Scapegoat for 90 Day Frustrations

Discussion in 'Partner Support' started by Vixen, Nov 12, 2018.

  1. Vixen

    Vixen Fapstronaut

    Here I was thinking we had a very nice weekend during which we did several key things my husband wanted to do and had fun, were intermittently affectionate, good talks, no drama.

    But now he’s having a pity party for not being able to have release because of the 90 days goal which “has no scientific basis” he says. He was in agreement at first but now says it’s my fault. That I want him to stick to this arbitrary number. How dare he.

    And this is after I put behind me the fact that he now says his recovery does include the tools I asked of him to help restore trust. He’s so selfish. I don’t want to be a part of this tantrum pity party so now I’m on the couch.
    kropo82 and anewhope like this.
  2. 0111zerozero11

    0111zerozero11 Fapstronaut

    You sound like me, 2 months ago.

    I found myself in a modern-day The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost; which path do I choose?

    Sending my best :)
    kropo82 likes this.
  3. Vixen

    Vixen Fapstronaut

    So what did you do and how did it turn out?
  4. 0111zerozero11

    0111zerozero11 Fapstronaut

    Our dday was beginning of July. The 1st month was everything I ever wanted in a husband....& then he started seeing a CSAT that put the final nail in the coffin of our marriage.
    His CSAT had co-dependent tunnel vision & had him convinced I was just as much to blame for the problems in our marriage as him, which is absurd, to say the least. As soon as his therapist threw out the 'your wife has issues, too' line, he ran with it. She fed his excuses, he stopped journaling, he wouldn't get an AP or attend recovery meetings, & his manipulation/gaslighting/blame-shifting was starting to get worse than ever. He had no empathy or patience for his traumatized wife.
    Because of what I found on dday & the lack of effort/caring on his part, I made boundaries & stuck to them.
    I filed for divorce last week, along with a temporary restraining order. I had no other choice. My state doesn't recognize legal separation, which complicated things. He wouldn't leave the home for a period of time to allow me a safe environment to heal; he was an absolute asshole to be around. He for real told me, that the kids & I needed to find somewhere to stay if my environment wasn't safe to heal.
    Last week, as my children & I were forced to go stay at my dying mothers house, I decided enough was enough. If my husband could do all of these wretched things to me our entire marriage & not at least try to be a better human, I wasn't going to subject my kids to that kind of upbringing.
    If I didn't have kids or if my kids were older, I might have put up with it. However, they are toddlers; they need positive role models. Not a dad that treats mom like shit. Not a dad that ignores them because he's selfish. Certainly not a dad that runs away from problems.
    Ultimately, it came down to not wanting my kids to ever behave like him.

    It's the hardest thing I've ever done. I will never have closure. I couldn't even get a full disclosure out of him. I'm most likely all over the internet due to him & will forever be looking over my shoulder.

    I just keep going for the kids....
    It's only the beginning, but goddamn, is it tough. I wouldn't wish this on anyone.
    SodaSuds likes this.
  5. 0111zerozero11

    0111zerozero11 Fapstronaut

    Afterthought; he was stealing the precious time I have left with the only cheerleader in my life, my mom. I will not let anything, even my husbands addiction, come between the little time her & I have left together.
    My situation is rare, indeed.
  6. 0111zerozero11

    0111zerozero11 Fapstronaut

    You're correct! I was already starting to resent it & recognized how detrimental this was going to be to my future healing....
    Thx ghost :)
    Jennica likes this.

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