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Scheduling "Events" to Regain Control

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by q2q, Feb 21, 2014.

  1. q2q

    q2q Fapstronaut

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    Hey Fapstronauts. I've learned something from working with a psychologist that specializes in PMO addiction, thought I should share.

    Up front I should say that I am in my late 30's, married with children, and have been dealing with sexual addiction since age 12. This is a deep rooted issue that stemmed from a lot of emotional abuse as a child. So, my needs for recovery may be different that yours.

    Now, that said...

    Part of the issue with Internet Porn addiction is the "forbidden" nature of it. Regardless of your personal beliefs, internet PMO has more attraction because, in all reality you should be doing something else like work, sleep, spending time with friends. The more forbidden, the more attractive it is, particularly to the Male psyche.

    So, the strategy he's given me is this: rather than saying "I'll never do it again" (which your brain will fight viciously), tell yourself, this is when I'm going to have a PMO event. Schedule them in your calendar, gradually increasing the time between events.

    I've been testing this "control schedule" and the result?

    • The attraction of Internet PMO drops drastically
    • I feel more hope, because I see progress
    • I feel confidence, because it's a bite sized target I can accomplish
    • I feel less stress, because I'm not constantly at war with myself.

    In fact, I've now had several instances where the scheduled event comes up and I'm ANNOYED because I'd rather be doing something else more constructive.
     
  2. CrazyGopher

    CrazyGopher Fapstronaut

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    There was an interesting thread over on YBR last year where we discussed this kind of approach. Another point that came up a lot was using technology to help reduce the chance of having a willpower failure in between the scheduled periods.

    Anyway, I thought you might find it interesting.
     
  3. q2q

    q2q Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for the share. That said, that kind of over-analysis made my head spin.

    I'm less interested in playing games to overcome, and more in actually making consistent progress over time. In short, the more simple the solution, the more likely it is to work.
     
  4. q2q

    q2q Fapstronaut

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    One week in, and I can say this technique works very well. I call this a "PMO Budget"... and the idea is to come in under or at least no greater than the budget. Then reduce by one each week.

    Don't over-think it, just test it and see if it works for you.

    For the next week, look at your calendar and see when you think you're likely to have PMO events. Then SCHEDULE them. Give yourself permission. It sounds odd, but at least for the psychological makeup of most males, permission reduces attraction.

    Test it. Then pay close attention to your emotions and physiology. If you're like me, you'll find that:

    1) You can go longer without, because all you have to to is make it to the next scheduled event and then
    2) When the time arrives, suddenly it's not that big of a deal. Why? Because you're supposed to do it.
    3) ...and, like me, you may find yourself skipping scheduled PMO events, because now they don't seem so attractive.

    This week, I'm cutting back the "PMO Budget" by one. Next week, one more, and so on.

    Again, it may not work for you, but if you're still struggling, it's worth an experiment.
     
  5. Loren

    Loren Guest

    This is too triggering for people. I am so sorry. I deleted the post.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 19, 2014
  6. Interesting read.
    Does this not go against that saying "1 is to much and a thousands not enough" or whatever. I know that my brain is very addictive.. I am an addict to my core. If I do cocaine, I will do more.. If I pmo, I will do more. There is no modertion for my brain. Interesting way to think about it though, I wish I could do that but for myself it would just be justification.
     
  7. q2q

    q2q Fapstronaut

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    Don't analyze it. Test it. There's no proof like being your own scientist.
     
  8. q2q

    q2q Fapstronaut

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    I should add that I completely understand this feeling, CP. That's why I'm especially surprised at how well this tactic has worked for me. It could be that sometimes it's not the action itself that's addictive, but violating the forbidden nature of it that is.

    Again, just test it. If it doesn't work for you, then move on.
     
  9. AnythingIsPossible

    AnythingIsPossible Fapstronaut

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    It's interesting, the problem is trying and it not working would be a massive blow to any current progress I've made :( That said, there's nothing my mind wants more than to try it because I know it'll give me the release I want so much!
     
  10. I understand what you mean. I'm just loving these results so much I don't want to risk it either.
     
  11. q2q

    q2q Fapstronaut

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    Yeah man if what you'd doing is working, then definitely keep doing whatever you're doing!

    My perspective is coming from someone who had tried literally EVERYTHING. I've been fighting this battle since I was 14. That's 25 years. This is the one thing I've found that actually gives me a sense of progress.

    My guess is that most people respond to "milder" forms of treatment. I've got some deep seated psychological issues stemming from both family history and emotional abuse growing up, so cold turkey methods in the past have been actually destructive and demoralizing for me.
     

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