romantic fantasy while abstaining from PMO?

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by aberration, Jan 30, 2017.

  1. aberration

    aberration Fapstronaut

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    While abstaining from PMO would it be okay to have a romantic fantasies (with no physical stimulation and the fantasies dont involve me replaying pornographic videos in my head), or would this also end up releasing dopamine and undermine everything?
     
  2. Username1021

    Username1021 Fapstronaut

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    What do you stand to gain from these fantasies? Its best to just not have fantasies outright and work on making them a reality - this is something I'm working on myself.
     
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  3. recoome

    recoome Fapstronaut

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    I think fantasizing would lead to a relapse. That's what it did to me eventually. On day 1 and day 2 you'll be able to manage, but as days progress, the urge to stroke the dick increases and it won't be long from "just a little to fantasy" to "oh let's go all the way..."

    So avoid fantasy as well. In fact I have separate counters in my mobile. One for nopmo. And one for fantasy. Even if I do a slight fantasy I reset the fantasy counter.

    But that's all right. I'm mainly focusing on nopmo counter. The fantasy counter is just a warning.
     
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  4. SnowWhite

    SnowWhite Fapstronaut

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    Romantic fantasies are very normal and a sign of a healthy person.

    But stay in touch with reality!

    Don't "daydream" all time, get moving and work on making your fantasies a reality.
     
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  5. IGY

    IGY Guest

    This is true. However, for those of us addicted to PMO a romantic fantasy can, in a millisecond, become sexual - perhaps pornographic! So, caution is prudent. If an individual finds that a romantic fantasy follows that pathway in the brain to a sexual fantasy and then PMO it would make sense IMO to truncate romantic fantasies until a full reboot has been achieved.
     
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  6. aberration

    aberration Fapstronaut

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    good point, as the days go on fantasies would be more and more tempting.
     
  7. JustinX

    JustinX Fapstronaut

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    I have them too and actually really like them and never made me relapse. If they should be encouraged or discouraged that depends:
    1. if you biggest problem was frequency of masturbation (3-5 times a day), then they might be discouraged.
    2. if you biggest problem was fetish (femdom, bsdm, gayporn, humiliation, so on) then straight romantic vanilla fantasies should be encouraged as they might help you rewire faster to normal taste.
     
  8. aberration

    aberration Fapstronaut

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    number 2 is actually interesting, a few days ago I started a thread and a member, who I believe his name was 'Star Lord', actually said that it might be better for someone into dark and disturbing fetishes to rewire their tastes by pmo to vanilla p for a while and then once their tastes were vanilla to begin the nofap challenge so that IF they did relapse it would be to vanilla content instead of the dark and disturbing content. However some members mentioned this to be difficult and unlikely as it is a reverse to the 'Coolidge effect.' Though obviously what you list in number 2 is different as you only mention vanilla fantasies for rewiring and not vanilla pmo.
     
  9. recoome

    recoome Fapstronaut

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    I would advice against vanilla fantasies or vanilla porn as well. Better nuke the porn out of the mind rather than trying to remove them slowly.
     
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  10. aberration

    aberration Fapstronaut

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    It is HIGHLY unlikely that my fantasies will ever become a reality, they are nothing illegal or anything like that, but realistically speaking they are at unlikely to ever happen for me (well unless circumstance forces me to move to another location and I get 1 in 1,000,000 luck lol). It is just the reality of the situation, so I enjoy having these fantasies at times they make me feel better, many of them dont even make me MO, however I worry that if I abstain from PMO and MO after a while I may become desperate and that the fantasies may push me in that direction again.
     
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  11. This. The fact that you are worried about this is very good but also means you should refrain. Fantasies, even nice romantic ones, are fun but not sliding back into PMO should be your #1 goal. Good luck!
     
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  12. Once, earlyish on in my reboot, I snapped out of quite a captivating daydream, to realise what I was fantasising about. It was not a sexual fantasy but yes, It was slightly romantic. I was pretty pleased with myself because I knew it was a sign that my brain and soul were healing and finally rejecting my old, peverted desires. I had a similar experience in a dream, to, and was equally if not more happy to realise my brain was healing.

