Road to freedom update !

Okay, good. Yes that’s true. Okay, we’ll I didn’t go back. Okay and okay. Wow, okay. Yes, that’s so true. Yes and yes, that’s definitely so true.

 

Day 2 Sep 12th complete: today was awesome ! No urges to PMO at all. Again, I did not have a sexualized dream last night. Again, every thought and temptation that tried to come my way, I got rid of them. I did have triggers, but never acted on them. Today, I avoided basically all sexual things. But at times, it seems like I’m always bombarded by sexual things. (Trigger warning), today I saw an HBO ad that had a very very brief, very very quick sexual video. I don't think I was even aroused because it was so quick and I couldn't tell. Both people were naked and looked like they were having sex or something. But luckily they had there backs to the camera so I couldn’t see. Plus it was so quick I couldn’t tell what was happening. I do know they were both naked and had they’re backs to the camera. I know it wasn’t on purpose. It was actually by accident because I didn’t know that it would have that. But I’m still having a hard time at not lusting. It’s so hard to control and I just go straight to lusting without thinking twice. It’s annoying. I tried not to lust, but I was unsuccessful at times. I need help from others on how to control lust. Oing is still an issue. Many times when it starts, it doesn’t stop for a while. I had multiple Os without Ming. I did have Os at times throughout the day. Here’s something to add again. Thoughts are uncontrollable at times. But it was kind of easy today, except for the lusting thoughts. Usually Many times I just give in without thinking once or twice. There are times when I would find truth in the Bible and something that speaks to me. But it works for a short time, then the enemy always finds a way to remove that truth and drag me back into the same sin. But now I’m praying and still praying that the trinity and the angels would guard me from losing truth and things that spoke to me in the Bible. it’s definitely helping and working. Back to what I learned several nights ago, it’s been a while now. My resistance is still weak because I’ve given in for so long. But it’s definitely getting better, 1 day or 2 ago, it was hard during 3 battles I had, But I won 2 out of 3 battles. i want to and will continue to pray that God will help me make my resistance to PMO and every sexual thing better. I will request for backup to the Holy Spirit again and ask God to command his angels to guard me and help me, along with Gabriel and Michael. I know I’ve posted about wanting love, but I’m gonna trust, have faith and believe in the trinity to send me the girl or woman he wants me to be with. It takes one day at a time. I know in some posts I’ve complained way too much. I apologize for that. Everyone has been encouraging me, telling me truth, giving me amazing and great advice and also praying for me. I’m so thankful for that and I really appreciate it. This battle is hard and difficult at times. But as people have said, I will overcome this. It takes time though and I understand 100%. I thank you all so much and I love and really appreciate everyone. You all keep it up and don’t stop and give up. Keep fighting. Keep fighting the good fight. God Bless you all. Today was pretty good. This morning I actually didn’t watch cartoons this morning. I was on nofap. When I got up, I did the song I usually do in the morning. I read my Bible and prayed today. Again, I will pray before falling asleep. Then i went to shower. Then I came downstairs and actually I went outside to see my sister and my nephew. They were watering trees with the ATV. I hopped in and rode while my sister drove. Then we went to drop something off at someone’s house. Then my nephew’s dad come over to the tennis courts and we went to play tennis. Then we came home for a little bit. Then we went to a friend’s house. Later, my nephew’s dad left and we actually stayed and ate dinner. Then we came home and I talked with the family for a little while. Then I went to workout. I watched pirates of the carrbean while I worked out. Then I came upstairs and got ready for bed. When I got in bed, I started writing this message late night to very early morning. I finished this message the next morning.


That’s what happened on that day.

 

Back to 0 days: something must have happened. A thought, something I read. Could be anything. I was gonna call my best friend and/or post on nofap, but the enemy took me over. I MO’d.

the enemy wants me to believe and will try to get me to think I’m a worthless loser, that I’ll never win this addiction, I’m a worthless failure. That’s what the enemy wants. But I’m not buying it. I know that I’m loved, I’m pure, I’m saved, I’m holy, I’m redeemed, I’m sanctified. All in Christ. I will rise again.

I’m writing a battle plan so I can know my triggers and figure out how to fight.

 

2 confessions: wow, just wow ! I had one battle lasted till or a tiny bit past midnight. That’s why I put 2 confessions, one for late night just a little bit ago and one for midnight or a little past midnight. I was in the shower when thoughts started coming. When I was out of the shower, I was sitting there for a little before the thought cane up again. Then I started looking it up. I typed in words and pressed enter. But before I went farther, I stopped in my tracks and started listening to the Holy Spirit, to my heart as well. I read the battle plan I have for the fight. It said to do exactly what I was doing. Listen to the spirit. This is what it says:

“If I’m tempted to P, do what you did a few days ago. Listen to what your heart says, not what your mind says. Your mind can and will easily trick, lie, manipulate, cheat, deceive & devour you. If you start doing something and you suddenly stop in your tracks, that’s the Holy Spirit stopping you and telling you to not go any farther. To back off and leave the situation. Listen to that soft conviction in your heart from the spirit and obey it.”

It took me a while because I knew what would happen if I had given in. I’d be full of shame and guilt. I’d be upset and angry, ECT. After a while I said, “I can’t do this. No”. ECT. Then I closed the page and thanked me for helping. Then I moved on. But I’m so thankful that I’m actually winning against P. Thank God and praise God !!!

 

Thank you and yes it is. Thank you and yes it is. Okay, got it.

 

Over half of a day, Sep 13th complete: today was pretty good. I M’d again this morning. I won a battle with P very late tonight/very early morning.


Here’s the report from this morning:


“Back to 0 days: something must have happened. A thought, something I read. Could be anything. I was gonna call my best friend and/or post on nofap, but the enemy took me over. I MO’d.


the enemy wants me to believe and will try to get me to think I’m a worthless loser, that I’ll never win this addiction, I’m a worthless failure. That’s what the enemy wants. But I’m not buying it. I know that I’m loved, I’m pure, I’m saved, I’m holy, I’m redeemed, I’m sanctified. All in Christ. I will rise again.”


