Okay, I will. Honestly, no I’m not fully doing that. Yes and yes I am. Yes to all that and yes, I definitely have. I’m sorry. okay and okay. Yes very true and yes it will. Yes and yes it will. I understand. Yes, yep and yep, yes it will and yes, that’s true. okay, I will. I do want to be free. I know and I’m sorry. Yes that’s so true. you’re absolutely right, its gotta stop.
I just deleted YouTube for a while because it was giving me access to honestly, unwanted P-subs. I should also delete any games that I don’t really play. Rather they’re sexual or not. Rather the ads are sexual or not. Saw a scene in a movie that could have been sexual, but I actually looked away.
Yes, resisting our desire to sin can be annoying. But imagine how annoying our desire to sin must be to God! He has given us life itself, and we continue to wallow around in death. Perhaps life is worth putting up with a little bit of annoyance, eh? We can do better!
Yes it can and it is. Plus I don’t want to have a desire to sin anymore. Oh man, he’s like, “this is ridiculous”. Yes he has. Yes we do and I don’t want to do that. Yes it is. Yes we can.
half a day, sept 19 complete: it was bad this morning, but it got better. I set back after winning 7 P urges and temptations and also about 2 or 3 MO or OM urges or temptations. Here’s the report from very early this morning. Back to 0 days after 7 P confessions and 1 or MO or OM confessions: after basically defeating 7 temptations and urges to P and defeating 1 or more urges and temptations to MO or OM, I PMO’d again. This all started with the P-subs and a game with potential things that could have been made sexual. I need to figure out how to defeat these annoying P-subs and the urges and temptations to PMO. Every time I watch it I wonder, “why am I watching this ? Why are these women doing this”. Seriously these people need husbands and wives. Not same gender sex. I mean come on !! Someone asked me what the caution is for. For those who don’t know, me and my best friend thought that the word, “caution”, would be more appropriate than saying the words, “d*ck, and, “peinuis”. Again, I did not have a sexualized dream last night. Again, every thought and temptation that tried to come my way, I got rid of them and tried. I did have triggers, but never acted on them. Today, I tried to avoid basically all or most sexual things. But at times, it seems like I’m always bombarded by sexual things. I deleted YouTube because it was giving me access to unwanted P-subs. after doing this, i haven’t looked at P-subs. I haven’t purposefully or intentionally looked at P-subs. Someone basically told me off. Actually thank you for doing that and waking me up, I feel like I need that for sure. I did watch one movie that had scenes that could have been made sexual if I made it sexual. But the first scene i turned away and the second scene i skipped. I also watched other movies today. The only thing on my phone was seeing what diseases could be sexually transmitted. That’s it. But I’m still having a hard time at not lusting. Today I watched some movies and yes, it was difficult to not lust. It’s so hard to control and I just go straight to lusting without thinking twice. It’s annoying. I tried not to lust, but I was unsuccessful at times. I need help from others on how to control lust. Unfortunately, I lust after any girl or woman I see potentially and also men as well. When I say lust is an issue, I mean lust is a massive problem. It’s so very easy to lust at any humans and imagine and think about what they can do sexually and what they can for me. I fantasize about my future wife and really every girl or woman I see. Oing is also still an issue. Many times when it starts, it doesn’t stop for a while. I had multiple Os without Ming. I did have Os at times throughout the day. Here’s something to add again. Thoughts are uncontrollable at times. But it was so hard today, especially for the lusting thoughts. Usually Many times I just give in without thinking once or twice. There are times when I would find truth in the Bible and something that speaks to me. But it works for a short time, then the enemy always finds a way to remove that truth and drag me back into the same sin. But now I’m praying and still praying that the trinity and the angels would guard me from losing truth and things that spoke to me in the Bible. it’s definitely helping and working. Back to what I learned several nights ago, it’s been a while now. My resistance is still weak because I’ve given in for so long. But it’s definitely getting better. It’s actually getting way stronger. i want to and will continue to pray that God will help me make my resistance to PMO and every sexual sin better. I know someone told me that the Holy Spirit doesn’t need backing up. I personally think it does because i now know how I work. Sometimes I easily give in to temptation and not listen or obey the spirit, that’s why I’m continuing to request backup to the Holy Spirit. So I will continue to request for backup to the Holy Spirit and ask God to command his angels to guard me and help me, along with Gabriel and Michael. I know I’ve posted about wanting love, but I’m gonna continue to trust, have faith and believe in the trinity to send me the girl or woman he wants me to be with. It takes one day at a time. I know in some posts I’ve complained way too much. I apologize for that. Everyone has been encouraging me, telling me truth, giving me amazing and great advice and also praying for me. I’m so thankful for that and I really appreciate it. This battle is hard and difficult at times. But as people have said, I will overcome this. It takes time though and I understand 100%. I thank you all so much and I love and really appreciate everyone. You all keep it up and don’t stop and give up. Keep fighting. Keep fighting the good fight. God Bless you all. Today started great, but it got way harder tonight. I told the story at the top. This morning I didn’t watch cartoons this morning again. Then I went on nofap. When I got up, I did the song I usually do in the morning for the last time for a while. Then I read my Bible and prayed When I read my Bible several weeks ago now, The Holy Spirit taught me about unconditional love When it comes to Marriage and sex. This is what I told my best friend: “Well, basically about love. Unconditional love. He brought me back to, (my ex crush), and what you said was absolutely right. I was obsessed with her and wasn't loving her unconditionally. I hate to say it but I feel that's true. He also taught me about the love in marriage. If you've read the verses in epheines. There's a part that says that a wife must respect her husband and I said that because of all the crap I've been through in my life and all the sexual sin I've had, there's absolutely no way that I deserve to be respected by any woman, let alone the trinity themselves. Also if you've read 1 Corinthians 7. There is a part there that says a woman should give her husband all that he should have has his wife. I also said that I absolutely do not deserve to get anything from the wife I marry. I especially don’t deserve her body. The fact that a woman would unconditionally give herself including her body to someone like me is so freakin