Saving Yourself for Marriage?

I'm in a relationship for over 2 years now, saving it for marriage and couldn't be happier for it!

 

I find this fairly uplifting to hear a Christian Women who cares so deeply for her spiritual and sexual life. I hope that I as a man can use this awesome example.

 

I totally respect people that save themselves. Personally I would never do it. Sex is too important of a part of a relationship to not know prior to linking your lives via marriage to someone whom you are not compatible with in bed. To a certain extent I think if people are both willing to try they can both learn to please each other. But other things like PMO addiction or forms of ED or DE you would not know about most likely if you had not had sex pre marriage. I mean I ended things with my ex fiancé because of his PIED and I would not have know about it if we did not have premarital sex and I’d be married and miserable.

 

I couldn't help but ask - was he honest about his PMO addiction and why he had those problems? I mean if you don't have honesty in a relationship, you can never find the problem and work on a solution. Yes having sex in a relationship is natural, but why should some obvious symptom like PIED,DE,ED , be the determining and decisive factor of whether you continie with the relationship. My point is if those problems are talked about - like hey I have a porn addiction and I don't really know how I'm gonna perform in bed, or just expressing and discussing the attitude towards sex in the relationship - what do you both expect? Of course you can't know if the partner has PIED before trying it, but with proper conversation, discussion and negotiation you can come to the conclusion that there will be problems in bed. I cannot imagine two healthy individuals not having good intercourse. now there is the pleasure part and you can never know until you try it, but I still feel it's not enough of n excuse to do the act. Through the years with enough determination, you can cure the addiction and the symptoms that go with it and learn to please yourselves better. That is considering that all of the other qualities of the person except sex making are worth it. That's my humble opinion.

 

to be honest this is a real encouragement for me-hearing a male post about saving themselves for marriage. Im attempting dating while doing NoFap, but im starting to loose hope because there just seems to be no Christian men out there or just men with values. I consider myself an attractive girl, its easy for me to get attention if i want it but as for online dating it seems people aren't interested in values or character. It's at least reassuring there are men of some calibre here who appreciate more than a half naked gym selfie.
thanks for sharing x

 

About his DE yes he was honest that he had suffered from it in the past but only after we had sex several times and I questioned him. About the PIED no but I am pretty sure he had no idea that was the cause. So I don’t think he hid it, he was honest that he watched it and I had no problems with that. I also had never heard of PIED and neither had he. If we had never had sex it would have been highly unlikely I would know these things. How could he tell me he had PIED if he had no clue he did? As for the DE I think it’s very rare a man just outright tells you he has that issue. I suppose he hopes it won’t happen with you maybe?

The reality is most men that know they have a pmo addiction are not going to be honest with the women that date or marry about it. You and I agree that they should and it’s wrong. If you take a look at my posts you will see I but heads on the regular with addicts who refuse to tell the women they are dating but most refuse.

Sex is a huge part of most relationships. People discount that. It’s the one thing that distinguishes friends from husbands. If the sex is bad the relationship is unlikely to survive. And while people can improve if they are “bad” and open to change some things can’t be fixed. I gave my ex a reasonable period of time to fix things and then realized staying with him would mean I would never have a normal sex life and I would be unhappy. Is DE or ED the only factor for me yes it can be. Unless you are marrying a woman who has no desire to have sex or maybe you have a couple in their 70s you are going to be hard pressed to find a woman who would marry a man knowing he could not perform in bed. And while it would be lovely if Everyone were honest they are not. Being with a man who can’t perform sexually is miserable. It kills the woman’s self esteem in addition to causing other emotional issues.

If you are married you are stuck. You want to know before you get stuck. If he develops ED during the marriage that’s different depending on the cause. But very few women are going to marry a man who can’t perform in bed or satisfy her. What each woman desires is different. But if he can’t provide that she’s not likely to marry. I would say the exact same thing if the genders were reversed.

 

I agree as a fellow woman that it is hard to not find guys just looking for sex. But a Christian man who is saving himself for marriage is totally different than a man who has PIED and is “saving” himself so she does not realize he has it before they marry or because he’s unable to have sex. Just be careful out there.

 

leah88, what makes you feel that these guys you've interacted with on online dating sites aren't interested in values or character?

 

I'm not referencing to the conversation regarding the women who had to leave her partner x

 

Because they don't carry on conversations regarding those attributes when it is initiated X

 

Neither am I. What I’m saying to you is that if you meet a man who is saving himself for marriage know that it may not be because he’d a Christian or moral. It may be because he’s addicted to pmo and knows he’s unlikely to perform in bed well and if he has sex pre marriage she will know that and leave him. If he waits till after marriage she’s more likely to stay as she’s committed now to a man who can’t have sex with her and is addicted to P. Plenty of men on this forum did exactly that to their spouses.

 

I agree honesty is best, but with addicts it’s very rare. Again just read around on here about the addicts refusing to tell their fiancés, partners people they are dating. I also agree that you are dating the wrong person, but how would you know that? You can’t. Then poof you are married and stuck.

 

Virtues are more than just no sex.

 

I would have never been able to wait until marriage... I wanted to have sex when I was 15 but never did until age 17. I don't really like the idea due to the fact that sometimes people might rush into marriage for that reason. I would rather have sex with someone before I marry them so my sexual attraction for them isn't clouding my judgement. Waiting to have sex with someone you care about is good enough for me, my GF was a virgin and fell in love with me and then we had sex. Just my opinion, to each their own.

 

thank you for your post, i feel you understood the reasons of why i posted i am familiar with questions of faith quite considerably
I understand now this thread is now more attuned possibly to debate, im happy in the differences of view that make us unique. We can only express what is true to us individually, im happy you have found clarity on what that is for you.
to correlate with you, amongst reviewing biblical text as bias to culture, tradition, and a plethora of other historical influences i agree it is best to personally review what is appropriate and reasonable to today.
that being said, in similar trait to yourself, i have seen the benefit of pre marital celibacy exemplified personally to me. It is not a popular choice, nor without external opinion of it being naive. But for me it does hold a value which i believe holds enough reason to implement it into my life choices today and, to choose nofap.

I didn't post initially to partake of debate, but i see perhaps briefly adding in a snapshot of my view may add to the conversation

blessings x