Oh goodness my husband came home this am and I find it so hard to be around him. I feel so self conscious of my real breasts and tummy. I can not smile or laugh looking at him because my eyes get lines around them when I laugh. All these things I never thought about before torment me. He is doing great, really doing the hard work. Having huge insights and being vulnerable. Understanding why he did what he did. So much damage has been done though. It is hard because he wants me more than ever, but I just want to run away. I feel beautiful with other men, but I feel like garbage with my own husband. I have emdr tomorrow and I hope it brings some relief. I hate that before I was so joyful and carefree, but now I am an anxious mess that feels so much better when he is gone.