Not sure how many people have this but I wanted to push myself to face my reality. I have long had the fantasy to meet a beautiful foreign or exotic girl and whisk her away; take her to amazing places and be her prince in shining armor. I don't know if this is a combination of those fairy tale stories we all watch, combined with the exhilaration of being a superhero of sorts... but I travel for work; internationally. At the beginning I just stayed in my hotel room and looked at porn; then progressed to fantasizing about escorts who were easily available nearby. Eventually I tried a few but that gets expensive. So I deduced the best (and cheapest) option would be to just have a girlfriend in every country I visited while at work. I travel to latin america so the first few countries were amazing, dominican republic, colombia, brazil, you get the point. At first I thought it was all love and pursuing my fantasy or dream, but then, I wanted to try a different type, or race, ethnicity, etc... I fell in love with some, others fell in love with me (i think), and in the end I was living multiple lives, multiple relationships, acting out a rockstar or celebrity fantasy. I tried to break up with all of them, and delete any access to them. For the most part that worked, and I went from lots of women down to 3. I thought that was good. I felt relieved to not feel so fragmented, but I discovered an old cell phone recently and it wasn't hard to resurrect the old feelings. I don't think if I would ever leave my wife for any of these women, but I have been bouncing back and forth for a while and I always tell myself, it would be so easy to quit since they are countries away... but I feel it impossible. I don't have relations with my wife going on 2 years so I don't have any incentive to stop, but I want to be successful with work and be able to conquer my fears. I feel porn has a lot to do with this, but I'm glad I found a place to share my questions and get some support.