Here is the report from late tonight into very early morning:


“2 confessions: wow, just wow ! I had one battle lasted till or a tiny bit past midnight. That’s why I put 2 confessions, one for late night just a little bit ago and one for midnight or a little past midnight. I was in the shower when thoughts started coming. When I was out of the shower, I was sitting there for a little before the thought cane up again. Then I started looking it up. I typed in words and pressed enter. But before I went farther, I stopped in my tracks and started listening to the Holy Spirit, to my heart as well. I read the battle plan I have for the fight. It said to do exactly what I was doing. Listen to the spirit. This is what it says:


‘If I’m tempted to P, do what you did a few days ago. Listen to what your heart says, not what your mind says. Your mind can and will easily trick, lie, manipulate, cheat, deceive & devour you. If you start doing something and you suddenly stop in your tracks, that’s the Holy Spirit stopping you and telling you to not go any farther. To back off and leave the situation. Listen to that soft conviction in your heart from the spirit and obey it.’


It took me a while because I knew what would happen if I had given in. I’d be full of shame and guilt. I’d be upset and angry, ECT. After a while I said, “I can’t do this. No”. ECT. Then I closed the page and thanked me for helping. Then I moved on. But I’m so thankful that I’m actually winning against P. Thank God and praise God !!!”


Again, I did not have a sexualized dream last night. Again, every thought and temptation that tried to come my way, I got rid of them or tried. I did have triggers, but never acted on them. Today, I tried to avoid basically all or most sexual things. But at times, it seems like I’m always bombarded by sexual thing. But I’m still having a hard time at not lusting. It’s so hard to control and I just go straight to lusting without thinking twice. It’s annoying. I tried not to lust, but I was unsuccessful at times. I need help from others on how to control lust. Actually I saw some, (trigger warning), cheerleaders during a football game and also saw another, “sexy”, scene or commercial on tv. But miraculously, I did not PMO. I had turn ons and may actually had an O and even thought about Ming. I stated or thought about it, but I stopped. I actually had ideas and thoughts about Ping. No one was in the house at the time and of course a time or so when they were that I had ideas. But never acted on those and I’m so glad. Unfortunately, I lusted after any girl or woman I saw potentially and also men as well. Oing is still an issue. Many times when it starts, it doesn’t stop for a while. I had multiple Os without Ming. I did have Os at times throughout the day. Here’s something to add again. Thoughts are uncontrollable at times. But it was kind of easy today, except for the lusting thoughts. Usually Many times I just give in without thinking once or twice. There are times when I would find truth in the Bible and something that speaks to me. But it works for a short time, then the enemy always finds a way to remove that truth and drag me back into the same sin. But now I’m praying and still praying that the trinity and the angels would guard me from losing truth and things that spoke to me in the Bible. it’s definitely helping and working. Back to what I learned several nights ago, it’s been a while now. My resistance is still weak because I’ve given in for so long. But it’s definitely getting better, a few days ago, it was hard during 3 battles I had, But I won 2 out of 3 battles. i want to and will continue to pray that God will help me make my resistance to PMO and every sexual sin better. I know someone told me that the Holy Spirit doesn’t need backing up. I personally think it does because i now know how I work. Sometimes I easily give in to temptation and not listen or obey the spirit, that’s why I’m continuing to request backup to the Holy Spirit. So I will continue to request for backup to the Holy Spirit and ask God to command his angels to guard me and help me, along with Gabriel and Michael. I know I’ve posted about wanting love, but I’m gonna trust, have faith and believe in the trinity to send me the girl or woman he wants me to be with. It takes one day at a time. I know in some posts I’ve complained way too much. I apologize for that. Everyone has been encouraging me, telling me truth, giving me amazing and great advice and also praying for me. I’m so thankful for that and I really appreciate it. This battle is hard and difficult at times. But as people have said, I will overcome this. It takes time though and I understand 100%. I thank you all so much and I love and really appreciate everyone. You all keep it up and don’t stop and give up. Keep fighting. Keep fighting the good fight. God Bless you all. Today was good. This morning I actually didn’t watch cartoons this morning. I was on nofap. When I got up, I actually did not do the song I usually do in the morning. I also didn’t read my Bible or pray this morning. Again, I will pray before falling asleep. Then I went downstairs and started my day of NFL football games. I also replied to an email. After a little bit, I watched church in the living room. Then I watched football for a while. Then we went to play tennis. Then we came home and watched more football. I also did collage basically all day. If I can remember, either before doing collage or during, my sister, nephew, his dad and me drove to the mailbox at the end of the road, then we came back. Like I said, I basically did collage all a lot of the rest of the day. I did not workout today as I was doing collage a lot of the rest of the day. Then I came upstairs and got ready for bed. When I got in bed, I started writing this message late night to very early morning. I finished this message the next morning.


That’s what happened on that day.

 

Confession: I’m resisting another temptation. To MO or to OM this morning. I started trying to pleasure myself. Started edging to the side of my underwear and caution for a little bit off and on. Then I did one wipe on my underwear with my caution and one wipe inside my underwear with my caution. After that, I got up as it says: “In the morning If I begin to M, I must get up at all cost and not be lazy. Even if I’m, “touching myself”, because I have to go to the bathroom, I must get up. It doesn’t matter if the underwear is soft and smooth or if it’s not soft and not smooth. Call a friend and/or post about the situation on nofap”. I got up, said, “NO” ! Then I got on my knees next to my bed and prayed that the trinity would help me. Then I got in bed. This may have been due to a thought or something that happened yesterday. But I did resist it.

 

Well, it’s a more, “appropriate”, word for penis or d*ick.

 

One day, Sep 14th complete: today was pretty good. I won a minor battle M This morning.


Here’s the report from this morning:


“Confession: I’m resisting another temptation. To MO or to OM this morning. I started trying to pleasure myself. Started edging to the side of my underwear and caution for a little bit off and on. Then I did one wipe on my underwear with my caution and one wipe inside my underwear with my caution. After that, I got up as it says: “In the morning If I begin to M, I must get up at all cost and not be lazy. Even if I’m, “touching myself”, because I have to go to the bathroom, I must get up. It doesn’t matter if the underwear is soft and smooth or if it’s not soft and not smooth. Call a friend and/or post about the situation on nofap”. I got up, said, “NO” ! Then I got on my knees next to my bed and prayed that the trinity would help me. Then I got in bed. This may have been due to a thought or something that happened yesterday. But I did resist it.”


