I'm not going to continue this pathetic charade, I've been a lazy loser my whole life, always seeking the easy way out, putting down others who have even a glimmer of hope out of jealousy and hatred, but no more. it's time i finally put some effort in, pmo may have gotten a hold of me as a child, but this won't be enough, I'll be better, this is another horrible challenge that's disguised as a gift, this pain, this hardship will make me stronger. my mindset is filled with negativity, i don't remember a day where it wasn't attacking my mind, it's time to change, always focusing on what i cant do or how worthless i am in this world. my father was abusive, a fool who couldn't control his own impulses by having four children, never had the intelligence to realise the psycho he had them with, he's a failure who took out his shortcomings on us, I'll improve myself and strengthen my mind, even if it's mostly by myself, i have no choice now, I've been running away all my life, from pain, worry doubt, i refuse to be like my father, i won't let him put me down anymore, what i do next is for me and me alone. i will see just how far i can go in the gym, I've been hiding from reality, numbing myself with drugs to hide even further, ignoring opportunities, jobs and help. I'm going to be better than a lowly fapper, pmo can go to hell, it's just a pale imitation.