl and going for walks for a few weeks now and felt good and confident around her but now I’m a stuttering wreck and feel sick with anxiety when I’m with her and she’s picked up on this and has been distant.

    I really thought i was on the road to recovery but me being me I’ve ran before I could walk.

    I workout every day and take cold showers but that doesn’t seem to help my anxiety anymore.

    The anxiety is really kicking my arse at minute.
     
    Last edited: Jan 3, 2021
    blacklabel92 likes this.
  2. bulldawg1970

    bulldawg1970 Fapstronaut

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    hang in there, you can do it, get out and do something you haven;t done in a while, even if it's simple
     
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  3. Slowlybutsurely

    Slowlybutsurely Fapstronaut

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    I’ve been keeping myself busy mate but nothing seems to be working, just hope it doesn’t last long!
     
    blacklabel92 likes this.
  4. bulldawg1970

    bulldawg1970 Fapstronaut

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    I don't think it will bro, just think about how you will feel once you break through, victory can and will be ours, it's your body, not the porn industries
     
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  5. Rev2.0

    Rev2.0 Fapstronaut

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    The only advice I can offer pertains to your walking partner. If she's been distancing, she may be picking up on your change of energy, or she may just be testing to see if you're needy and can handle "losing" her. I.e. how much power does she have over you? It's also possible if you've been meeting up with her for a few weeks and haven't escalated beyond walks together, that's causing her to lose interest. But regardless what's behind it on her end, your best move there is no move... at least right now. Match her distancing, i.e. wait for her to reach out to you next. If you overpursue, especially from a place of anxiety, it won't end up well. Spend the times you would have spent with her working on yourself. If she initiates new contact and you want more, then man up and make a move. If she doesn't, you'll still be in a better frame to attract someone else. Good luck!
     
    Last edited: Jan 3, 2021
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  6. Slowlybutsurely

    Slowlybutsurely Fapstronaut

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    What you have said has really struck a chord with me, thanks!
    You’re right.
     
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  7. OhWhenThe

    OhWhenThe Fapstronaut

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    I don't have any advice but I know this feeling too well, it's like your body is in a constant state of emergency. All I can really say is stay strong, you're going to have to get through it at some point and you're already well on your way so it may as well be now.
     
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  8. Slowlybutsurely

    Slowlybutsurely Fapstronaut

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    Cheers mate, just wish my head would sort itself out! One day at a time though.
     
  9. ElderStatesman

    ElderStatesman Fapstronaut

    Have you seen a doctor regarding this? Consider seeking a referral to a psychiatrist. The level of anxiety you’re describing is troubling.

    There are pharmaceuticals today that have successful track records for the treatment of anxiety and depression. One thing the mental health industry has not been able to cure is addiction, but getting control of your anxiety might help you deal with it.

    Not everyone recommends going that route for a variety of reasons. I can only speak for myself in doing so. The question I asked myself was: “Why go on feeling this way?”
     
    Last edited: Jan 3, 2021
  10. Slowlybutsurely

    Slowlybutsurely Fapstronaut

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    Cheers mate. I have always suffered anxiety but seen that improve over my nofap streaks. But it’s really came back with back with a vengeance lately. I’m hoping that will pass and that I’ll feel better like I was not so long ago.
     

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