Someone asked me what the caution is for. For those who don’t know, me and my best friend thought that the word, “caution”, would be more appropriate than saying the words, “d*ck, and, “peinuis”.


Again, I did not have a sexualized dream last night. Again, every thought and temptation that tried to come my way, I got rid of them or tried. The thoughts were just ridiculous today. Constantly coming and flooding my mind. I did have triggers, but never acted on them. Today, I tried to avoid basically all or most sexual things. But at times, it seems like I’m always bombarded by sexual things. The only thing I did was a P-sub. I read plans about marriage and sex, mostly sex on the Bible app, that’s all I did. But I’m still having a hard time at not lusting. It’s so hard to control and I just go straight to lusting without thinking twice. It’s annoying. I tried not to lust, but I was unsuccessful at times. I need help from others on how to control lust. Unfortunately, I lust after any girl or woman I see potentially and also men as well. Oing is still an issue. Many times when it starts, it doesn’t stop for a while. I had multiple Os without Ming. I did have Os at times throughout the day. Here’s something to add again. Thoughts are uncontrollable at times. But it was so hard today, especially for the lusting thoughts. Usually Many times I just give in without thinking once or twice. There are times when I would find truth in the Bible and something that speaks to me. But it works for a short time, then the enemy always finds a way to remove that truth and drag me back into the same sin. But now I’m praying and still praying that the trinity and the angels would guard me from losing truth and things that spoke to me in the Bible. it’s definitely helping and working. Back to what I learned several nights ago, it’s been a while now. My resistance is still weak because I’ve given in for so long. But it’s definitely getting better. It’s actually getting way stronger. i want to and will continue to pray that God will help me make my resistance to PMO and every sexual sin better. I know someone told me that the Holy Spirit doesn’t need backing up. I personally think it does because i now know how I work. Sometimes I easily give in to temptation and not listen or obey the spirit, that’s why I’m continuing to request backup to the Holy Spirit. So I will continue to request for backup to the Holy Spirit and ask God to command his angels to guard me and help me, along with Gabriel and Michael. I know I’ve posted about wanting love, but I’m gonna continue to trust, have faith and believe in the trinity to send me the girl or woman he wants me to be with. It takes one day at a time. I know in some posts I’ve complained way too much. I apologize for that. Everyone has been encouraging me, telling me truth, giving me amazing and great advice and also praying for me. I’m so thankful for that and I really appreciate it. This battle is hard and difficult at times. But as people have said, I will overcome this. It takes time though and I understand 100%. I thank you all so much and I love and really appreciate everyone. You all keep it up and don’t stop and give up. Keep fighting. Keep fighting the good fight. God Bless you all. Today was good. This morning I didn’t watch cartoons this morning again. I was on nofap. When I got up, I did the song I usually do in the morning. Then I read my Bible and prayed. The Holy Spirit taught me about unconditional love. When it comes to Marriage and sex.


This is what I told my best friend:


“Well, basically about love. Unconditional love. He brought me back to, (my ex crush), and what you said was absolutely right. I was obsessed with her and wasn't loving her unconditionally. I hate to say it but I feel that's true. He also taught me about the love in marriage. If you've read the verses in epheines. There's a part that says that a wife must respect her husband and I said that because of all the crap I've been through in my life and all the sexual sin I've had, there's absolutely no way that I deserve to be respected by any woman, let alone the trinity themselves. Also if you've read 1 Corinthians 7. There is a part there that says a woman should give her husband all that he should have has his wife. I also said that I absolutely do not deserve to get anything from the wife I marry. I especially don’t deserve her body. The fact that a woman would unconditionally give herself including her body to someone like me is so freakin amazing. Also the classic verse from Geneses about a husband and wife coming together, the Holy Spirit helped me to see how beautiful that verse is. It's amazing that the God who has kept me from suicide and basically turned me into a totally different person and even created me, would create something so beautiful as love and marriage is. I started getting emotional because of all this. I want to love someone unconditionally. I told God, "If you bring my ex crush back into my life, great. If you bring someone else into my life, that's also great. But I want to love them unconditionally. But I'm not gonna talk or think about my ex crush. I don’t deserve any of this unconditional love from the trinity or a wife. What I do deserve is to be homeless, in a box, on the street, in rugged clothes and dirty as all get out, begging for money. That’s what I deserve. I don’t deserve a this unconditional love from the trinity. I don’t deserve a girl or woman. I don’t deserve a wife. I definitely don’t deserve her body at all. I deserve absolutely none of this at all”, (Forgot to add the last part).


Again, I will pray before falling asleep. Then I went to shower. Then I went outside. My nephew’s dad was there when I came out. I also played with my nephew. I drove him around in my ATV. I also pushed him around In his little car. Then Played some more. Then we went inside and played some more. We were gonna go somewhere, but it got late so we decided to stay home and eat dinner. I played with my nephew and while i warmed up for Monday Night Football. I also went over to a rock I found and knelt down over it and prayed. I’m doing this as an example for others to do. It’s the same as when Christ was in the garden before his arrest and all. Then i came back in and started watching football. I did collage as I worked out. Then after everything was done and over, I came upstairs and got ready for bed. When I got in bed, I started writing this message late night to very early morning. I finished this message at around 1:30AM.



That’s what happened on that day.

 

Multiple confessions: this afternoon was so freakin hard. I read about sex and marriage in the Bible app as a P-sub. Later, I was hanging out with my best friend while he did school. I read Song of Solomon and also other sexual related things, marriage and sex in marriage in my physical Bible. I got multiple highs and orgasms from all that. I also replied to a message on nofap. After that, at least 10 times or less or maybe more, I had urges to P. Every time, I would leave and type in words and press enter. Every time, my heart and the Holy Spirit would tell me not to give in. By the power of God and Christ, I was able to not give into the urges. I even prayed one time. But I was kind of praying every time. I was also texting my best friend and he was texting me and trying to help me. But it was so freakin hard no matter what. But by the power of the trinity, I resisted every urge to P. God is good, Christ is good and the Holy Spirit is good.

