Scared of becoming Incel

I would suggest getting rid of the dating apps for awhile. Look inward. It will work with more time.

 

Maybe try talking to someone? I also agree with jobokid about Tinder. If you want a relationship it's best to your best self otherwise you could sabotage yourself and end up feeling even worse. Also try and spend your time on activities that will build your self esteem such as exercise and activities you enjoy, being around people you like would probably be good. All the best.

 

I honestly hate the proliferation of the word "incel". Its become a meaningless buzzword for people to use when they have no argument or valid point to make. Being attracted to women and being lonely doesnt make you an incel, neither does feeling negative emotions.

With that said, what I would recommend is a change of perspective. Its cliche to say but its true; its better to focus on yourself and your own life rather than pining after a relationship, I'm a single virgin who and couldn't give a shit, it used to bother me and make me depressed and now I dont care. How did I manage this? By realising that being in a relationship wouldn't necessarily make me happy and that true fulfilment comes from within. I'm sure there are things you can do to achieve the same fulfilment. Dont rely on others to make you feel like your life is worth living, this is an inherently fragile and dangerous mindset to have.

Also, to echo what others have said, dating apps are a waste of time in my opinion, they do nothing but make you feel worse about yourself and the time spent on them could be spent bettering yourself in real life.

 

Sounds like perhaps you need to take some time to enjoy being alone, especially if the relationship was abusive and lasted that long. I'm obviously not fully getting the context here but your friends calling you an incel seems like a bit of an asshole thing to do, especially given the nature of your previous GF.

 

Its not worth being friends with assholes, I speak from experience. Loneliness is preferable to being the one in the group everyone makes fun of, or the "odd one out" of the group. One genuine friend is worth 5 asshole "friends".

 

Incel is a lifestyle, being a virgin and an incel are two different things. Incel blame the outside world for their problems, a lot of them do not take responsibility for themselves.

 

Does it make one an incel if you don’t hate the outside but hate yourself? I hate myself because I’m not what women want

 

What do you dislike about yourself ? Is it something you change ? Sometimes genetics or something out of our control gives a shitty hand, if that's the case you have to accept the hand you've been dealt and move on with life. If it's something you change, that's one thing you can improve on yourself.

 

Dating apps literally bring out the worst in people. I agree with everyone who already said this: Get off those corrosive dating apps immediately. They only hurt you.

My previous relationship was also an abusive one. Trust me, I get it man! It can make you feel so small and worthless that it seems near impossible to get back up. Especially when you’re thoroughly convinced (by the abuser) that YOU are the problem. But you gotta realize WHY you’re feeling that way. You already have a sense that your abusive relationship contributed to how you’re currently feeling, and that’s very progressive to recognize that.

Btw, asshole friends..... are abusive as well. Snarky banter in good fun is always nice between friends. But there is a line that real friends shouldn’t cross. If you find that your friends are making you feel like shit, and you’re not comfortable communicating that fact to them, then they are not friends at all. They are bullies. And you have the power to decide if they are even worth your energy. Look at it this way: You’ve met people, and you’ve been in at least one relationship. So who says you can’t do that again? Meet new friends, meet another girl. You’ve done it before, right? These “friends” and that “relationship” don’t seem like a good fit. And that’s okay! No need to get it right the first time. Forgive yourself and try again. Opportunities are always there. And when you work on yourself, you’ll feel better about yourself. You know when people describe a man who’s the “life of the party?” You know why? Because that man has a life OUTSIDE of that party. Work on yourself, love yourself, and you will attract the love of others.

 

Self improvement is EVERYTHING bro. Take a year and FORGET women.

Gym
Study
Write
Meditate
Give up all crap

• Social media
• Wanking
• Porn
• Flirting
• Junk food
• Laziness
• Resentment
• Video games
• Alcohol
• Whatever

 

It is women that want you to believe your life should revolve around them. Your development as a free willed man under your own control is more important.

 

Boom! Truth bomb here.

 

You are not alone in this battle warrior. The first days are harder but its where u must try harder! For now dont go on dating apps nor social media if possible. I suggest u to create a to do list and follow it with discipline. Eat healthy food, exercise, read and study, focus on ur job and meditate if possible. Get busy so u dont have time to feel bad about urself and after you reach at least 30 days you can tell you'll feel much better. Just endure brother, be strong you will have your day!

 

I am a married man , believe me when I say being in a relationship with a woman does not automatically bring happiness and sex.
Happiness comes from within.