amazing. Also the classic verse from Geneses about a husband and wife coming together, the Holy Spirit helped me to see how beautiful that verse is. It's amazing that the God who has kept me from suicide and basically turned me into a totally different person and even created me, would create something so beautiful as love and marriage is. I started getting emotional because of all this. I want to love someone unconditionally. I told God, "If you bring my ex crush back into my life, great. If you bring someone else into my life, that's also great. But I want to love them unconditionally. But I'm not gonna talk or think about my ex crush. I don’t deserve any of this unconditional love from the trinity or a wife. What I do deserve is to be homeless, in a box, on the street, in rugged clothes and dirty as all get out, begging for money. That’s what I deserve. I don’t deserve a this unconditional love from the trinity. I don’t deserve a girl or woman. I don’t deserve a wife. I definitely don’t deserve her body at all. I deserve absolutely none of this at all”, (Forgot to add the last part). Then I went to shower. No driving around in the ATV as it was smoky again. I was gonna go somewhere with the family, but something happened with me and couldn’t go. I watched a little bit of collage football. I also watched Superman a lot of the day. I went between the living room and kitchen at times throughout the day. But stayed mostly in the living room. At a point during the day, we went out and got my medicine and went to other places, then we came home. Later everyone came home and we played with Brecken. Then I worked out and watched movies with everyone. Again I did not go to the rock to kneel and pray today as there is again smoke in the area from the wildfires. But to let you know, I’m doing this as an example for others to do. It’s the same as when Christ was in the garden before his arrest and all. After my workout, I went upstairs and got ready for bed. I started writing this message the next day. I also finished this message the next day. That’s what happened on that day.
Back to 0 days, sep 20th: today was a really bad day for P-subs. I looked at and read P-subs at times throughout the day. I saw images as well. No P images. My family and I were really depressed, sad and unhappy because of personal things that happened all last week. I was really feeling it. So I guess I tried to find ways to make me, “happy”. It made me happy for a little bit, but then I was depressed, sad and unhappy again. I read and looked at P-subs on the Bible app, on wiki how and the other day on YouTube. I never sought out P-subs on the internet, (safari), once or at all. But miraculously, I never sought out P. I never even typed in words and pressed enter once at all. I also never MO or OM. I’m sure I did O at times, but never M’d. But I put the setback for those P-subs. This is what I did, I still was reading P-subs on the Bible app. So I deleted both the Bible app and the wiki how app. I also deleted YouTube. I made rules though, I’m only allowed to use these apps for useful things. Otherwise, I’m not allowed to download the apps. I’m sorry Tao Jones for letting you down. I took action and I’m keeping it that way.
Back to 0 days, sep 20th: today was a really bad day for P-subs. I looked and read P-subs at times throughout the day. I saw images as well. No P images & no P videos Here’s the end of the day report: Back to 0 days, sep 20th: today was a really bad day for P-subs. I looked at and read P-subs at times throughout the day. I saw images as well. No P images. My family and I were really depressed, sad and unhappy because of personal things that happened all last week. I was really feeling it. So I guess I tried to find ways to make me, “happy”. It made me happy for a little bit, but then I was depressed, sad and unhappy again. I read and looked at P-subs on the Bible app, on wiki how and the other day on YouTube. I never sought out P-subs on the internet, (safari), once or at all. But miraculously, I never sought out P. I never even typed in words and pressed enter once at all. I also never MO or OM. I’m sure I did O at times, but never M’d. But I put the setback for those P-subs. This is what I did, I still was reading P-subs on the Bible app. So I deleted both the Bible app and the wiki how app. I also deleted YouTube. I made rules though, I’m only allowed to use these apps for useful things. Otherwise, I’m not allowed to download the apps. I’m sorry Tao Jones for letting you down. I took action and I’m keeping it that way. Someone asked me what the caution is for. For those who don’t know, me and my best friend thought that the word, “caution”, would be more appropriate than saying the words, “d*ck, and, “peinuis”. Again, I did not have a sexualized dream last night. Again, every thought and temptation that tried to come my way, I got rid of them and tried. Except for the annoying P-subs. I did have triggers, but never acted on them once at all. I had a hard time avoiding sexual things, including P-subs. But at times, it seems like I’m always bombarded by sexual things. I deleted YouTube because it was giving me access to unwanted P-subs. after doing this, i haven’t looked at P-subs. I haven’t purposefully or intentionally looked at P-subs. I also deleted the Bible app and the wiki how because of the same thing. Someone basically told me off. Actually thank you for doing that and waking me up, I feel like I need that for sure. No movies really today except for football all day. Read and looked at P-subs at times all throughout the day. But I’m still having a hard time at not lusting. I watched football all day and yes, it was hard not to lust at times. It’s so hard to control and I just go straight to lusting without thinking twice. It’s annoying. I tried not to lust, but I was unsuccessful at times. I need help from others on how to control lust. Unfortunately, I lust after any girl or woman I see potentially and also men as well. When I say lust is an issue, I mean lust is a massive problem. It’s so very easy to lust at any humans and imagine and think about what they can do sexually and what they can for me. I fantasize about my future wife and really every girl or woman I see. Oing is also still an issue. Many times when it starts, it doesn’t stop for a while. I had multiple Os without Ming. I did have Os at times throughout the day. Here’s something to add again. Thoughts are uncontrollable at times. But it was so hard today, especially for the lusting thoughts. Usually Many times I just give in without thinking once or twice. There are times when I would find truth in the Bible and something that speaks to me. But it works for a short time, then the enemy always finds a way to remove that truth and drag me back into the same sin. But now I’m praying and still praying that the trinity and the angels would guard me from losing truth and things that spoke to me in the Bible. it’s definitely helping and working. Back to what I learned several nights ago, it’s been a while now. My resistance is still weak because I’ve given in for so long. But it’s definitely getting better. It’s actually getting way stronger. i want to and will continue to pray that God will help me