Roleplaying chatroom issue

I think you posted in that other thread about that other chat site right?

I just watched the episode of Black Mirror 'Striking Vipers' last night, it's kind of lame you have to respect the social expectation by making it a spoiler thing but here it is - might be a problem with rebooters watching it anyway since it involves sex. I don't remember it showing anything and don't recommend most people watching it but I'm basically feeling asexual and even kind of disgusted with human beings in general so given the unique situation I was pretty safe. (and I didn't know what it involved when I started watching)

Spoiler: Black Mirror

Basically what happens is these two guys who are old friends get into this VR game which is not about sex where one of them plays a female character, and they start making out and one is married and ends up having an affair. They don't like each other IRL, stop for a while and the one that plays the female character tries sex with other computer generated characters, other players using different characters (including a polar bear character) playing his friends character and just couldn't get his fix. The married guy loses interest in his wife. At the end the other guy who is married ends up with an arrangement with his wife where one day a month they take off their ring, he goes into the game to screw his friend and his wife goes to a bar to hook up with a stranger.

Anyway so the question comes up, what is the difference between VR and the text conversation based fantasy? VR is lazier and doesn't have to involve imagination, it makes you feel it - but with chatting you are making yourself feel it on one level since you have to imagine it and somewhere in the thought process you imagine it is real, you pretend.

In a word: Delusion.

With this kind of fantasizing of course it is just more elaborate, you have a whole scenario whereas the person that is just basing PMO off of the porn stimuli has to use less imagination, maybe only the switch where they tell themselves this is real rather than a video.

I don't want to be typing a lecture and we want to get down to the practical business of how to overcome it, but here I have to say that is why I think when you have a more involved pattern like this just thinking in terms of a long streak is hopelessly simplistic. It's sort of like someone who doesn't like the small town they grew up in thinking they can escape their past just by moving a long distance away. Sure those memories will fade and people sometimes do get away that way, but did they break off all contact with people from their past? And we also know when you grow up with those influences in the formative years that makes a deep impression. Whether it's geographical distance or time neither 'strategy' in itself addresses fixing your mind.

 

Problem........

 

I had a combined chat / porn addiction. Usually when I'm on a streak it's chat I crave the most. Often it starts with a "normal", non-adult chat room. Then I get cravings for an adult chat room. Then I start craving P and M also.

So I'd advise quitting all live online chat. Delete any accounts you may have that you use for your addiction. Take it seriously because I think this is harder than quitting porn alone (hard as that may be), because the mind comes up with all kinds of rationalisations for online chat:

"I'll just do clean chat"
"I'll see if that particular person is online"
"It's just a chat room, I don't see what the problem is"
"I'll see if I have any messages" (deleting accounts solves this one)

 

Of course people do that in all sorts of ways, many have an addiction recovery group formed around it. Some are more socially acceptable than others.

The chat thing is an example of a normal human need to socialize and connect being distorted, combined with sex. Even without sex we see how the behavior can be in social media. And now with social distancing and people near wetting themselves just having another human being walking down the street (if you can even do that) socialization is harder than ever, let alone some kind of romantic relationship.

It's clearly not just us as individuals, it's just fucked up and disconnected in all sorts of ways.

 

Very similar problems here - is anyone open to a new accountability buddy?

 

I had problems with both chats and sexual orientation. I can talk with you guys if you like.

 

Sexual chat rooms are my vice too. I'm open to being an accountability partner. Send me a PM.