rock bottom?

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by DireMerl, Mar 24, 2016.

  1. DireMerl

    DireMerl Fapstronaut

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    What was the point when you finally realised you had a problem? Is it something that came to you slowly while trying to quit or did you have a full on lightbulb moment, that just made you realise something was wrong?

    I'm the spouse of an addict and I'm just curious as to what defines that rock bottom moment for you?
     
  2. avatarivn

    avatarivn Fapstronaut

    Interesting question. For what it's worth, here is my answer: I slowly realized I had a problem. I never were too interested in having a relationship or achieving great things, but I never were that careless about my life. In addition, even when things seemed to go well (I had a stable job, I lived in my family's house, and I had my own car) something just felt wrong, as if there is nothing of worth in life. At the time, I certainly didn't care so much whether I watched porn or not because I didn't have a girlfriend, but I couldn't just imagine myself going out with someone just for being with that person. That is when I realized how fuck'd my head was.
     
  3. Ikindaknew

    Ikindaknew Fapstronaut

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    It's hard for me, as I got caught be her at least 20 times during my 18 years together. Porn was there before we met. So I didn't get a big feeling of shame ever. I was assuming myself and felt shameless about it.

    It's when my wife finally told me that she tried to get over it consciously and unconsciously for the last 15 years and failed to get over it. I understood that day that it was enough, because my wife was sad. She said that porn created a barrier between us and that it never was the same for her, knowing that I was watching other girls having sex. My role as a hubby is to help as much as i could...this time it was for me to quit porn. I don't want to make my wife suffer. She's my only real friend, my partner...

    If I look back now, here are a few rock-bottoms! that I wasn't in a situation to really see by myself at the time:

    -When I got caught watching porn during my wife's 8th month of pregnancy.
    -When my wife found a porn stash years ago (a few DVDs)
    -When I told her I had a shoes fetish and that she told me that she wouldn't play "dress up" for me, as it was in her mind "lingerie fetish". Her not having the greatest opinion on her body, she was never feeling sexy enough to assist here. In the end, causing issues to her about that.
    -When I bought a few sex toys that she refused to use. When I more recently bought a "device" that I wanted to introduce in bed and she gave me the "I don't think so buddy".
    -When I got sick and tired of getting caught and I told her not to show up in the computer room anymore id she didn't want to catch me red handed.
    -When I started to keep a roll of absorbant towels on my computer desk and didn't give a flying F...
     
  4. GSarosi

    GSarosi Guest

    It was a quick Aha Light Bulb Moment. Once I realize what was wrong due to my porn consumption I immediately did a 360 and took action.
     
    Nathaniel Turner likes this.
  5. It was kind of a light-bulb moment, yes. I was researching on internet about porn, addictions of porn and is porn consumption healthy and safe. It was relevant for me to know this because I was using a lot of porn, I just wanted to know can this be harmful. I don't know, maybe I unconsciously felt that some of my "problems" in life could be caused by porn or that porn was negatively contributing to them. Anyhow, I went on reading and learning. I found symptoms of addiction and many of them I had. I was surprised by all those things that I had what I felt was normal and didn't even had noticed. I don't know whether I could call it full blown addiction, addiction is a strong word, but it definitely was very unhealthy for my mental health. I clearly saw it, there was no doubt about it. That was a light-bulb kind of moment for me right there. I'm very lucky that I managed to notice that I had a problem at early stage of my addiction or else I would have probably kept going deeper and deeper until I would develop an ED or something.

    I don't think I ever hit "rock bottom" in general because I wasn't at the place where it's no more lower for me to go, but I was on my way down to it if I would have stuck to that path. One of the lowest points for me personally was PMO'ing multiple times a day when I was not even physically horny. There where zero need for any physical release and it was even barely pleasurable. Took me a awhile to O, like a very long while, and even quite a lot of effort to stay hard during. And after 2rd or 3d time a day it starts to get slightly painful. I just kinda ignored this insanity by refusing to see it was a problem until some of the stuff I read put it bluntly in my face.
     
    Nathaniel Turner likes this.
  6. kk76

    kk76 Fapstronaut

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    When it all became too much

    When I wanted to stop and couldn't

    I had to see how futile PMO was and that there was no benefit to it at all. It harmed me and I used it as a pick me up or that's what I thought it was.

    Trying a SLAA meeting worked. Tried SA but that didn't resonate. I did a lot of reading and saw a lot of myself in what I was reading.

    My view of porn changed. I stopped seeing it as cool or fun. It harmed the hell out of me and when I stayed off it I felt better. I handled things, life didn't seem so shite and hard going. Then when I got a taste of freedom I liked it but to see what life is like then your OH needs to stay off it a while. Let that dust settle.
     
    zadvanceppa and Nathaniel Turner like this.
  7. True-Self

    True-Self Fapstronaut

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    Great question @DireMerl. I was actually thinking about this for some time prior to finding your post. I think it was a slow build for me. I never faced an ultimatum from my wife, started seeing prostitutes or anything along those lines. I first started thinking about giving up PMO several years ago before I was married. My wife and I lived together and were intimate before we were married (sinners). We decided that we wouldn't have sex for a month before our wedding as one way to make the honeymoon more special. I remember thinking that this would be no problem. I was only able to make it part of the month :(. At some point afterwards I remember thinking about how I have never really gone any length of time without using P. I also almost exclusively PMO'd. I very rarely MO'd. This lead me to research how to stop watching P. I then found NoFap, shared my story, and went on to a 32 day PMO free streak. On the 33rd day I slowly built up in my mind how awesome P was :confused: and how great it would be use it again. So I left work early and did what I thought I had to. I left the site for a while then made another attempt to quit. This time I think I made it 30 days but it was a lot less clean then the first go. I did not PMO (together) but did MO and watched some P. I then relapsed again. In my current streak things seem different. I've listened to some great Tedx talks and read some inspiring journals on this site. I've thought more about the way that I use P (as a coping, escaping mechanism) and how I really don't want to be someone that supports P by watching it. I've thought about how it negatively effects my relationship and how I just don't want to "need" to use it anymore. Another thought that keeps go through my head is the idea that "you can't keep doing the same thing and expect different results". I've tried PMO (for many, many years), it's time for experiencing, celebrating and loving life.
     