make my resistance to PMO and every sexual sin better. I know someone told me that the Holy Spirit doesn’t need backing up. I personally think it does because i now know how I work. Sometimes I easily give in to temptation and not listen or obey the spirit, that’s why I’m continuing to request backup to the Holy Spirit. So I will continue to request for backup to the Holy Spirit and ask God to command his angels to guard me and help me, along with Gabriel and Michael. I know I’ve posted about wanting love, but I’m gonna continue to trust, have faith and believe in the trinity to send me the girl or woman he wants me to be with. It takes one day at a time. I know in some posts I’ve complained way too much. I apologize for that. Everyone has been encouraging me, telling me truth, giving me amazing and great advice and also praying for me. I’m so thankful for that and I really appreciate it. This battle is hard and difficult at times. But as people have said, I will overcome this. It takes time though and I understand 100%. I thank you all so much and I love and really appreciate everyone. You all keep it up and don’t stop and give up. Keep fighting. Keep fighting the good fight. God Bless you all. Today started great, but it got way harder tonight. I told the story at the top. This morning I didn’t watch cartoons this morning again. Then I went on nofap. When I got up, I did not do the song I usually do in the morning. Then I read my Bible and prayed When I read my Bible several weeks ago now, The Holy Spirit taught me about unconditional love When it comes to Marriage and sex. This is what I told my best friend: “Well, basically about love. Unconditional love. He brought me back to, (my ex crush), and what you said was absolutely right. I was obsessed with her and wasn't loving her unconditionally. I hate to say it but I feel that's true. He also taught me about the love in marriage. If you've read the verses in epheines. There's a part that says that a wife must respect her husband and I said that because of all the crap I've been through in my life and all the sexual sin I've had, there's absolutely no way that I deserve to be respected by any woman, let alone the trinity themselves. Also if you've read 1 Corinthians 7. There is a part there that says a woman should give her husband all that he should have has his wife. I also said that I absolutely do not deserve to get anything from the wife I marry. I especially don’t deserve her body. The fact that a woman would unconditionally give herself including her body to someone like me is so freakin amazing. Also the classic verse from Geneses about a husband and wife coming together, the Holy Spirit helped me to see how beautiful that verse is. It's amazing that the God who has kept me from suicide and basically turned me into a totally different person and even created me, would create something so beautiful as love and marriage is. I started getting emotional because of all this. I want to love someone unconditionally. I told God, "If you bring my ex crush back into my life, great. If you bring someone else into my life, that's also great. But I want to love them unconditionally. But I'm not gonna talk or think about my ex crush. I don’t deserve any of this unconditional love from the trinity or a wife. What I do deserve is to be homeless, in a box, on the street, in rugged clothes and dirty as all get out, begging for money. That’s what I deserve. I don’t deserve a this unconditional love from the trinity. I don’t deserve a girl or woman. I don’t deserve a wife. I definitely don’t deserve her body at all. I deserve absolutely none of this at all”, (Forgot to add the last part). Then I went downstairs to the living room and basically watched NFL football all day long. My mom asked if I wanted to go for a drive in the ATV and I said no because of the smoke. So I didn’t. I continued watching NFL football. I mostly stayed in the living room today. I text and called my best friend briefly because of depression, sadness and unhappiness. But he had to go because he was working. At a point during the day, we went out and did things, then we came home. I continues to watch NFL football. Maybe at 5 or so, i started warming up for NFL Sunday Night Football. I did not workout because it got late. Again I did not go to the rock to kneel and pray today as there is again smoke in the area from the wildfires. But to let you know, I’m doing this as an example for others to do. It’s the same as when Christ was in the garden before his arrest and all. Then I watched NFL Sunday Night Football. As I was watching, I called my best friend and talked for a while. After NFL Sunday Night Football was over, i went to the kitchen and talked to the family for a little bit, I went upstairs and got ready for bed. I took a shower because i didn’t shower all day. After the shower, I started writing this message late at night. I continued a little bit when I got in bed. But i stopped and I finished this message the next morning. That’s what happened on that day.
Hi Grant. Keep persevering. If you are finding yourself facing urges constantly through the day, then there is something that must be changed about your approach. You have feelings of unworthiness. We are only made worthy because of God's amazing grace, because of Jesus' ultimate sacrifice. When you have repented in past, did you stay still until you knew in your heart that you accepted God's salvation. God's salvation is there if you are overcome with godly sorrow and understand the impact that your sin has against God's kingdom. When you come to this point and you know it in your heart, accept God's salvation graciously, joyfully, awe-stricken... He so wants us to understand that He wants us to Live, regardless of our past repeated failures. Our sacrifice was paid in full. We are made worthy of Life by grace and God's everlasting Love. So find time instead of watching cartoons or any TV, go into your room, lock your door, and confess your sins in full, asking for His forgiveness, and repenting. Don't come out until you have accepted His salvation, because He wants you to be delivered for good! This last 3 weeks I have been covered by God's amazing grace. Before, I was not getting it. I really just had to accept His salvation and live in faith that I am delivered. I also prayed 6 times a day for the first few days of my deliverance. My prayer, I have not been nurturing recently, but it's important we both do. I need to get back to it. I do face urges but I remember that I am delivered. I do not cave into sin. I take my sinful thoughts captive, I know them with help from the Holy Spirit, I give them to God asking forgiveness and entrust them to Him. When I face temptation or remember a P-name, I pray that if there are any with a heart like prostitute Rahab or the prostitute who cleansed Jesus' feet with her most expensive perfume, that they would receive His grace, that they would be rescued. Praying like this helps me, and more improtantly it helps those who are crushed in spirit and are currently trapped in the industry, that they could know Jesus and He will guide them into a fulfilling life. God bless you Grant. You will overcome only by His grace, not through our own willpower.