 

2 days, Sep 15th complete: today was insane. I resisted an urge or temptation to M. I won about 10 or less or maybe more urges to P.

here’s the report from this morning:

“Confession: I resisted another temptation to MO or to OM this morning. I started trying to pleasure myself. Started edging to the side of my underwear and caution for a little bit off and on. also just before my underwear starts. After that, I stopped as it says: “In the morning If I begin to M, I must get up at all cost and not be lazy. Even if I’m, “touching myself”, because I have to go to the bathroom, I must get up. It doesn’t matter if the underwear is soft and smooth or if it’s not soft and not smooth. Call a friend and/or post about the situation on nofap”. This may have been due to a thought or something that happened sometime, But I did resist it.”

Here’s the report from this afternoon:

“Multiple confessions: this afternoon was so freakin hard. I read about sex and marriage in the Bible app as a P-sub. Later, I was hanging out with my best friend while he did school. I read Song of Solomon and also other sexual related things, marriage and sex in marriage in my physical Bible. I got multiple highs and orgasms from all that. I also replied to a message on nofap. After that, at least 10 times or less or maybe more, I had urges to P. Every time, I would leave and type in words and press enter. Every time, my heart and the Holy Spirit would tell me not to give in. By the power of God and Christ, I was able to not give into the urges. I even prayed one time. But I was kind of praying every time. I was also texting my best friend and he was texting me and trying to help me. But it was so freakin hard no matter what. But by the power of the trinity, I resisted every urge to P. God is good, Christ is good and the Holy Spirit is good.”


Someone asked me what the caution is for. For those who don’t know, me and my best friend thought that the word, “caution”, would be more appropriate than saying the words, “d*ck, and, “peinuis”. Again, I did not have a sexualized dream last night. Again, every thought and temptation that tried to come my way, I tried to get rid of it, but they ended up just taking over. The thoughts were just ridiculous again today. Constantly coming and flooding my mind. I did have triggers, but never acted on them. Today, I tried to avoid basically all or most sexual things. But at times, it seems like I’m always bombarded by sexual things. The only thing I did was a P-sub. I read plans about marriage and sex, mostly sex on the Bible app, that’s all I did. I was tempted to P multiple times today, but i was able to resist the temptation to click on sites and images. But I did type words and pressed enter. But I’m still having a hard time at not lusting. It’s so hard to control and I just go straight to lusting without thinking twice. It’s annoying. I tried not to lust, but I was unsuccessful at times. I need help from others on how to control lust. Unfortunately, I lust after any girl or woman I see potentially and also men as well. Oing is still an issue. Many times when it starts, it doesn’t stop for a while. I had multiple Os without Ming. I did have Os at times throughout the day. Here’s something to add again. Thoughts are uncontrollable at times. But it was so hard today, especially for the lusting thoughts. Usually Many times I just give in without thinking once or twice. There are times when I would find truth in the Bible and something that speaks to me. But it works for a short time, then the enemy always finds a way to remove that truth and drag me back into the same sin. But now I’m praying and still praying that the trinity and the angels would guard me from losing truth and things that spoke to me in the Bible. it’s definitely helping and working. Back to what I learned several nights ago, it’s been a while now. My resistance is still weak because I’ve given in for so long. But it’s definitely getting better. It’s actually getting way stronger. i want to and will continue to pray that God will help me make my resistance to PMO and every sexual sin better. I know someone told me that the Holy Spirit doesn’t need backing up. I personally think it does because i now know how I work. Sometimes I easily give in to temptation and not listen or obey the spirit, that’s why I’m continuing to request backup to the Holy Spirit. So I will continue to request for backup to the Holy Spirit and ask God to command his angels to guard me and help me, along with Gabriel and Michael. I know I’ve posted about wanting love, but I’m gonna continue to trust, have faith and believe in the trinity to send me the girl or woman he wants me to be with. It takes one day at a time. I know in some posts I’ve complained way too much. I apologize for that. Everyone has been encouraging me, telling me truth, giving me amazing and great advice and also praying for me. I’m so thankful for that and I really appreciate it. This battle is hard and difficult at times. But as people have said, I will overcome this. It takes time though and I understand 100%. I thank you all so much and I love and really appreciate everyone. You all keep it up and don’t stop and give up. Keep fighting. Keep fighting the good fight. God Bless you all. Today was good. This morning I didn’t watch cartoons this morning again. I was on nofap. When I got up, I did the song I usually do in the morning. Then I read my Bible, I didn’t pray until later in the day. When I read my Bible a few days ago, The Holy Spirit taught me about unconditional love When it comes to Marriage and sex.

This is what I told my best friend:

“Well, basically about love. Unconditional love. He brought me back to, (my ex crush), and what you said was absolutely right. I was obsessed with her and wasn't loving her unconditionally. I hate to say it but I feel that's true. He also taught me about the love in marriage. If you've read the verses in epheines. There's a part that says that a wife must respect her husband and I said that because of all the crap I've been through in my life and all the sexual sin I've had, there's absolutely no way that I deserve to be respected by any woman, let alone the trinity themselves. Also if you've read 1 Corinthians 7. There is a part there that says a woman should give her husband all that he should have has his wife. I also said that I absolutely do not deserve to get anything from the wife I marry. I especially don’t deserve her body. The fact that a woman would unconditionally give herself including her body to someone like me is so freakin amazing. Also the classic verse from Geneses about a husband and wife coming together, the Holy Spirit helped me to see how beautiful that verse is. It's amazing that the God who has kept me from suicide and basically turned me into a totally different person and even created me, would create something so beautiful as love and marriage is. I started getting emotional because of all this. I want to love someone unconditionally. I told God, "If you bring my ex crush back into my life, great. If you bring someone else into my life, that's also great. But I want to love them unconditionally. But I'm not gonna talk or think about my ex crush. I don’t deserve any of this unconditional love from the trinity or a wife. What I do deserve is to be homeless, in a box, on the street, in rugged clothes and dirty as all get out, begging for money. That’s what I deserve. I don’t deserve a this unconditional love from the trinity. I don’t deserve a girl or woman. I don’t deserve a wife. I definitely don’t deserve her body at all. I deserve absolutely none of this at all”, (Forgot to add the last part).