    Last edited: Mar 27, 2016
  8. DireMerl

    DireMerl Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for the input guys. Keep it up. Its interesting to see how it comes to people so differently :)
     
    Nathaniel Turner likes this.
  9. Personally, i believe in no such thing as "hitting rock bottom". Today one can think they have nothing to lose but the truth is you will always have something to lose. I learnt that the hard way.
    I didn't had a lightbulb moment. I had always felt guilty about what i did but always forgot that some time later and although i don't like to admit it, i only realized i had a problem when it started affecting my life.
     
  10. Limp Biscuits

    Limp Biscuits Fapstronaut

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    When I had failure to get erect despite being very turned on. I couldn't attribute it to anything else so I am guessing it had to be the porn, fantasizing, and masturbation.

    I'm stopping all three (but not stopping natural sex) and I have high hopes.
     
  11. Once I realized that Porn has made me so obsessed with chasing something that isn’t real that I've missed out on actual relationships... I've pmo at a friends house using his laptop in his bathroom once (don't judge me) I've also tried hitting on one of my friends mom who's married. :oops:
     
  12. True-Self

    True-Self Fapstronaut

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    hey Lazarus, not judging just curious: did the hitting on the mom thing happen after developing a fixation with MILF themed P?
     
  13. Ikindaknew

    Ikindaknew Fapstronaut

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    YOU STAWP you triggering mofo! LOL

    I married a woman older than me...I guess that was a smart move on my part.
     
    Lazarus Shuttlesworth likes this.
  14. It was a long time ago, but I've definitely watched that genre before so maybe there is a correlation. Now that I think about it.. My first (and only) relationship and kiss with a girl was with someone 7 years older then me back when I was like 15 lol you could be on to something. And no she wasn't a hooker.
     
    Ikindaknew likes this.
  15. DireMerl

    DireMerl Fapstronaut

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    No judgment here. I've read stories of people doing it at work, meeting prostitutes on business trips etc etc.

    I'm pretty sure the husband has done some pretty dodgy stuff too so don't worry. This is a place you can be honest.
     
  16. fatbee98

    fatbee98 Fapstronaut

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    Rock bottom for me was lying to my wife about a relapse. She has been through so much with me. I have changed the way she views herself. The shame I feel is overwhelming at times. I am truly sorry for deceiving her. Now that I have broken her trust...again, I have to look inside myself and fix ME, not just wait for the storm to pass
     
  17. Physicist

    Physicist Fapstronaut

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    My lowest point was when I was seeking other forms of pleasure. Some of my porn use became extreme, which were very regular and I couldn't get off with plain porn. Morning and nightly became a norm. Sometimes many times in the morning, couldn't do anything without some release. Done it in public a few times but that didn't deter me either. I wanted to stop but nothing I did caused me to want to do it bad enough. I have abstained before so I could have good sex and the times i have had the best sex was when i abstained from porn for an extended period of time but I fell for the chaser effect.

    My lowest point came when I resorted to voyeurism. I felt it was wrong but became exciting. Eventually i felt low and stupid and dumb and terrible and guilty and had a massive headache with a lot of shame. Seeking a thrill like that was not only stupid but dangerous. And knowing deep down inside, its not something i ever wanted to happen to me, just made me fear the karma i might receive. Eventually I just stopped and i told myself never again. Its fucked up and if someone were to spot me I could never look at people in the eyes.

    After that I decided to become proactive on NoFap and thus this forum. Much better than the subreddit.
     
  18. takezawa1

    takezawa1 Fapstronaut

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    When I could not get arroused while watching P was when I realized i hit rock bottom, I needed devices keep it up, P**** rings and a lot more. Not being able to get it up is enough to realize you have a problem. But here's something even darker I FAPped so much one day that I actually got a rug burn that turned into a cut, and I kept going, the cut took over two weeks to heal, now it's all cleared up but that was when I woke up to realizing I need to quit, but It wasn't until a month later that everything just stopped working. I had seen nearly allll of the videos on the websites of my P accounts, nothing was new, I couldn't find anything I wanted to watch, just to give you an I idea, one of my accounts I had 77 playlists that I had created with each playlist averaging 150 videos each. And that was only 1 of 5 P accounts that I had. So I guess I reached that point where enough was really enough.
     
  19. JustinX

    JustinX Fapstronaut

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    Rock bottom for me was definitely when I had (well tried to have) after couple years of only PMO sex with a woman. It was a hookup with a genuine women (not prostitute!) from pub. I didnt even want to have sex, I was fully happy with porn (and therefore not much interested in women) but when she indirectly suggested it I said myself why not I didnt have real sex for ages lets do it.

    And BOOM I hit rock bottom. She was absolutely turned on, when I put her panties down they were totally soaked but I simply couldnt get hard. Not that night, not next morning, not even next afternoon when we were absolutely sober. Simply not at all. Her body was gorgeous, exactly how I like it, she was doing everything she could, but nothing helped me to get erected. I didnt even fap that day I was in pub but day before I masturbated 4 times and it was clear to me what is the cause.

    And then I realized do I really want this? Not being able to fuck a woman? Not being with a woman for rest of my life? Is the porn really worth it? And my answer was FUCK NO. And because I hit that rock bottom, it is surprisingly much more easier for me not to fap then I expected.
     

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