Scared to let go of Porn, it's the last thing I have to let go of...

The whole ‘wait until a gf comes along’ is a bit cliche but it’s so true. When you find someone great you will just know. And that’s when the sex is great. So just wait it out! In the meantime don’t be too reliant on porn, because that can be detrimental to any relationship.

 

Listen man, porn was never a medication. It was a cruch that made you feel temporarily better but if you want to really feel good, you have to make a positjve change to your life. Work is a great start. Focus on things you want to change. Write them down and keep them to heart.

 

That's exactly. Im only finishg day 5 (in bed atm) but every day without PMO is a victory.

 

Each time you write 'porn was there for me' think... 'porn contributed to this'

 

It's true what you say, find someone that accepts you for who you are. This means accepting that you may be a little nervous about sex at first, but that's natural... Everyone (or almost) was nervous their first time, or didn't know exactly how or what to do... This doesn't mean that it will be like this forever, after a few times you get the hang of it, and a girl that likes you and is understanding will know and understand this. Anyways if you're looking for someone to stay with, the first time is not the most important, people who want to be together think on the long run... It's useless if the guy is good on sex but is douchebag, cheater, can't handle a relationship, etc. It's not so hard to learn how to make people have pleasure, or how to go about sex, how to release your sexuality and your sexual energy when you have the opportunity to do it and are willing to try. Changing someone's personality, that's much harder...
And sooner or later the one who likes you for who you are will turn up, it often happens when we least expect it... As you said, life funny ways of making things happen... And when it has to happen, it does.
I had a story a bit similar to yours with a girl that I had a real crush with and she just crushed my heart every time and humiliated me. One day I just decided to put a stop on it and never talked to her again... One fo the best choices I ever made. I was always the one guy which girls are never interested in among my friends. Then one day when I least expected it just happened that the cutest girl I had ever met fell blindly for me. For who I was and not for who she or anyone else wanted me to be, and I think that the fact that I was... 'different' from other guys was the reason why she liked me so much.
One of these days you are gonna meet someone that will like you for who you really are, and that's the best thing there is. Be yourself and stay true to yourself, there's already way too many guys out there being like everyone/society expect them to be. Which doesn't mean that you shouldn't try to improve yourself or change habits/lifestyle/philosophies, etc. if you want to, but always staying true to your heart and to who you are and who you really want to be.

 

It's really cool that you're willing to share your story like that, man. I'm glad you can see some of the roots of your porn addiction. It definitely served its purpose in your life. It was there when you were facing loneliness and rejection, which is pretty common.

Just remember that true strength comes from letting go. If you're in the water and there are waves throwing your body about, you won't get any stronger by holding on to a rock. You'll get stronger by swimming in the waves and learning to flow with them rather than fight against them.

I also second the opinions about waiting to find a nice girlfriend for sex. It sounds cliche, but it's worth waiting to find someone who really cares about you. Sex is special, and it's so much more than physical stimulation. If you're looking for a girlfriend, my advice is to just stop looking for one, as counter-intuitive as that sounds. Instead, look within. Look at who you are and what kind of person you want to be. Then, make yourself that person. Focus on doing things you love, and, if possible, try doing them with other people. Maybe one day you will run into a girl who likes you for the things you love doing and for the person you've made yourself to be, but I can almost guarantee that she'll show up when you least expect it.

 

If you think about it, it's not really possible to live in any moment other than the present. There aren't people who don't live in the present, only people who are so distracted that they don't even notice what's going on around them.

My advice is to just focus on things you love doing. Relationships can be beautiful, but they also have a tendency to make some aspects of your life more complicated. One day, you may look back at the times you're going through right now and have fond memories of the blank canvas that is your life. Just don't delude yourself into thinking that a relationship will bring positivity or balance into your life. A relationship will only bring you those things if you put those things into it. I'll quote the Beatles:

 

I think it's great that you are questioning your relationship with porn at your age and have an ideal to aspire to. When i was 21 I did have a girlfriend but we weren't 'in love' so to speak but i was also into porn back then too. i realised throughout the years and especially after i broke up with my one and only girlfriend, online porn became a crutch for me emotionally and it didn't end well in the long run. Today i'm over 3 years sober from porn, drugs and alcohol but it's been 12 years since i've been intimate with another girl ...not even a kiss or a hug, i spent sooo long stuck in the negative spiral of pornography that my social skills with women suffered tremendously and that affected my self esteem.

Porn sets expectations that in the vast majority of people are un attainable. It's also difficult to transition from being a porn fueled loner to a sociable ladies man and the longer someone spends being fixated on porn the more difficult it gets to grow out of that mindset. I give you a lot of respect for having the courage to ask out your crush despite being rejected, however you aren't the only man to be rejected by someone they have feelings towards. I think it's important to understand the lessons around this, like how you felt, what actions you took to deal with it? did you speak to someone about it? did you bottle it up? etc

Hopefully you wont be rejected again but i think it's important to accept that it's a part of life and we can't always have what we want. My mistake was that i gave up trying, don't make the same mistake and you will find someone.

 

Do read this.
It got me through some strong urges.
http://husbandhelphaven.com/porn-addiction-withdrawal-walkthrough/