So when masturbating I say things and wonder “Why did I say that?” & reading about the Freudian slip and wondering is this what I really want and am, or is it my addicted mind playing tricks on me to keep looking at porn to keep seeing if it is and keep escalating. As it is causing me a concern as not sure what it really means, adding to MY paranoia and HOCD.
I've done this in the past as well. I never saw it as a Freudian slip. Or even questioned why I said what I said to myself in those times. But I imagine that self-talk and fantasy are closely related. In the past, I never worried about what I said to myself while watching porn even if it was weird. The weirder the better actually. Anything to get a bigger rush. I'd like to say don't worry and that actions speak louder than words. But still, I get where you're going. It's worrisome to think about your thoughts as evidence of some true nature. If you're still active, I'd like to know how you've been dealing. Or what your feeling on HOCD is now. I've been struggling since the beginning of 2020.
Oh and furthermore @BillyBobBoBoBo throughout the course of the day, I may say a hundred things to myself. I can't really keep my brain quiet. And not sexual things. Sometimes violent, sometimes funny, many stupid, and almost all of the sentences I form in my head are not things I would do in real life.
@SlimTeleGuy Thanks for the reply, wasn't expecting from this post, but appreciate it. Yeah I agree with what you say & I've calmed down about the whole issue on what I say and hocd, as accepting you going to get random thoughts and thoughts you don't like, so better to let th through instead of fighting them. Though at times I do struggle to keep the mentality with some thoughts, but still it's just to accept that you get them & not dwell on it too much & let ot flow though.
