Rewiring my neuro-paths for regular sex (male masturbator)

[dannCUU]

Hello all,

My name is Daniel and I discovered I had porn addiction until I started realized I had a DE problem. I don't know if it was due to the porn or more to the way I used to masturbate Death grip. I have been doing noFap for over a month now. I don't know the exact day when I quit though. I decided to join because I feel like I am in the flatline and I got scared because this coincided with the time I met a girl and she worries that I won't be able to improve how we have had sex so far. At the beginning she thought that I wasn't able to ejaculate because I didn't find her pretty. Then I explained her my masturbation problem and how I quit because I wanted to improve my life.

I feel like I already went through the most difficult part by myself. I don't feel the urges now. However I still need to re-wire my brain for normal sex because I tried twice already with her without being able to ejaculate. I am scared that I won't be able to finish for a third time because I really like her.

The first time I had sex with her but couldn't finish I felt so frustrated that I had to relapse. However I tried to do it in a way that simulated sex in a more realistic way (no death grip and at a natural rhythm). Then the following question came to my mind and this is the reason why I decided to join the forum. The question is: Do you think a masturbating device such as a silicone vagina would help me to rewire my brain into "how a vagina feels like"?. Or would it only make the problem worse?.

Thank you.

 

[Prashanna]

Just masturbate however you like, but quit the porn. Train your brain to natural means such as touch and fantasy alone, but not any form of artificialness. No photos, no videos , no audio, no erotica. It should be just you.

By watching porn you're training your brain for higher and higher amounts of dopamine to be secreted. So when you fail to reach that threshold in real life, you'll start having problems. By eliminating porn that threshold should drastically reduce, and you should be able to do it. I had ED and DE with a girl and couldn't get it up through fantasy and touch alone. After a 53 day abstinence, I finally masturbated, and I had weak erections. I guess I was flatlining a bit. After 3 weak erection sessions, I finally was able to M with hard erections through touch and fantasy alone. Felt so good to be back. I was with another girl recently, we just fooled around and I was able to get hard and ejaculate in like 5 mins, which I could've delayed if she wasn't being that persistent and letting go for a bit.

As for the male masturbator, I'd say go for it. But never use porn.

 

[Deleted Account]

I wouldnt recommend. A male mastubator isnt a person or a vagina, it will only slow your progress. I've nothing against masturbation but I dont think its a good idea when trying to recover from DE. I also would abstain from any fantasising whatsoever. From personal experience, fantasising while MO completely stopped me being able to function with a partner. Because my mind was wired to things that weren't real. Even if you're fantasising about real sex, that fantasy will be perfect. Just what you need to get off. But real sex isnt like that.

I would advise you stop focussing on 'finishing' and learn to be present and enjoy yourself in the moment, and work on intimacy. Explain to your GF that recovery takes a while, sometimes a long while, and you'd like to use this time while you're healing to really connect with her (and finishing her will be huge brownie points too)

You'll be able to finish when you're ready. Its important that GF understands because if you feel pressured to 'perform' for her its unlikely to happen.

 

[Prashanna]

I'd agree on one thing Bluebell said. Don't PMO during your reboot phase. There should be a long initial break to help rewire your brain. Once it's rewired, I think it's alright to go ham on MO all you want as long as there is no porn. At least this is the story of my life. And I got my advice from yourbrainonporn . com which is not anti masturbation unlike nofap. I've been fantasizing to real sex the last 2 months or so for masturbation and two weeks ago I was with a girl and I got my instrument to work without any problems to just touch. I consider myself rebooted. Actually, I can get it to work through touch alone, without any fantasy, but hey fantasy just helped spice it up and it doesn't seem to be working against me. Fantasy IS natural, as long as it isnt' about porn so it's alright in my books.