Scared of having sex

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by bigwillyman69, Jul 19, 2020.

  1. bigwillyman69

    bigwillyman69 New Fapstronaut

    Hi, this is actually my first post ever here.
    So there is this girl that i really like, and even though she isn't my gf we probably will have sex sooner or later. The thing is that i had sexual intercourse with 3 other girls in my life and all those experiences led to me not being able to have a decent erection (sometimes no erection at all).
    This is I think because of stress, I can't have a erection because i'm scared of having sex and I'm not having sex because i'm scared of not having an erection, you see the problem right ?
    But this is also because of my porn addiction, I know it, these last years i've been watching more and more questionnable porn and i've been aware that this is a problem only like a year ago but the damage has been done to my brain.
    I nofap every once in a while but when I do I conceed to my addiction in like 1 week into the NoFap. My best streak was 21 days last year. I'm currently NoFap, day 5 (wish me good luck).
    The thing is that i talked to the girl about my erectile problems and she's super comprehenive which is great but still, i really don't want to fuck it all up by not being able to lift my penis up.
    I wondered if any of you guys has a similar story, some tips and everything ? Thanks for your time boys (and girls).
    Chris_Cactusblossom likes this.
  2. p1n1983

    p1n1983 Fapstronaut

    1st and most important. Keep your problem to yourself, at most tell them to your closest friends or family. Never told them to a girl you like, she can be super comprehensive about it but at the same time is a super turn off for her. Only share this heavy stuff maybe to your wife or a couple of years girlfriend.
    Is like applying for a job and in the interview tell them that you usually can't get out of bed easily so you are probably going to be late at work repetitively.

    Keep up with nofap, and try to have sex when you feel you are confident to have an erection, i think that 1 month of nofap could be a good moment. In the meantime, if she wants to have sex, just tell her that you are not ready yet. If she stick with you then great, if not let her go. Don't have sex with her just to not get dump, if she is as comprehensive as you think she is going to be ok with waiting.

    Another thing from a physiologic point of view, if you say no to her to have sex she is not going to be used to get rejected from the boy she is hanging up. That is going to set you apart from the rest and is going to make her want you even more. Is probably that she is going to force you to have sex at all cost, she could maybe take it as a personal challenge. Girls loves a man who is a challenge. Stick to your guns and only have sex when you think you are ready. Good luck!
    Chris_Cactusblossom likes this.
  3. Le 17

    Le 17 Fapstronaut

    Just chill and stay away from porn.
  4. Deysonn

    Deysonn Fapstronaut

    From my experience the key thing here is to stop with the PMO. As long as you stay consistent your natural sex drive will return. As noted by another this could be as short as one month but it could also be longer depending on how intense you porn use is.

    If you stay clean and continue to engage with the girl, you will know when you are ready. Because your erection will occur from just being with her. A hug or a kiss will be enough to get your blood flowing. And this will improve the as time goes by. Chances are you may surprise yourself.

    Most guys will have a flat-line where you loose all interest in sex at some point. This seems like a normal occurrence also, I find it best to embrace the flat-line, a lot of healing occurs during this time. And you feel a lot better at the end. However while you may not be aiming for intercourse, don't avoid sensual contact because you are not ready for sex. I find being around a female you care for, and hugging, cuddling, kissing etc. allows you to adjust back to normal sexual stimulation.

    Also, I would stay away from masturbation even if you feel to with out the aid of porn. I find this leads you back to porn. And secondly your hand desensitizes you to the feel of a vagina. Your hand is course by comparison to the inside of a vagina. This can also lead to reduced stimulation during intercourse.

    If you stick to no PMO, you will be moving towards a normal and healthy sex life. Good Luck bro!!

    I kick myself when I relapse because it is a set back but I also recognize all the good that occurred during the time I was porn free and this is motivation to continue my Journey. The key is to never give up and to adjust so you do better and better all the time. Longer and Longer streaks until you are simply porn free.
    PeterNF.01 and Le 17 like this.
  5. HolyVirgin420

    HolyVirgin420 Fapstronaut

    I haven't visited this website in two years and and today I decided to swing by just to see how the community is doing. What you've said ^ above had me spend 15 minutes just to remember my account password, all so I could share my story with you. Dude, I've been in your shoes.

    I've spent my entire college career as a virgin (hence the username lol), even though I hooked up with multiple chicks (7 maybe?), all because of porn induced ED. It was always the same story, I date a chick, bring her back to my place, get ED, then apologize and send her home. It absolutely destroyed my confidence, and built a negative feedback loop where I couldn't have sex because of ED and I couldn't get an erection because I was afraid of sex. The problem has gotten even bigger than with just PMO alone. I even pushed away girls who were obviously into me because of this problem. In short, 5 years of fun was wasted lol ...

    Many folks in this forum won't agree with how I fixed my ED, and I am not saying this is the most natural way of fixing this problem. But it worked for me, and it was relatively easy and saved me much misery and embarrassing moments. Here's how you can approach it:

    1- Build up a nice streak with NoFap, anything will help, just stay away from PMO. You need to rewire your brain to crave real women again, and your dick needs to regain sensitivity from all the beating you've been doing.
    2- Get Vitamin V (Website won't allow me to state the drug name) - This was the KEY for me. Experiment with the drug before actually using it for sex. Just pop a tab, then go run some errands, notice if it has any effects on your random erections, or see if you can get an erection when thinking about your girl. If you're dick is working just from thinking about her (and thinking about sex with her), then good. if not, don't sweat it.
    3- Take a tab 30 minutes before sex, and go to town. My ED problem was solved on the first try, but I couldn't finish the first few times I had sex. It took about 10-20 tries before I finally got myself to come.
    4- Give it some time, get comfortable with your performance, your sexuality and your girl, then start reducing the dosage. Take a half tab then a quarter.. until you stop needing to use it.

    This what finally got my sex life going. I've also found it helpful to adopt the mindset of always seeking to please my partner, and not focus on my own satisfaction, it made me selfless and much better in bed. I've also used that initial desensitization to my advantage to last longer in bed, and really focus on the girl I'm with since I know that I won't be coming anyway.

    Best of luck with your lady my guy. And be responsible with any medication you decide to take. I'll be online for a few days in case you got any questions :)

    Edit: Spelling and grammer
    Last edited: Jul 30, 2020
    VFLDylanE likes this.

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