Saving Ourselves For marriage

When I was young I knew I wanted to hold onto my virginity, at least until I was out of high school. Then I continued to be a virgin out of my own failure to get into a relationship. It was only when I started taking the Bible more seriously that I realized I had to hold on to my virginity out of respect for its principles. I am starting to get my eyes open to the damage that pre-marital sex is having on relationships. I really think this is the reason for a lot of unhappiness and tension between men and women in a relationship and it has made dating seem hopeless because now its just a pseudo marriage.. You get all of the sexual benefits of the marriage without having some of the other commitments.

On the other hand it is really unfortunate that PMO got to me (and many on the forum), pre-marital sex and doing PMO lead you to the same place from the P.O.V of the Bible and I am afraid I am even more messed up because of PMO. If I had the real thing a couple times in the past and then abstained once I wanted to start believing, perhaps it would have been better than getting hooked on this but that's not what happened. I am physically a virgin but mentally its like I married PMO, which is worse than being alone. There will have to be a full recovery before marriage becomes an option and hopefully my spouse is willing to look beyond my foolish past with PMO.

 

I am mush like you staying away from sex because i was taught it was wrong and feeling like if I kist masturbated so It kept me out of trouble I would be better off. I have even masturbated befor a date so i would'nt be too horny on my date.
Now I want to keep my virginity because its the right thing to do. Im glad i ddint get into porn so much as just a strong masturbation habit but now I want to break that even though my friends all have sex a lot and i don';t know any other virgins guys or girls but I'll keep trying my best good luck!
Virginpaul

 

Joining. Think I am ending my manwhore days. Not that I was ever really a decent one anyway.

 

So many thoughts on this journey, thinking about enduring all the blueballs while other guys are getting laid; thinking about what if I never meet the right person to commit to; the constant second guessing of what I am doing; the constant doubts and temptation to give up and say why bother, and get laid like other people.

 

It's completely normal to have this thoughts and doubts. As for blueballs - it will pass (1-2 days max, hit me after around 20 days no pmo), so don't give too much attention to this and also don't stimulate yourself by p-subs and some thoughts on this subject (it can make this problem little worse, but it will pass - nocturnal emission).

I find it much easier to live this way - (at least trying) obeying the religious laws, it is simple - you know what you need to do, what you shouldn't do and what you can do if you want to. You won't find happiness in sleeping around (just temporary dopamine) and you will have bad consequences for your life here and after (if you believe in God).
Intimacy/sex is a good thing, you have all the rights to do it 'within the law' (only at first glance it seems harder this way) and it will be better for us this way.

 

Oh, I forgot in my list, irrational fears like “will I ever get laid again”? Its almost like I can literally hear Satan’s voice egging me on “what do you think you’re doing, lol, you think you’re actually going to abstain from sex now”?

Although I really really do, I want to be the right kind of man now. I wanna walk in truth, and walking in truth is not something you can fake successfully. You can literally spot fool’s gold and inauthenticity or in today’s internet vernacular “larping”.

Most importantly you can’t fool God. You may hoodwink a few people, but not God.

 

I can still hear that Douchebag Satan, “YOU CAN’T POSSIBLY ABSTAIN, your sex drive too high, what a joke”! Egging me on continually. smh

 

I hear you, I get thoughts that say "Do you really think you can stop this?, You always give in and fail?, you aren't really in the faith"

 

Nofap is harder, having sex with someone needs a lot of preparation so easier to avoid than nofap. Nofap untill marriage ?

 

I was poking around the forum and I just found this thread which is just inline with my journal.
My journal is all about preparing myself for post marital sex. I am working on it

 

Saving yourself for marriage is a great thing.

 

This is such a great thread. As someone who has a father who has only ever been with my mother, reading this in 2021 is almost like going into the attic of my mind, pulling away the cobwebs and dust and reading from a long forgotten memory and moral code that was followed and from which I was made from. It's uncanny.

I myself feel that I am the furthest thing from my father. Perhaps we all in our youth deviate far from our fathers, and in this sex sex-positive world: actually no, that's the wrong term - it's not sex-positive, it's a sex-chaotic society (I am talking about the americanized/wifi connected west) where an 8 year old could have instant and boundary-less HD where they could see the acts of Sodom and Gommorah played out - and yet on the other extreme we have the pilarys of #metoo and outrage culture....we have deviated extremely far from the chaste and devoted life of my father's generation, that maybe had a playboy magazine and that's it.

I have had well-thought-out arguments for why I pursued casual encounters in my youth. But I am not convinced that those arguments are as well thought out as my younger self thought.

I also witnessed a somewhat unhappy union between my parents at times. But who am I to judge, they are still together. But the sacrifices they made....it makes my skin crawl sometimes.

But maybe I am misinformed?

Maybe some great measure of peace is achieved through this sacrifice?

Ofcourse I cannot turn the clock back and start over.

But what is the value in faithfulness and virginity?

We live in a society that is so flagrantly against it, if not outright, implicitly.

Yet I know, from personal experience that the alternative (multiple gfs, casual dating, polygamy, harems, single life) also does not work.

At least, for me it is not optimal (nothing against hermits and monks)

The consistency and habituation of having a 'someone' or 'another half' is always being searched for.

Plato's mythological human with two heads, four hands and four legs.

As I go on this journey myself, I will take serious consideration to this possibility of choosing just one person.

And saving myself, from now, until marriage.

God, that is strange to write that.

But I have seen the unfaithful alternatives, in the media, in life, in friends' lives, and it looks like Hades to me.

Thanks for sharing.

4:30am

 

God intended sex 4 marriage, many might disagree, there is a reason God made this rule. They say sex binds 2 spirits.

 

I respect this thread but i think i read this at a really bad time. Made me feel real bad for myself. Hopefully God forgives me for what ive done.

God bless you all

 

I live in Canada, the dating and sex culture is much like the US. It's very liberal and pre-marital sex is the norm, its almost taboo if you want to wait until marriage. Porn and PMO are also considered normal.

Is it mandatory that you wait that long? In western culture that seems to be the age most people are settling down just because of the way the culture is. The mainstream idea people have now is to spend your 20s working on your career and then date, hookup, party and travel before settling down. I agree it is better to finish college and get a career going so this can make you wait until around 25. So far, I am only aware of one marriage out of all of my peers. I don't know anyone else in their early 20s that is getting married, I know of two people that might be married in a year or two, they are going to be around 25-26 if they stick with the plan. I don't really know the stats but it does seem like people are waiting longer and longer in the west. My parents were 20 & 23 when they got married, my grandparents also got married in their early 20s.

I think it is possible but its really hard, especially if you are trying to get over PMO. It takes so much energy to resist the cravings for PMO and regular libido. Once PMO is conquered I think its easier to deal with regular libido but even that can be a struggle, especially if there's sexual triggers all around you.

I think it is true, it gets harder to form a bond with the subsequent partners and it could lead to relationship problems and even cheating. Don't know a lot of science on this subject..

 

It's different for my country, so I will say from my 'experience' and I don't know your circumstances - why do you need to wait for so long? For example why it is different here - men need to provide stable income and home to live, women are not obliged to do all this (in general), so age of marriage for men is bigger, than for women. Can't your parents or relatives find you a husband (ofc for you to meet and then see for yourself if you agree to marry)?

That's contradictory, I think you need to work on what you truly want and think on this subject.
As for me - worries give you nothing, so I try to accept the possibility of being single, if that's my destiny, but I work and will continue working on getting married.

I agree