Hi. Yes I am and I will. Yes and yes that’s true. Yes, there have been times I felt like that. Yes that’s so true and yes so that’s true. I have. Being still is hard and definitely have been times where I was still for a little bit, but then something would happen. But I do accept God’s salvation. Yes and yes, that’s so true. That’s exactly what happened in March. I have and I want to know it. Yes I want to accept it with everything. Yes and yes he does and yes that’s true. Yes it was. Yes and yes, we are for sure. yep and yep. Yes, yes and yes. Yes and yes. Okay and yes he does. Wow and that’s so amazing. Oh dear. Yes and yes, that’s so true. Wow, that’s a lot of times and wow. Yep and oh dear and yes that’s so true. Yes, for sure. We all do and wow that’s awesome. Good, smart. Okay, okay, okay, okay and okay. yep and wow and that’s all awesome and awesome and awesome. That’s so good and I want those same people to know Christ as well. thank you, you as well. I know I will. Yes, that is true.
1 day, sep 21st complete: today was a lot better for P-subs. I didn’t touch my phone for about half the day. If I did, I stayed away from P-subs. No images, no readings and lookings on sex and marriage. Here’s the end of the day report: 1 day, sep 21st: today was a lot better for P-subs. I didn’t touch my phone for about half the day. If I did, I stayed away from P-subs. The only thing was I was just seeing what was going on with trump and I saw and spotted something about Trump and, (trigger warning), gay men, but I never looked at the article. But I just saw and spotted it. Also the other thing was lust. I was watching tv and it made me lust after, (cheerleaders). No images, no readings and lookings on sex and marriage. I also watched a Disney movie, “Disney/Pixar’s The Incredibles”. The other thing I did was going on nofap and only reading a few things, maybe 2 or 3. Again I miraculously never sought out P. I never even typed in words and pressed enter once at all. I also never MO or OM. I’m sure I did O at times, but never M’d. I still have the Bible app and wiki how deleted. Only briefly downloaded bible app to give my best friend the verse of the day, then I deleted it again. I was gonna use YouTube for warmups for NFL Monday Night Football, but before I could, the game was already starting, so I deleted it again. I made rules though, I’m only allowed to use these apps for useful things. Otherwise, I’m not allowed to download the apps. Also when I read my Bible this morning, the only thing i read was about honoring God with my body. When i was at the hill looking at the view and creation God gave us, i was talking to the trinity about sex and marriage. For some reason it’s easy to do anything related to sex and marriage. I also replied to someone on nofap. I was wondering if what I did today requires a setback, reset, relapse ECT ? Someone asked me what the caution is for. For those who don’t know, me and my best friend thought that the word, “caution”, would be more appropriate than saying the words, “d*ck, and, “peinuis”. Again, I did not have a sexualized dream last night. Again, every thought and temptation that tried to come my way, I got rid of them and tried. I did have triggers, but never acted on them once at all. It was pretty easy avoiding sexual things, including P-subs. But at times, it seems like I’m always bombarded by sexual things. I deleted YouTube because it was giving me access to unwanted P-subs. after doing this, i haven’t looked at P-subs in YouTube. I haven’t purposefully or intentionally looked at P-subs. I also deleted the Bible app and the wiki how because of the same thing. Someone basically told me off. Actually thank you for doing that and waking me up, I feel like I needed that for sure. No football except for tonight which was NFL Monday Night Football. Watched at least 1 movie, that’s it. No P-subs on purpose or intentionally. But I’m still having a hard time at not lusting. I watched a kid’s movie today and football tonight and yes, it was hard not to lust at times. It’s so hard to control and I just go straight to lusting without thinking twice. It’s annoying. I tried not to lust, but I was unsuccessful at times. I need help from others on how to control lust. Unfortunately, I lust after any girl or woman I see potentially and also men as well. When I say lust is an issue, I mean lust is a massive problem. It’s so very easy to lust at any humans and imagine and think about what they can do sexually and what they can for me. I fantasize about my future wife and really every girl or woman I see. Oing is also still an issue. Many times when it starts, it doesn’t stop for a while. I had multiple Os without Ming. I did have Os at times throughout the day. Here’s something to add again. Thoughts are uncontrollable at times. But it was so hard today, especially for the lusting thoughts. Usually Many times I just give in without thinking once or twice. There are times when I would find truth in the Bible and something that speaks to me. But it works for a short time, then the enemy always finds a way to remove that truth and drag me back into the same sin. But now I’m praying and still praying that the trinity and the angels would guard me from losing truth and things that spoke to me in the Bible. it’s definitely helping and working. Back to what I learned several nights ago, it’s been a while now. My resistance is still weak because I’ve given in for so long. But it’s definitely getting better. It’s actually getting way stronger. i want to and will continue to pray that God will help me make my resistance to PMO and every sexual sin better. I know someone told me that the Holy Spirit doesn’t need backing up. I personally think it does because i now know how I work. Sometimes I easily give in to temptation and not listen or obey the spirit, that’s why I’m continuing to request backup to the Holy Spirit. So I will continue to request for backup to the Holy Spirit and ask God to command his angels to guard me and help me, along with Gabriel and Michael. I know I’ve posted about wanting love, but I’m gonna continue to trust, have faith and believe in the trinity to send me the girl or woman he wants me to be with. It takes one day at a time. I know in some posts I’ve complained way too much. I apologize for that. Everyone has been encouraging me, telling me truth, giving me amazing and great advice and also praying for me. I’m so thankful for that and I really appreciate it. This battle is hard and difficult at times. But as people have said, I will overcome this. It takes time though and I understand 100%. I thank you all so much and I love and really appreciate everyone. You all keep it up and don’t stop and give up. Keep fighting. Keep fighting the good fight. God Bless you all. Today was much better than yesterday. This morning I didn’t watch cartoons this morning again. Then I went on nofap. When I got up, I did not do the song I usually do in the morning. Then I read my Bible and prayed. When I read my Bible several weeks ago now, The Holy Spirit taught me about unconditional love When it comes to Marriage and sex. This is what I told my