    But in both these instances, I did not deliberately initiate the fantasy. I never initiate a fantasy because while they can be nice, they are, well a fantasy. They are removed from reality.

    So my advice is to keep it real, don't fantasise, and your brain might occasionally send you a message that it is doing well, like a romantic dream or something.
     
  13. Fatsodubmo

    Fatsodubmo Fapstronaut

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    GREAT idea about the two counters!!!
     
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  14. lostandfound

    lostandfound Fapstronaut

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    Porn and fantasies do the same thing. They make you dependant on something that is not in front of you and not in the present moment. They will both release dopamine and can keep you locked in. Your mind is tricking you by thinking its ok to fantasize. They will both distort your idea of what sex in real life is. If you dont control the thoughts and let the fantasies get away they can get sexual and beyond your control REALLY fast. Controlling your thoughts and staying out of your head is key otherwise they will overwhelm you.
     
    Last edited: Feb 1, 2017
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  15. SnowWhite

    SnowWhite Fapstronaut

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    That's the point!

    Fantasy is a human gift, but it should lead to immediate action.
    Like with a prolific writer: The idea comes into his mind and flows directly into the paper.

    The same is true for sexual fasntasies - lead them to real good relationships, not to lonely masturbation.
     
  16. lostandfound

    lostandfound Fapstronaut

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    No dude it doesnt work like that. Not for me any way. You can get caught up in the fantasy so easily that it can have the exact same effect on you as porn and before you know it you've relapsed. We are not talking about writing a book where inspiration comes from within. We are talking about how we are fixated on our minds distorted image of women and sex. So finding inspiration inside is not good because your mind is already poisoned, and finding inspiration from that is the exact thing we are trying to avoid. Ideally you should stay OUT of your head and your conscious and stay in reality, experience things that are real and in the present moment, again OUTSIDE of your head. I talk about the present because fantasies usually revolve around the past or the future, and dont have anything to do with whats real. If fantasizing works for you then great, but I would avoid it as much as possible.
     
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  17. feo1966

    feo1966 Fapstronaut

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    I think you are trying to rationalize the fake dopamine hit that you get from fantasizing
     
  18. JustinX

    JustinX Fapstronaut

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    Well it seems that fantasies or what you understand by fantasies is different from person to person. My fantasies are more like what SnowWhite wrote. My fantasies are romantic fantasies not porn fantasies. So what I wanted to say that majority of the fantasy is about how things, circumstance or romance is created and minority about sex itself. Let me give you example what but happened during my first reboot:
    In reality girl on street gave me nice smile and long eye contact. I just went past her because I was still rebooting but my fantasies was what exactly I would say to her, so it is teasing and funny (but not only for her but also for me), where I would take her on date, what we would do (fun activities, games), obviously at the end after long foreplay we end up having passionate sex in fantasy.
    But 90% of fantasy was about building it and only about 10% was about sex.
    Then after my first reboot, often used PARTS of those fantasies in realities. For example I had fantasy of great way how to kiss a girl with blueberries in park without any awkwardness and with lot of fun that endup having passionate sex there. After my reboot I actually did that I went to park with blueberries with one girl from tinder, and I did the kissing part exactly like in my fantasies and it was so much fun and she really like that too. Although we didnt end up having sex there but the way how I kissed her for the first time was exactly from my fantasy.
    Same thing about what to say to girl, date venues, dating activities. It first came to me as part of fantasy and I later used in a reality. Therefore I consider those fantasies as I way of preparing you for what is waiting for you after reboot.
    Just to repeat that one more time, those fantasies never come true exactly like you fantasied them but you might find parts of those fantasies useful later in reality.
     
  19. SnowWhite

    SnowWhite Fapstronaut

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    But @aberration wrote that he has romantic fantasies, not distorted images.
     
  20. lostandfound

    lostandfound Fapstronaut

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    Although romantic is definitely better than whatever porn he was watching its still going to cause excitement and release dopamine and could lead to a relapse. its putting yourself through a lot of suffering for nothing. and what is romantic anyways? kissing, touching, oral leading to sex and who knows what else. the imagination can run wild if you let it. The point is its not real. its all made up in your head and when you do have a real experience it will be less than what you expected and wanted
     

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