Again, I will pray before falling asleep. Then I went to shower. Then we went to a friends house for a while. Then we came home and i drove to a hill in my atv to pray and read my Bible. Then i took my nephew, sister and mom for a drive. Then came inside and talked to the family. Then I played with my nephew. Later, I went back to the hill to read my Bible and pray. Then i came inside and worked out while I watched football. I did not go to the rock to kneel and pray. To let you know, I’m doing this as an example for others to do. It’s the same as when Christ was in the garden before his arrest and all. After my workout, I came upstairs and got ready for bed. Before I go in bed, I started writing this message late night to very early morning. I finished this message at around 12:15AM.

That’s what happened on that day.

 

Back to 0 days: I had thoughts and ideas. I started pleasuring myself outside of my underwear, right before my caution. Then I started Ming off and on. Then I P’d and had Os. Then I M’d with the Os. I PMO’d. Seriously ? After I had resisted 10 or so urges to P and an urge or temptation to M ?! Unbelievable. The Holy Spirit was telling me that what I was doing was wrong and I didn’t and couldn’t stop, I basically rejected what he was saying. I have to go before the trinity and ask for forgiveness. I feel like crap now. I defiled every rule in the plan to fight PMO. I’m not believing the lies of Satan, the devil, the demons, the enemy. I will only believe everything that the trinity, Jesus Christ, God, the Holy Spirit and the angels say who I am. Once again, I’m sorry to all in heaven and all those who love the trinity here on earth. I know that I will rise again.

 

Back to 0 days again: again I had thoughts and ideas from the same thing, things that someone had said that triggered me. I was hesitant to not P. Again the Holy Spirit and my heart was stopping me and telling me no. I Closed the page and went back several times before I clicked on sites and videos. Eventually I P’d and had Os again. Then I M’d with the Os again. I PMO’d again. Once again, seriously ?! After I had resisted 10 or so urges to P yesterday afternoon and resisted an urge or temptation to MO or OM yesterday morning ?! Unbelievable ! The Holy Spirit and my heart were again trying to stop me before I PMO’d and telling me that what I was about to do was wrong and again I basically rejected what he was saying. I have to go before the trinity again and ask for forgiveness. I feel crapper now. I defiled every rule in the plan to fight PMO again. Again, I’m not believing the lies of Satan, the devil, the demons, the enemy. I will only believe everything that the trinity, Jesus Christ, God, the Holy Spirit and the angels say who I am. Once again, I’m sorry to all in heaven and all those who love the trinity here on earth. I know that I will rise again.
But please pray for me, this is going to be a really hard day.

 

Sep 16 complete at around 9:18AM. today started terrible, but got much better. I PMO’d in the very early morning hours today. Then I PMO’d again later in the morning.


Here’s the report from this very early morning:


Back to 0 days: I had thoughts and ideas. I started pleasuring myself outside of my underwear, right before my caution. Then I started Ming off and on. Then I P’d and had Os. Then I M’d with the Os. I PMO’d. Seriously ? After I had resisted 10 or so urges to P and an urge or temptation to M ?! Unbelievable. The Holy Spirit was telling me that what I was doing was wrong and I didn’t and couldn’t stop, I basically rejected what he was saying. I have to go before the trinity and ask for forgiveness. I feel like crap now. I defiled every rule in the plan to fight PMO. I’m not believing the lies of Satan, the devil, the demons, the enemy. I will only believe everything that the trinity, Jesus Christ, God, the Holy Spirit and the angels say who I am. Once again, I’m sorry to all in heaven and all those who love the trinity here on earth. I know that I will rise again.


This is the report for later in the morning:


Back to 0 days again: again I had thoughts and ideas from the same thing, things that someone had said that triggered me. I was hesitant to not P. Again the Holy Spirit and my heart was stopping me and telling me no. I Closed the page and went back several times before I clicked on sites and videos. Eventually I P’d and had Os again. Then I M’d with the Os again. I PMO’d again. Once again, seriously ?! After I had resisted 10 or so urges to P yesterday afternoon and resisted an urge or temptation to MO or OM yesterday morning ?! Unbelievable ! The Holy Spirit and my heart were again trying to stop me before I PMO’d and telling me that what I was about to do was wrong and again I basically rejected what he was saying. I have to go before the trinity again and ask for forgiveness. I feel crapper now. I defiled every rule in the plan to fight PMO again. Again, I’m not believing the lies of Satan, the devil, the demons, the enemy. I will only believe everything that the trinity, Jesus Christ, God, the Holy Spirit and the angels say who I am. Once again, I’m sorry to all in heaven and all those who love the trinity here on earth. I know that I will rise again.

But please pray for me, this is going to be a really hard day.


Someone asked me what the caution is for. For those who don’t know, me and my best friend thought that the word, “caution”, would be more appropriate than saying the words, “d*ck, and, “peinuis”. Again, I did not have a sexualized dream last night. Again, every thought and temptation that tried to come my way, I got rid of them. I did have thoughts that I was a failure and was depressed because of the previous 10 straight urge to P victory and failing overnight in the very early morning hours and then failing again later in the morning. I did have triggers, but never acted on them. Today, I tried to avoid basically all or most sexual things. But at times, it seems like I’m always bombarded by sexual things. No P-subs today. Only saw a Victoria secret ad, but I wouldn’t let it trigger me. But I’m still having a hard time at not lusting. It’s so hard to control and I just go straight to lusting without thinking twice. It’s annoying. I tried not to lust, but I was unsuccessful at times. I need help from others on how to control lust. Unfortunately, I lust after any girl or woman I see potentially and also men as well. Oing is still an issue. Many times when it starts, it doesn’t stop for a while. I had multiple Os without Ming. I did have Os at times throughout the day. Here’s something to add again. Thoughts are uncontrollable at times. But it was so hard today, especially for the lusting thoughts. Usually Many times I just give in without thinking once or twice. There are times when I would find truth in the Bible and something that speaks to me. But it works for a short time, then the enemy always finds a way to remove that truth and drag me back into the same sin. But now I’m praying and still praying that the trinity and the angels would guard me from losing truth and things that spoke to me in the Bible. it’s definitely helping and working. Back to what I learned several nights ago, it’s been a while now. My resistance is still weak because I’ve given in for so long. But it’s definitely getting better. It’s actually getting way stronger. i want to and will continue to pray that God will help me make my resistance to PMO and every sexual sin better. I know someone told me that the Holy Spirit doesn’t need backing up. I personally think it does because i now know how I work. Sometimes I easily give in to temptation and not listen or obey the spirit, that’s why I’m continuing to request backup to the Holy Spirit. So I will continue to request for backup to the Holy Spirit and ask God to command his angels to guard me and help me, along with Gabriel and Michael. I know I’ve posted about wanting love, but I’m gonna continue to trust, have faith and believe in the trinity to send me the girl or woman he wants me to be with. It takes one day at a time. I know in some posts I’ve complained way too much. I apologize for that. Everyone has been encouraging me, telling me truth, giving me amazing and great advice and also praying for me. I’m so thankful for that and I really appreciate it. This battle is hard and difficult at times. But as people have said, I will overcome this. It takes time though and I understand 100%. I thank you all so much and I love and really appreciate everyone. You all keep it up and don’t stop and give up. Keep fighting. Keep fighting the good fight. God Bless you all. Today was good. This morning I didn’t watch cartoons this morning again. Instead, I ended up PMOing twice. Once in the very early morning hours and again later in the morning. Then after I went on nofap. When I got up, I did the song I usually do in the morning. Then I read my Bible and prayed. When I read my Bible several days ago, The Holy Spirit taught me about unconditional love When it comes to Marriage and sex.