best friend: “Well, basically about love. Unconditional love. He brought me back to, (my ex crush), and what you said was absolutely right. I was obsessed with her and wasn't loving her unconditionally. I hate to say it but I feel that's true. He also taught me about the love in marriage. If you've read the verses in epheines. There's a part that says that a wife must respect her husband and I said that because of all the crap I've been through in my life and all the sexual sin I've had, there's absolutely no way that I deserve to be respected by any woman, let alone the trinity themselves. Also if you've read 1 Corinthians 7. There is a part there that says a woman should give her husband all that he should have has his wife. I also said that I absolutely do not deserve to get anything from the wife I marry. I especially don’t deserve her body. The fact that a woman would unconditionally give herself including her body to someone like me is so freakin amazing. Also the classic verse from Geneses about a husband and wife coming together, the Holy Spirit helped me to see how beautiful that verse is. It's amazing that the God who has kept me from suicide and basically turned me into a totally different person and even created me, would create something so beautiful as love and marriage is. I started getting emotional because of all this. I want to love someone unconditionally. I told God, "If you bring my ex crush back into my life, great. If you bring someone else into my life, that's also great. But I want to love them unconditionally. But I'm not gonna talk or think about my ex crush. I don’t deserve any of this unconditional love from the trinity or a wife. What I do deserve is to be homeless, in a box, on the street, in rugged clothes and dirty as all get out, begging for money. That’s what I deserve. I don’t deserve a this unconditional love from the trinity. I don’t deserve a girl or woman. I don’t deserve a wife. I definitely don’t deserve her body at all. I deserve absolutely none of this at all”, (Forgot to add the last part). Then I went downstairs and actually went outside and drove my ATV around. I drove my nephew around. Then they left and I went to the hill and sat there for a while. I just looked at the creation and also prayed and talked to the trinity about things, including sex and marriage. I replied to someone no nofap while I was up there. Then i came down and i was gonna shower, but we had to leave. We were gonna leave, but some things happened so we waited. Then eventually we left and went to play tennis and did other things. Then we came home and I was gonna warmup and use YouTube for NFL Monday Night Football, but the game was already starting, so i didn’t do it. While watching, I was gonna go shower, but my family forced me to workout before I went to shower, I was not happy and pissed about it, but I worked first. I did 2 workouts while continuing to watch NFL Monday Night Football. NFL MNF is when I saw those cheerleaders. Again I did not go to the rock to kneel and pray today as there is again smoke in the area from the wildfires. But to let you know, I’m doing this as an example for others to do. It’s the same as when Christ was in the garden before his arrest and all. I was supposed to get a call from my best friend, but he never called and I understand. After NFL Monday Night Football was over, i went to the kitchen and talked to my mom briefly, then I went upstairs and got ready for bed. I took a shower because i didn’t shower all day. After the shower, I started writing this message late at night. I continued a little bit when I got in bed. But i stopped and I finished this message the next morning. That’s what happened on that day.
Back to 0 day, sep 22nd complete: today was great for a lot of the day. Then some things happened. I didn’t touch my phone for most of the day. If I did, I stayed away from P-subs. No images, no readings and lookings on sex and marriage. Here’s the end of the day report: Back to 0 days, sep 22nd: today was great for a lot of the day. Then some things happened. I didn’t touch my phone for most of the day. If I did, I stayed away from P-subs. It was all going great, until i saw an email with a girl in a bra for a voting thing. That was unexpected. I also was turned on when my nephew touched my sister, (his mom’s), caution. I was not happy and told my about it. Then Lust started before the email, or maybe after, but either way, I had problems today lusting after my sister and sometimes, my mom. No images, (except for the one on the email). no readings and lookings on sex and marriage. I also watched some Disney movies. Lusting was a huge problem for me today. Again I miraculously never sought out P. I never even typed in words and pressed enter once at all. I also never MO or OM. I’m sure I did O at times, but never M’d. I still have the Bible app and wiki how deleted. I’m continuing to briefly download the bible app to give my best friend the verse of the day, then I delete it again. I deleted the movies anywhere, Netflix and amazon prime video apps. I also deleted a bunch of games that I barely or never played but once or so. I’m thinking about deleting the Disney+ app too. No football today. I made rules though, I’m only allowed to use these apps for useful things. Otherwise, I’m not allowed to download the apps. When i was at the hill looking at the view and creation God gave us, i was again talking to the trinity about sex and marriage. For some reason it’s easy to do anything related to sex and marriage. I also replied to some people on nofap. I was on nofap several times today. Again, I was wondering if what I did today requires a setback, reset, relapse ECT ? Someone asked me what the word, “caution”, is for. For those who don’t know, me and my best friend thought that the word, “caution”, would be more appropriate than saying the words, “d*ck, and, “peinuis”. I had a sexualized dream last night, but never P & M. Again, every thought and temptation that tried to come my way, I got rid of them and tried. I did have triggers, but never acted on them once at all. It was pretty easy avoiding sexual things, including P-subs. But at times, it seems like I’m always bombarded by sexual things. I deleted YouTube because it was giving me access to unwanted P-subs. after doing this, i haven’t looked at P-subs in YouTube. I haven’t purposefully or intentionally looked at P-subs. I also deleted the Bible app and the wiki how because of the same thing. I deleted movies anywhere, Netflix and amazon prime. I also deleted an inch of games that I haven’t played in forever. I may need to get rid of Disney+ for a while as well. Anyway, Someone basically told me off. Actually thank you for doing that and waking me up, I feel like I needed that for sure. No football today. Watched some Disney movies. No P-subs on purpose or intentionally and I tried not to use those movies as P-subs. But I’m still having a hard time at not lusting. I watched kid’s movies and and yes, it was hard not to lust at times. It’s so hard to control and I just go straight to lusting without thinking twice. It’s annoying. I tried not to lust, but I