Revelations

StartingOver · Feb 3, 2018

I havent posted in a long time since my SO went hunting for my posts one night.....read them all and then didnt tell me. When confronted with the facts he simply complained it was painful to read. Well duh!

Anyway thats a whole other story.

Last night our discussion turned argument revealed to me the true reason for the lack of recovery. I wanted to post it here hoping that someone might know what to do next. Its been 5mths almost since Dday.

So 1 week ago I asked my SO to move back into the spare room after almost 2wks of breaking every boundry that had been set out by both of us. The only thing he stuck to was no p or psubs.
After 1wk of being seperated i pointed out he had done nothing to try and repair the damage. He just abandoned any kind of recovery work.
And then he says something i thought was incredibly stupid and self serving: "i thought if i gave you enough time you would get over it"
WTF? Really?
I asked why he refused to watch the 'Affair recovery' videos that i subscribed him to on his youtube account. He deleted the subscrption without mentioning it.
He announced he shouldnt have to look at that stuff coming up on his youtube account everyday. "I have to scroll past it just to watch what I want". Then my favourite comment of all time i do believe: "Whats it called? Affair recovery? I didnt cheat on you!"
He honestly believes that as long as he is P free....i will eventually get over it and he wont need to do the recovery work. And any recovery work he has done has had no effect. He still refuses to communicate or fix our sex and intimacy issues
He is telling himself its not that bad and if he just rides it out everything will go back to normal.
I dont know if i need advice or this is just venting. But im pretty sure I AM DONE.

GG2002 · Feb 3, 2018

StartingOver said: ↑

I havent posted in a long time since my SO went hunting for my posts one night.....read them all and then didnt tell me. When confronted with the facts he simply complained it was painful to read. Well duh!

Anyway thats a whole other story.

Last night our discussion turned argument revealed to me the true reason for the lack of recovery. I wanted to post it here hoping that someone might know what to do next. Its been 5mths almost since Dday.

So 1 week ago I asked my SO to move back into the spare room after almost 2wks of breaking every boundry that had been set out by both of us. The only thing he stuck to was no p or psubs.
After 1wk of being seperated i pointed out he had done nothing to try and repair the damage. He just abandoned any kind of recovery work.
And then he says something i thought was incredibly stupid and self serving: "i thought if i gave you enough time you would get over it"
WTF? Really?
I asked why he refused to watch the 'Affair recovery' videos that i subscribed him to on his youtube account. He deleted the subscrption without mentioning it.
He announced he shouldnt have to look at that stuff coming up on his youtube account everyday. "I have to scroll past it just to watch what I want". Then my favourite comment of all time i do believe: "Whats it called? Affair recovery? I didnt cheat on you!"
He honestly believes that as long as he is P free....i will eventually get over it and he wont need to do the recovery work. And any recovery work he has done has had no effect. He still refuses to communicate or fix our sex and intimacy issues
He is telling himself its not that bad and if he just rides it out everything will go back to normal.
I dont know if i need advice or this is just venting. But im pretty sure I AM DONE.
Click to expand...

I am so sorry. I left my addict partner. For me, his failure to accept how bad what he did was, and constant push to just get over it was a huge factor. He did not want to talk about it either he refused. He words say I stopped PMO and that was the end of the discussion. Yes we still had intimacy problems and he still struggled in bed, but that was not up for discussion with him. Stopping PMO is the easy part, the hard part is dealing with the underlying issues that got them there in the first place. That work is uncomfortable and addicts don’t like to feel that at all. If he won’t do the work there’s not much you can do. I wish I could tell you how to reach him, but often they are just too far gone or their addiction is to be reached.

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