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Discussion in 'Significant Other Journals' started by Sadgirl, Jul 31, 2017.
How do I fix a broken woman?
So sorry to hear. I would say concentrate on your own healing now and also moving on with your life.
Thanks I will try!
Stay strong, @Sadgirl. I feel so sad for what you are going through. I totally understand your position, too. Scattered disclosure is like knives stabbing in already sore wounds I have the same situation. I don't even know is asking my BF for a formal therapeutic disclosure would actually work, because I feel like he would lie there too. I don't think where we live anyone does lie detector testing for these kinds of purposes. I doubt he would even agree to it. For the past 8 months of his sobriety I heard him admit to an urge maybe once and a trigger outside the house also maybe once. I'm thinking, with how much he acted out in the past, and how difficult it is/was for him not to stare at women in my presence, he was triggered ONCE and had an urge ONCE (maybe twice)????? I call BS on that, therefore I still don't trust him no matter what his counter says.
Thank you for your support
It is infuriating! I didn't marry a liar-I feel like I don't know who my husband is sometimes. And we shouldn't have to beg for truth!
Thank you so much @Broken81. I appreciate your advice as I can be really reactive at times and make devisions that are not well thought out. Sometimes it is hard to remember how to breathe. How did our husbands get so lost?
I agree, the lies are the worst! Why can't they just be honest?! Yes that was my first emdr session-it is difficult because when in pain I just want to remove the source of pain (him). Thank you for empathizing. I am sorry that you are in this boat too so to speak.
Hey @novibe Yes I fully understand! Afyer so many lies how do we trust anything? It is all so confusing. I asked my CSAT about urges as my husband also says he has none- she said it is really common for PAs or SAs to be so relieved that their acting out behaviours are out in the open that they do not feel compelled to act out again. Like the secrecy makes the addiction that much more addictive. Not sure if that makes sense ? But again it is hard to know what to believe when lied to so much
@Sadgirl my husband only had 3 urges after the big Dday which was like in the first week or so post dday and after that he hasnt had urges so i think it can be normal to a degree, for my husband there was a huge relief that came with me finding out, it like freed him in a sense.
If that's the case, I suspect the 'freedom' came from your husband finally coming clean about everything. The addict gets this sense of relief, like "thank God ... I don't have to keep all these secrets anymore." But for the addict who's still hiding secrets, they never quite feel that sense of freedom. They end up living with one foot in the addiction and one foot in their recovery--and unfortunately recovery won't work like that.
This makes total sense!
Thank you so much for sharing @AnonymousAnnaXOXO ! I caught up on your journal and it sounds like you two are in a wonderful stage of healing and love. Many blessings to you this week! I can't wait to hear details
I can't believe I'm reading this now as I was about to create a thread about urges - or lack thereof! I will still create one and tag you both as I do not wish to clog up sadgirl's journal!
Sounds great! And feel free to post whatever you would like here anytime!
I wonder what it is like to be truly loved.
I've often longed to be the drug of choice. Pretty f-d up huh?
I 100% understand. ((Hugs)).
That was way more intense in my feels-area than it should've been. We've all been there and it really freaking sucks. Are you okay? Safe?
Hi, @Sadgirl. I understand. I understand you, too, @Bel.