This is what I told my best friend:


“Well, basically about love. Unconditional love. He brought me back to, (my ex crush), and what you said was absolutely right. I was obsessed with her and wasn't loving her unconditionally. I hate to say it but I feel that's true. He also taught me about the love in marriage. If you've read the verses in epheines. There's a part that says that a wife must respect her husband and I said that because of all the crap I've been through in my life and all the sexual sin I've had, there's absolutely no way that I deserve to be respected by any woman, let alone the trinity themselves. Also if you've read 1 Corinthians 7. There is a part there that says a woman should give her husband all that he should have has his wife. I also said that I absolutely do not deserve to get anything from the wife I marry. I especially don’t deserve her body. The fact that a woman would unconditionally give herself including her body to someone like me is so freakin amazing. Also the classic verse from Geneses about a husband and wife coming together, the Holy Spirit helped me to see how beautiful that verse is. It's amazing that the God who has kept me from suicide and basically turned me into a totally different person and even created me, would create something so beautiful as love and marriage is. I started getting emotional because of all this. I want to love someone unconditionally. I told God, "If you bring my ex crush back into my life, great. If you bring someone else into my life, that's also great. But I want to love them unconditionally. But I'm not gonna talk or think about my ex crush. I don’t deserve any of this unconditional love from the trinity or a wife. What I do deserve is to be homeless, in a box, on the street, in rugged clothes and dirty as all get out, begging for money. That’s what I deserve. I don’t deserve a this unconditional love from the trinity. I don’t deserve a girl or woman. I don’t deserve a wife. I definitely don’t deserve her body at all. I deserve absolutely none of this at all”, (Forgot to add the last part).


Then I hung out in my room for a while. Then I went to shower. Then we went to play tennis. We also drove my nephew around. Then we came home and I watched a movie for a few minutes. Then I talked with the family and also played with my nephew for a while. Then I went downstairs and worked out. No tv. But I called my best friend. We talked basically the whole time. We talked about sex, marriage, the trinity, PMO, our ex crushes, ECT. I did not go to the rock to kneel and pray today as there is now smoke in the area from the wildfires. But to let you know, I’m doing this as an example for others to do. It’s the same as when Christ was in the garden before his arrest and all. After my workout, I came upstairs and talked to my sister about some things. Then I went upstairs and got ready for bed. When I got in bed, I started writing this message late night to very early morning. I finished this message the next morning.


That’s what happened on that day.

 

Back to 0 days: a scammer who I formerly got involved with during my previous addiction to chatting with women on social media and asking for pictures and sex, ECT, texted me after almost a year or several months of me blocking them and never going back. Then I went on the former app that scammers used to lure me into getting money from me. I saw my own nudes I had sent to people and many other sexual pictures and a few videos of women whose pictures and videos were obviously stolen. Then I looked it up and did it. I PMO’d. I’m so angry once again. I’m pissed at that scammer. I was actually doing great until this happened. No thoughts and ideas. Then this happened. I Let everyone in heaven and on earth down. I’m sorry.

 

A little over half a day, Sep 17th complete: today started terrible, but got much better. I PMO’d later in the morning.


Here’s the report from this morning:


Back to 0 days: a scammer who I formerly got involved with during my previous addiction to chatting with women on social media and asking for pictures and sex, ECT, texted me after almost a year or several months of me blocking them and never going back. Then I went on the former app that scammers used to lure me into getting money from me. I saw my own nudes I had sent to people and many other sexual pictures of women whose pictures were obviously stolen. Then I looked it up and did it. I PMO’d. I’m so angry once again. I’m pissed at that scammer. I was actually doing great until this happened. No thoughts and ideas. Then this happened. Let everyone in heaven and on earth down. I’m sorry.


