I need help. I'm in a deplorable situation, I feel terrible. In April, after several intrusive homosexual thoughts, I ended up watching gay P for the first time. While watching I felt terrible, I started to tremble and have palpitations, but even so I MO. While I did it, I heard a voice in my head saying that I should do that, because I always repressed my homosexuality and I should deal with the truth, even if it makes me feel bad. After MO, I felt awful, as if I had done the worst thing of my life. From there I began to hate myself, to be (more) ashamed of who I am. After that, I could no longer control my sexual desire, I often relapse, watching heavier genres each day. Whenever I watch gay P I feel my heart racing and I tremble, I really feel bad physically and mentally. At the moment I do not know what I am. I just want to get out of this addiction. I never considered the possibility of being gay or bi, in fact this was always a problem for me, but in the situation I find myself now I just want to be good with myself. I constantly hear voices in my head that want me to feel bad. I feel divided, as if my body were controlled by two minds, which do not always want the same thing. I live a constant war with myself, but I can not stand it anymore.