was unsuccessful at times. I need help from others on how to control lust. Unfortunately, I lust after any girl or woman I see potentially and also men as well. When I say lust is an issue, I mean lust is a massive problem. It’s so very easy to lust at any humans and imagine and think about what they can do sexually and what they can for me. I fantasize about my future wife sometimes and really every girl or woman I see. Oing is also still an issue. Many times when it starts, it doesn’t stop for a while. I had multiple Os without Ming. I did have Os at times throughout the day. Here’s something to add again. Thoughts are uncontrollable at times. But it was so hard today, especially for the lusting thoughts. Usually Many times I just give in without thinking once or twice. There are times when I would find truth in the Bible and something that speaks to me. But it works for a short time, then the enemy always finds a way to remove that truth and drag me back into the same sin. But now I’m praying and still praying that the trinity and the angels would guard me from losing truth and things that spoke to me in the Bible. it’s definitely helping and working. Back to what I learned several weeks ago now, it’s been a while now. My resistance is still weak because I’ve given in for so long. But it’s definitely getting better. It’s actually getting way stronger. i want to and will continue to pray that God will help me make my resistance to PMO and every sexual sin better. I know someone told me that the Holy Spirit doesn’t need backing up. I personally think it does because i now know how I work. Sometimes I easily give in to temptation and not listen or obey the spirit, that’s why I’m continuing to request backup to the Holy Spirit. So I will continue to request for backup to the Holy Spirit and ask God to command his angels to guard me and help me, along with Gabriel and Michael. I know I’ve posted about wanting love, but I’m gonna continue to trust, have faith and believe in the trinity to send me the girl or woman he wants me to be with. It takes one day at a time. I know in some posts I’ve complained way too much. I apologize for that. Everyone has been encouraging me, telling me truth, giving me amazing and great advice and also praying for me. I’m so thankful for that and I really appreciate it. This battle is hard and difficult at times. But as people have said, I will overcome this. It takes time though and I understand 100%. I thank you all so much and I love and really appreciate everyone. You all keep it up and don’t stop and give up. Keep fighting. Keep fighting the good fight. God Bless you all. Today started great, but after maybe 1:00PM, 2:00PM or so, it wasn’t that great anymore. This morning I didn’t watch cartoons this morning again. Then I went on nofap. When I got up, I did not do the song I usually do in the morning. Then I read my Bible and prayed. When I read my Bible several weeks ago now, The Holy Spirit taught me about unconditional love When it comes to Marriage and sex. This is what I told my best friend: “Well, basically about love. Unconditional love. He brought me back to, (my ex crush), and what you said was absolutely right. I was obsessed with her and wasn't loving her unconditionally. I hate to say it but I feel that's true. He also taught me about the love in marriage. If you've read the verses in epheines. There's a part that says that a wife must respect her husband and I said that because of all the crap I've been through in my life and all the sexual sin I've had, there's absolutely no way that I deserve to be respected by any woman, let alone the trinity themselves. Also if you've read 1 Corinthians 7. There is a part there that says a woman should give her husband all that he should have has his wife. I also said that I absolutely do not deserve to get anything from the wife I marry. I especially don’t deserve her body. The fact that a woman would unconditionally give herself including her body to someone like me is so freakin amazing. Also the classic verse from Geneses about a husband and wife coming together, the Holy Spirit helped me to see how beautiful that verse is. It's amazing that the God who has kept me from suicide and basically turned me into a totally different person and even created me, would create something so beautiful as love and marriage is. I started getting emotional because of all this. I want to love someone unconditionally. I told God, "If you bring my ex crush back into my life, great. If you bring someone else into my life, that's also great. But I want to love them unconditionally. But I'm not gonna talk or think about my ex crush. I don’t deserve any of this unconditional love from the trinity or a wife. What I do deserve is to be homeless, in a box, on the street, in rugged clothes and dirty as all get out, begging for money. That’s what I deserve. I don’t deserve a this unconditional love from the trinity. I don’t deserve a girl or woman. I don’t deserve a wife. I definitely don’t deserve her body at all. I deserve absolutely none of this at all”, (Forgot to add the last part). Then I went to shower. Then I went downstairs and my mom had to leave so I stayed with my sister pretty much all day. We went outside and grabbed some leafs for a project. Then we went and watered the trees with the ATV. I also drove my nephew and sister around. Then i drove my nephew around. Then we came inside and did stuff in the house. I also played with my nephew and did a project. Later my nephew did something that really turned me on. I told him it wasn’t okay. I went in the bathroom and told God some things about him. Then i put a flag together. Then we went outside and put it on the ATV. Then we came in the house and my nephew took a bath and I did some things as well. Then we went outside and drove the ATV with the flag on it. I drove both my nephew and my sister and also just my nephew. Then my mom came home. Then i dropped them off and I left and drove around myself and also went to the hill and sat there for a while. I just looked at the creation and also prayed and talked to the trinity about things, including sex and marriage. Then i came down and finished driving. Then I came inside and talked to the family. Then I went downstairs to workout. I didn’t watch anything for a little bit. Then I started watching Disney movies. Of course, I had a problem with lusting. I deleted movies anywhere, Netflix and amazon prime video apps. I also deleted a bunch of games that I’ve barely played or never played but once or so. I’m thinking about deleting the Disney+ app too. Again I did not go to the rock to kneel and pray today. But to let you know, I’m doing this as an example for others to do. It’s the same as when Christ was in the garden before his arrest and all. After my workout, i went to the kitchen and talked to my mom for a little bit. Then I went upstairs and got ready for bed. Before I got in bed, I started writing this message late at night. When I got in bed, I continued a little bit. But i stopped and I finished this message the next morning. If I missed anything, I apologize. That’s what happened on that day.