Someone asked me what the caution is for. For those who don’t know, me and my best friend thought that the word, “caution”, would be more appropriate than saying the words, “d*ck, and, “peinuis”. Again, I did not have a sexualized dream last night. Again, every thought and temptation that tried to come my way, I got rid of them. I did have triggers, but never acted on them. Today, I tried to avoid basically all or most sexual things. But at times, it seems like I’m always bombarded by sexual things. I saw some testimonies about people’s PMO addiction. I also looked at videos about sex and marriage in a Christian perspective. I know I definitely use those as P-subs and did them at times throughout the day. But I’m still having a hard time at not lusting. It’s so hard to control and I just go straight to lusting without thinking twice. It’s annoying. I tried not to lust, but I was unsuccessful at times. I need help from others on how to control lust. Unfortunately, I lust after any girl or woman I see potentially and also men as well. When I say lust is an issue, I mean lust is an actual problem. It’s so very easy to lust at any humans and imagine and think about what they can do sexually and what they can for me. I fantasize about my future wife and really every girl or woman I see. Oing is also still an issue. Many times when it starts, it doesn’t stop for a while. I had multiple Os without Ming. I did have Os at times throughout the day. Here’s something to add again. Thoughts are uncontrollable at times. But it was so hard today, especially for the lusting thoughts. Usually Many times I just give in without thinking once or twice. There are times when I would find truth in the Bible and something that speaks to me. But it works for a short time, then the enemy always finds a way to remove that truth and drag me back into the same sin. But now I’m praying and still praying that the trinity and the angels would guard me from losing truth and things that spoke to me in the Bible. it’s definitely helping and working. Back to what I learned several nights ago, it’s been a while now. My resistance is still weak because I’ve given in for so long. But it’s definitely getting better. It’s actually getting way stronger. i want to and will continue to pray that God will help me make my resistance to PMO and every sexual sin better. I know someone told me that the Holy Spirit doesn’t need backing up. I personally think it does because i now know how I work. Sometimes I easily give in to temptation and not listen or obey the spirit, that’s why I’m continuing to request backup to the Holy Spirit. So I will continue to request for backup to the Holy Spirit and ask God to command his angels to guard me and help me, along with Gabriel and Michael. I know I’ve posted about wanting love, but I’m gonna continue to trust, have faith and believe in the trinity to send me the girl or woman he wants me to be with. It takes one day at a time. I know in some posts I’ve complained way too much. I apologize for that. Everyone has been encouraging me, telling me truth, giving me amazing and great advice and also praying for me. I’m so thankful for that and I really appreciate it. This battle is hard and difficult at times. But as people have said, I will overcome this. It takes time though and I understand 100%. I thank you all so much and I love and really appreciate everyone. You all keep it up and don’t stop and give up. Keep fighting. Keep fighting the good fight. God Bless you all. Today started bad, but it ended good, in my opinion. This morning I didn’t watch cartoons this morning again. Instead, I ended up PMOing because of a scanner who texted me and I went to the app that scammers used to lure me in to get money from me, they never once wanted real love. This happened in the morning. Then after I went on nofap. When I got up, I did the song I usually do in the morning. Then I read my Bible and prayed. When I read my Bible several days ago, The Holy Spirit taught me about unconditional love When it comes to Marriage and sex.


This is what I told my best friend:


“Well, basically about love. Unconditional love. He brought me back to, (my ex crush), and what you said was absolutely right. I was obsessed with her and wasn't loving her unconditionally. I hate to say it but I feel that's true. He also taught me about the love in marriage. If you've read the verses in epheines. There's a part that says that a wife must respect her husband and I said that because of all the crap I've been through in my life and all the sexual sin I've had, there's absolutely no way that I deserve to be respected by any woman, let alone the trinity themselves. Also if you've read 1 Corinthians 7. There is a part there that says a woman should give her husband all that he should have has his wife. I also said that I absolutely do not deserve to get anything from the wife I marry. I especially don’t deserve her body. The fact that a woman would unconditionally give herself including her body to someone like me is so freakin amazing. Also the classic verse from Geneses about a husband and wife coming together, the Holy Spirit helped me to see how beautiful that verse is. It's amazing that the God who has kept me from suicide and basically turned me into a totally different person and even created me, would create something so beautiful as love and marriage is. I started getting emotional because of all this. I want to love someone unconditionally. I told God, "If you bring my ex crush back into my life, great. If you bring someone else into my life, that's also great. But I want to love them unconditionally. But I'm not gonna talk or think about my ex crush. I don’t deserve any of this unconditional love from the trinity or a wife. What I do deserve is to be homeless, in a box, on the street, in rugged clothes and dirty as all get out, begging for money. That’s what I deserve. I don’t deserve a this unconditional love from the trinity. I don’t deserve a girl or woman. I don’t deserve a wife. I definitely don’t deserve her body at all. I deserve absolutely none of this at all”, (Forgot to add the last part).


Then I hung out in my room for a while. Then I actually went downstairs and played with Brecken. No driving around in the ATV as it was smoky again. I started watching all the pregame stuff for tonight’s Thursday Night Football. I pretty much played with Brecken all day. I took him into the garage and played with him for a while as well. I also put him to sleep. Then I went to shower. There was a time when I was so freakin lazy and I had nothing to do. I was absolutely bored out of my mind. I called my best friend because I didn’t want to PMO again. Anyway, Then I came downstairs and played with my nephew for the rest of the night. I also worked out. As I worked out, I watched Thursday Night Football. Again I did not go to the rock to kneel and pray today as there is again smoke in the area from the wildfires. But to let you know, I’m doing this as an example for others to do. It’s the same as when Christ was in the garden before his arrest and all. After my workout, I went upstairs and got ready for bed. When I got in bed, I started writing this message late night to very early morning. I finished this message the next morning.


That’s what happened on that day.

 

1 day complete: today was great, but it got hard tonight, but I’m pulling through.


Here’s the report about and tonight:


7 P confessions and 1 MO or OM confession: tonight was ridiculous, actually all day was ridiculous. I was watching P-subs at times throughout the day. Actually it was mostly playing a P-sub game. But tonight is when it was hard. As I was playing this game, I started looking for P-subs in YouTube. Then thoughts and ideas started flooding my mind. I’m not kidding, I had temptations 7 times to P. I typed in words and pressed enter a few times and times i didn’t. I Won the first one. The second one I asked God for a way out and God provided by my mom coming down to where I was. Third time, I didn’t even type in words and press enter, I just couldn’t do it. The forth time, I did type in words and press enter. The fifth and sixth time, almost typed in words and pressed enter. The seventh time, i typed in words and pressed enter. But couldn’t go on sites and didn’t want to. But the spirit was stopping me all 7 times. That was just crazy. I said that if I didn’t P, that I would probably OM or MO. I had 1 urge or temptation to OM or MO. But I was able to resist it. I started to M, but I was trying to resist. Sill need prayer though. Both P and MO or OM.


If the status of these reports change, I edit the message or post a new thing.


