Ruined my reboot on day 89?

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Megadeath, Nov 10, 2019 at 10:26 PM.

  1. Megadeath

    Megadeath New Fapstronaut

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    Hello, im reaching out to you guys in a place of hopelessness. Please excuse my poor English, im European. Porn has been a daily rutine for me since i was young, ive been watching for about 10 years and i had over 3000 viewed videos solely on pornhub. I recently learned how severly this has been affecting my brain and i decided to make a change. I deleted my PH account and started the 90 day challenge. After relapsing on day 14 something sparked inside me. I CAN DO THIS, IF I CANT DO THIS, THEN WHAT CAN I REALLY DO? Ive been using savage self talk every single day since then and ive managed to stay away from porn and touching myself for the whole stretch. I want the reebot SO bad. Yesterday was day 89. 89!!!!!!!!! I was browsing a discussion forum and accedently clicked a bad link, it lead to an animal porn video of a pig and a woman. This is a fetish that ive buried a long time ago since i find it dispicable, and not even in my pmo days would i watch this kind of thing. The video autoplayed and i froze, watching it for about 5 seconds before closing it down in panic but it was too late. I instantly felt an extreme dopamine rush and i was literally shaking for about 10 minutes after that, feeling the same type of anxiety id have after a binge. I also got precum. Today (supposedly day 90) ive been feeling extremly down and my brain has been flooded with fantasy flashes, resulting in precum atleast 2 times. I think its fair to say my reboot is ruined and reset. I literally feel hopeless. Im hoping for any advise you people can give me. What do i do from here? Will i ever be able to recover if im this sensitive to this addiction?
     
    Last edited: Nov 10, 2019 at 10:34 PM
  2. Our brains are adapted to porn after years of reinforcement. The only solution is removing every trace of porn and related imagery from your daily life. My new aim is to not surf the web, to only use it for truly essential things that serve my most important values.

    The world wide web has become a black whole with millions of people working to trick your brain and rob you of your precious attention in detriment of your mental abilities and independence. Indeed, the joined forces in question want you to become some kind of zombie servant. This is not a joke, but reality. I can't stress how serious I think this issue is.

    I advocate for "extremism." (I put it in quotes because it may seem like extremism to us that have been overusing technology, in fact I advocate for a more congruent state with our essential constant human nature).

    What does this mean in practice? Stop browsing forums that you don't really need, or using any digital technology that you don't really need. Always use technology in a controlled way.

    Read about the philosophy of technology use "Digital minimalism" outlined by Cal Newport in his latest book. This is the future. That's what I believe in.

    I hope you have the strength to change as I hope I have it too.

    Anyway, focus more on what you want to do with your life and use it as motivation to stop the harmful habits. This is the central advice I could give, and it's very hard to follow in our present conditions.
     
    Last edited: Nov 10, 2019 at 11:02 PM
    Megadeath and Zeeshaan like this.
  3. laserfish30

    laserfish30 Fapstronaut

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    Wow, I applaud you for going to 89 days in general. Especially after being addicted to porn for so long. That is a huge accomplishment. My advice for you is to completely get rid of the risky things that can create triggers for you. For example, I just recently deleted Instagram because even though I would use it for generally good things, I would get accidental triggers. Best of luck to you man!
     
    Megadeath likes this.
  4. mutu

    mutu Fapstronaut

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    I stopped for 180 days and relapsed. What I wanted to till you is that no matter how long you stop it's easy to fall off the ladder "so to speak". The point is that once you start your recovery the first two weeks are the difficult then things get easier, then you start to not being carful every single day and here is the problem because we thing that we defeated our addiction. From my experience I can say that PMO addiction is extremely difficult because it requires a loooooot of effort "specially mental effort". Also don't surf the internet unless you really need to. And since you reached 89 days it means that you can do it again.
     

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