Back to 0 days: I both OM’d and MO’d because of everything that happened yesterday. I started doing it off and on. I texted my best friend and posted on nofap about it. I got up, but Then i laid back down. Then I fully and completely M’d. I’m so angry. I want to sop this crap and all addictions. I did not P though.
Be honest: You don't want to stop. Not in those moments when you very much want to PMO. You'll never make any forward progress if you are not honest with yourself about where you are today.
Back to 0 days, sep 23rd: today was frustrating. So many things happened. I touched my phone a lot. I tried to stay away from P-subs, but they kept coming back. I both OM’d and MO’d this morning because of everything that happened yesterday. I started doing it off and on. I texted my best friend and posted on nofap about it. I got up, but Then i laid back down. Then I fully and completely M’d. I was so angry. I want to sop this crap and all addictions. I did not P until later though. I was in the bathroom looking at Madison Square Garden in New York City on google earth looking at the pictures when i saw a nude woman using her hands to cover herself on a billboard on the side of the picture. I wasn't expecting it. No matter how hard or little I tried, it always found me. It was ridiculous. I did fine for a for a while. But then i started reading things and getting turned on. Lust was killing me. Lusting after my sister and sometimes my mom. I saw images, I read and looked on sex. No Disney movies as I deleted the Disney+ app. Lusting was a huge problem for me today. Later that night, i started looking up P with no purpose and trying to block everything sites, videos and images. I was doing that because I had enough and I was putting an accountability software on my phone. But I was looking it up to figure out how to block images. Can’t get on sites, but for some reason can still look at images. Again, I MO’d and OM’d. I also had O at times. I still have the Bible app and wiki how deleted. I’m continuing to briefly download the bible app to give my best friend the verse of the day, then I delete it again. No football today. I made rules though, I’m only allowed to use these apps for useful things. Otherwise, I’m not allowed to download the apps. When i was at the hill looking at the view and creation God gave us, i was again talking to the trinity about sex and marriage. For some reason it’s easy to do anything related to sex and marriage. I also replied to some people on nofap throughout the day. I was on nofap several times today. Again, I was wondering if what I did today requires a setback, reset, relapse ECT ?
Back to 0 days multiple times, sep 23rd complete: today was not all that good. Many things happened. I touched the phone a lot today. I tried to stay away from P-subs, but they kept coming back. I saw an image, I read stuff and tried not to look at sex. Here’s the end of the day report: Back to 0 days, sep 23rd: today was frustrating. So many things happened. I touched my phone a lot. I tried to stay away from P-subs, but they kept coming back. I both OM’d and MO’d this morning because of everything that happened yesterday. I started doing it off and on. I texted my best friend and posted on nofap about it. I got up, but Then i laid back down. Then I fully and completely M’d. I was so angry. I want to sop this crap and all addictions. I did not P until later though. I was in the bathroom looking at Madison Square Garden in New York City on google earth looking at the pictures when i saw a nude woman using her hands to cover herself on a billboard on the side of the picture. I wasn't expecting it. No matter how hard or little I tried, it always found me. It was ridiculous. I did fine for a for a while. But then i started reading things and getting turned on. Lust was killing me. Lusting after my sister and sometimes my mom. I saw images, I read and looked on sex. No Disney movies as I deleted the Disney+ app. Lusting was a huge problem for me today. Later that night, i started looking up P with no purpose and trying to block everything, sites, videos and images. I was doing that because I had enough and I was putting an accountability software on my phone. But I was looking it up to figure out how to block images. Can’t get on sites, but for some reason can still look at images. Again, I MO’d and OM’d. I also had O at times. I still have the Bible app and wiki how deleted. I’m continuing to briefly download the bible app to give my best friend the verse of the day, then I delete it again. No football today. I made rules though, I’m only allowed to use these apps for useful things. Otherwise, I’m not allowed to download the apps. When i was at the hill looking at the view and creation God gave us, i was again talking to the trinity about sex and marriage. For some reason it’s easy to do anything related to sex and marriage. I also replied to some people on nofap throughout the day. I was on nofap several times today. Again, I was wondering if what I did today requires a setback, reset, relapse ECT ? Someone asked me what the word, “caution”, is for. For those who don’t know, me and my best friend thought that the word, “caution”, would be more appropriate than saying the words, “d*ck, and, “peinuis”. No sexualized dream but I MO’d and OM’d this morning. Thoughts were killing me. I did have triggers, but surprisingly never acted on them once at all, but I kinda was. It was terrible avoiding sexual things, including P-subs. But at times, it seems like I’m always bombarded by sexual things. I deleted YouTube because it was giving me access to unwanted P-subs. after doing this, i haven’t looked at P-subs in YouTube. I also deleted the Bible app and the wiki how because of the same thing. I deleted movies anywhere, Netflix and amazon prime. I also deleted a bunch of games that I haven’t played in forever. I deleted the Disney+ app and got rid of thousands of Trump emails and also other email that could have been triggering and tempting for me. Anyway, Someone basically told me off. Actually thank you for doing that and waking me up, I feel like I needed that for sure. No football today. No Disney movies. P-subs at times throughout the day. But I’m still having a hard time at not lusting. it was hard not to lust at times. It’s so hard to control and I just go straight to lusting without thinking twice. It’s annoying. I tried not to lust, but I was unsuccessful at times. I need help from others on how to control lust. Unfortunately, I lust after any girl or woman I see potentially and also men as well. When I say lust is an issue, I mean lust is a massive problem. It’s so very easy to