Someone asked me what the caution is for. For those who don’t know, me and my best friend thought that the word, “caution”, would be more appropriate than saying the words, “d*ck, and, “peinuis”. Again, I did not have a sexualized dream last night. Again, every thought and temptation that tried to come my way, I got rid of them and tried. I did have triggers, but never acted on them. Today, I tried to avoid basically all or most sexual things. But at times, it seems like I’m always bombarded by sexual things. I looked at P-subs and did them at times throughout the day. I should have said this before, P-subs are a massive problem. I can’t control myself at times with P-subs. But I’m still having a hard time at not lusting. It’s so hard to control and I just go straight to lusting without thinking twice. It’s annoying. I tried not to lust, but I was unsuccessful at times. I need help from others on how to control lust. Unfortunately, I lust after any girl or woman I see potentially and also men as well. When I say lust is an issue, I mean lust is a massive problem. It’s so very easy to lust at any humans and imagine and think about what they can do sexually and what they can for me. I fantasize about my future wife and really every girl or woman I see. Oing is also still an issue. Many times when it starts, it doesn’t stop for a while. I had multiple Os without Ming. I did have Os at times throughout the day. Here’s something to add again. Thoughts are uncontrollable at times. But it was so hard today, especially for the lusting thoughts. Usually Many times I just give in without thinking once or twice. There are times when I would find truth in the Bible and something that speaks to me. But it works for a short time, then the enemy always finds a way to remove that truth and drag me back into the same sin. But now I’m praying and still praying that the trinity and the angels would guard me from losing truth and things that spoke to me in the Bible. it’s definitely helping and working. Back to what I learned several nights ago, it’s been a while now. My resistance is still weak because I’ve given in for so long. But it’s definitely getting better. It’s actually getting way stronger. i want to and will continue to pray that God will help me make my resistance to PMO and every sexual sin better. I know someone told me that the Holy Spirit doesn’t need backing up. I personally think it does because i now know how I work. Sometimes I easily give in to temptation and not listen or obey the spirit, that’s why I’m continuing to request backup to the Holy Spirit. So I will continue to request for backup to the Holy Spirit and ask God to command his angels to guard me and help me, along with Gabriel and Michael. I know I’ve posted about wanting love, but I’m gonna continue to trust, have faith and believe in the trinity to send me the girl or woman he wants me to be with. It takes one day at a time. I know in some posts I’ve complained way too much. I apologize for that. Everyone has been encouraging me, telling me truth, giving me amazing and great advice and also praying for me. I’m so thankful for that and I really appreciate it. This battle is hard and difficult at times. But as people have said, I will overcome this. It takes time though and I understand 100%. I thank you all so much and I love and really appreciate everyone. You all keep it up and don’t stop and give up. Keep fighting. Keep fighting the good fight. God Bless you all. Today started great, but it got way harder tonight. I told the story at the top. This morning I didn’t watch cartoons this morning again. Then I went on nofap. When I got up, I actually did not do the song I usually do in the morning. I also didn’t read my Bible and pray. When I read my Bible several weeks ago now, The Holy Spirit taught me about unconditional love When it comes to Marriage and sex.


This is what I told my best friend:


“Well, basically about love. Unconditional love. He brought me back to, (my ex crush), and what you said was absolutely right. I was obsessed with her and wasn't loving her unconditionally. I hate to say it but I feel that's true. He also taught me about the love in marriage. If you've read the verses in epheines. There's a part that says that a wife must respect her husband and I said that because of all the crap I've been through in my life and all the sexual sin I've had, there's absolutely no way that I deserve to be respected by any woman, let alone the trinity themselves. Also if you've read 1 Corinthians 7. There is a part there that says a woman should give her husband all that he should have has his wife. I also said that I absolutely do not deserve to get anything from the wife I marry. I especially don’t deserve her body. The fact that a woman would unconditionally give herself including her body to someone like me is so freakin amazing. Also the classic verse from Geneses about a husband and wife coming together, the Holy Spirit helped me to see how beautiful that verse is. It's amazing that the God who has kept me from suicide and basically turned me into a totally different person and even created me, would create something so beautiful as love and marriage is. I started getting emotional because of all this. I want to love someone unconditionally. I told God, "If you bring my ex crush back into my life, great. If you bring someone else into my life, that's also great. But I want to love them unconditionally. But I'm not gonna talk or think about my ex crush. I don’t deserve any of this unconditional love from the trinity or a wife. What I do deserve is to be homeless, in a box, on the street, in rugged clothes and dirty as all get out, begging for money. That’s what I deserve. I don’t deserve a this unconditional love from the trinity. I don’t deserve a girl or woman. I don’t deserve a wife. I definitely don’t deserve her body at all. I deserve absolutely none of this at all”, (Forgot to add the last part).


Then I actually went downstairs and played with Brecken. No driving around in the ATV as it was smoky again. No football today. I pretty much played with Brecken all day. I also kind of put him to sleep. My best friend was sad and depressed because he PMO’d 4 times the previous day. He said he was a failure and too weak. I texted him a bunch of really cool and encouraging stuff and truth to him. Then I continued to play with my nephew, eventually my sister came home and I went to shower. Then I came down and stayed in the living room and kitchen for a little while. Then I went downstairs to workout. As I worked out I played a game that I used to be a P-sub. Found them YouTube as well. I also had the P thoughts and ideas and was tempted make fap. It was hard, but I won that. Again I did not go to the rock to kneel and pray today as there is again smoke in the area from the wildfires. But to let you know, I’m doing this as an example for others to do. It’s the same as when Christ was in the garden before his arrest and all. After my workout, I went upstairs and talked to the family for a while. Then I came upstairs and got ready for bed. Before I got in bed, I started writing this message late night to very early morning. I finished this message very early he next morning.


That’s what happened on that day.

 

Back to 0 days after 7 P confessions and 1 or MO or OM confessions: after basically defeating 7 temptations and urges to P and defeating 1 or more urges and temptations to MO or OM, I PMO’d again. This all started with the P-subs and a game with potential things that could have been made sexual. I need to figure out how to defeat these annoying P-subs and the urges and temptations to PMO. Every time I watch it I wonder, “why am I watching this ? Why are these women doing this”. Seriously these people need husbands and wives. Not same gender sex. I mean come on !! I literally was saying, “my wife is going to be way hotter and Sexier than all those women and girls combined”.