Second day Hard Mode Rebooting, feeling absolutely GUCCI

Hey guys,

I just joined this community yesterday, but my feelings of taking this rebooting challenge are enormous and I feel like I should write something about it.

Basically, I am a college student who was struggling with almost every aspect of my life before I took this NoFap challenge. I had been living high-key before I entered college and was very passionate, diligent, and committed to living a good life I wanted.

I am not bragging anything, but I did mad amazingly in high school. I have been dreaming of being a physicist since I was young, and I kept grinding on every angle of my life just wanting to make my physics dream possible. As a result, I did make it to a prestigious college to really pursue my dream, but I never ever expected it to be the moment when things began to fall apart.

When I left my parents and moved into my single dorm, for the first time in my life, I sensed the feeling of being absolutely free. That particular night, I watched porno all night and jerked off many times. The exact ejaculation count I cannot remember, but it was a lot, the you-need-a-whole-week-to-recover-from-it a lot.

Until recently, I finally realized and got to admit this simple fact: that was the day my life turned from light to dark.

I am Chinese and took highschool in Shanghai. International students like me mostly use VPN to do stuff, but not for watching porn, because VPN is not built for that, it's fucking slow. I did jerk off sometimes in high school, not through porno but by standing in front of the poster of my favorite Asian actress. I didn't always have an urge to masturbate because of my age, and the fact that it is always the same person so it gradually got dry. Under all these circumstances, I jerked off very few times. I didn't jerk off unless I was under some sorta unbearable stress. I wouldn't call it an addiction, and whatever it was, it was from any aspect irrelevant to pornography. Life was simple.

When my college began, there was an outburst of stress from almost everything. There was an infinite amount of career information, about research opportunities, clubs, fraternities, you name it. I was totally lost. I couldn't find the center of my life, I couldn't put stuff together and really make anything. I even did poorly on my major courses, which were what I had been preparing for so many years in school. How I resolved all this stress and pressure? I jerked off. I jerked off whenever I felt I needed a release from all the course work and stuff. I wanted to get rid of all those trash feelings. I wanted freedom. Yes, masturbation has some magic for sure. It did help me to relax, to feel super amazing, to forget about all the pain and ass feelings, BUT TEMPORARILY ALMOST LIKE A FLASH. If you call it magic, that magic feeling could only last for an infinitesimal short amount of time. Once before I even put my pants on after masturbation, I received an email saying I got a C in my physics final, then I suddenly cried. I cried without my pants on, and the smell of semens was suffocating me. I still couldn't figure out any practical change I could make at that moment to lead a better life and get back on trach, but something I did realize around that time was that: MASTURBATION IS NEVER THE SOLUTION, Period.

It took me fucking two years to just figure out masturbation is NOT A GOOD THING for me.

Sadly, I didn't realize it's negativity still. Instead, I tried other ways to cope with the difficulties in my life. I have been trying many ways to mentally rescue my poor performance in college and life, and more importantly, my weak mind. I took a philosophy course and tried to practice stoicism. Seriously stoicism is all that it's all about. But I failed. I couldn't really stick to its suggestions. I went to church on Sunday, never got baptized, but did self identify as being Christian. However, cannot put my life together still.

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At the end of the day, someday during the fucking quarantine period, I watched a youtube video talking about all the bad things related to PMO, and by chance got to know the existence of the NoFap community. Today, I am yelling a fucking yeah at night in front of my mirror and purely feeling amazing. It is not any magic pill. It is just how I finally realized the fact that porno is drug. It's addicted. It has bad impact on my brain. It deviates me from my major focus in life. There are scientific rationales for all these facts. Therefore, I should treat it as a drug, and leave it forever. It's simple like this.

The reason why it took me so long to ever figure it out is that Porno has already been penetrating my life, and also yours. There would be nobody judging you for watching porn because it's fcking normal. It has certain benefits to many of our human population, but it's bad for me. It definitely benefits those who work for the porno industry and average adults around 50, 40, who pretty much satisfied with their life and all. For those who married, had 2 or 3 kids, earned a steady salary, and were not deep in loans, I feel you, you may probably need the pornos. BUT IT'S NOT FOR ME. PORNO IS DRUG TO ME. and if you are like me who has a second level of volition which is to chase some unfulfilled dreams or passion, who still wants to make something happen that is very crucial to your life and that you really really want to achieve, for some reasons still haven't, it's very likely because of the fact that you are relying on watching pornos and jerking off to escape from your life when you actually have to face any obstacle, JOIN NOFAP. Don't just stop yourself from making a breakthrough in your life, make it come true. Stop indulging yourself in the temporary illusion that porn-induced orgasm gave you. Left it to be the history.

If porn is worsening your life in a similar situation like mine. Do consider the NoFap challenge. It is totally worth it. I am all in it rn. Change, JOIN NOFAP, and make a better life.