lust at any humans and imagine and think about what they can do sexually and what they can for me. I fantasize about my future wife sometimes and really every girl or woman I see. Oing is also still an issue. When I say it’s an issue, it’s a massive problem. Many times when it starts, it doesn’t stop for a while. I had multiple Os without Ming. I O’d when i M’d and M’d when i I’d this morning. I did have Os at times throughout the day. Here’s something to add again. Thoughts are uncontrollable at times. But it was terrible today, especially for the lusting thoughts. Usually Many times I just give in without thinking once or twice. There are times when I would find truth in the Bible and something that speaks to me. But it works for a short time, then the enemy always finds a way to remove that truth and drag me back into the same sin. But now I’m praying and still praying that the trinity and the angels would guard me from losing truth and things that spoke to me in the Bible. it’s definitely helping and working. Back to what I learned several weeks ago now, it’s been a while now. My resistance is still weak because I’ve given in for so long. But it’s definitely getting better. It’s actually getting way stronger. i want to and will continue to pray that God will help me make my resistance to PMO and every sexual sin better. I know someone told me that the Holy Spirit doesn’t need backing up. I personally think it does because i now know how I work. Sometimes I easily give in to temptation and not listen or obey the spirit, that’s why I’m continuing to request backup to the Holy Spirit. So I will continue to request for backup to the Holy Spirit and ask God to command his angels to guard me and help me, along with Gabriel and Michael. I know I’ve posted about wanting love, but I’m gonna continue to trust, have faith and believe in the trinity to send me the girl or woman he wants me to be with. It takes one day at a time. I know in some posts I’ve complained way too much. I apologize for that. Everyone has been encouraging me, telling me truth, giving me amazing and great advice and also praying for me. I’m so thankful for that and I really appreciate it. This battle is hard and difficult at times. But as people have said, I will overcome this. It takes time though and I understand 100%. I thank you all so much and I love and really appreciate everyone. You all keep it up and don’t stop and give up. Keep fighting. Keep fighting the good fight. God Bless you all. Today was absolutely freakin insane. This morning i M’O and OM’d. Then I went on nofap. When I got up, I did not do the song I usually do in the morning. Then I read my Bible and prayed. When I read my Bible several weeks ago now, The Holy Spirit taught me about unconditional love When it comes to Marriage and sex. This is what I told my best friend: “Well, basically about love. Unconditional love. He brought me back to, (my ex crush), and what you said was absolutely right. I was obsessed with her and wasn't loving her unconditionally. I hate to say it but I feel that's true. He also taught me about the love in marriage. If you've read the verses in epheines. There's a part that says that a wife must respect her husband and I said that because of all the crap I've been through in my life and all the sexual sin I've had, there's absolutely no way that I deserve to be respected by any woman, let alone the trinity themselves. Also if you've read 1 Corinthians 7. There is a part there that says a woman should give her husband all that he should have has his wife. I also said that I absolutely do not deserve to get anything from the wife I marry. I especially don’t deserve her body. The fact that a woman would unconditionally give herself including her body to someone like me is so freakin amazing. Also the classic verse from Geneses about a husband and wife coming together, the Holy Spirit helped me to see how beautiful that verse is. It's amazing that the God who has kept me from suicide and basically turned me into a totally different person and even created me, would create something so beautiful as love and marriage is. I started getting emotional because of all this. I want to love someone unconditionally. I told God, "If you bring my ex crush back into my life, great. If you bring someone else into my life, that's also great. But I want to love them unconditionally. But I'm not gonna talk or think about my ex crush. I don’t deserve any of this unconditional love from the trinity or a wife. What I do deserve is to be homeless, in a box, on the street, in rugged clothes and dirty as all get out, begging for money. That’s what I deserve. I don’t deserve a this unconditional love from the trinity. I don’t deserve a girl or woman. I don’t deserve a wife. I definitely don’t deserve her body at all. I deserve absolutely none of this at all”, (Forgot to add the last part). Then I went outside and drove myself around in the ATV. I also drove my nephew around. Later he left and I drove myself around again. Then i came inside and went to shower. After the shower, I saw something on the phone and I talk about it at the top. Later I did collage, looked at nofap and fight the new drug. Then i was getting thoughts that I used to have, but never acted on that. Later, i got sick of everything and put an accountability software on my phone. I was looking up P with no purpose and trying to block everything, sites, videos and images. But I was looking it up to figure out how to block images. Can’t get on sites and probably videos, but for some reason can still look at images. Then i worked out while still figuring it out. Throughout the day, I got rid of thousands of Trump emails and also other emails that could have been triggering and tempting for me. Again I did not go to the rock to kneel and pray today as there is again smoke in the area from the wildfires. But to let you know, I’m doing this as an example for others to do. It’s the same as when Christ was in the garden before his arrest and all. After my workout, i went to the kitchen and talked to my mom for a little bit. Then I went upstairs and got ready for bed. Before I got in bed, I started writing this message late at night. When I got in bed, I continued a little bit. But i stopped and I finished this message the next morning. That’s what happened on that day.
Much sin takes much sacrifice. Get right with God. Less time replying here on NF, more time alone, unplugging yourself from all other distractions, only God. You said you were angry, but sorrow is better than anger. Also, maybe consider meeting with a community pastor who you trust and be open about your sin and struggles.
