I'm 51. Not had many long, successful or fulfilling relationships in the past, but met a great woman and it all became serious about six months ago. I work abroad, on a different continent from her, and was due to go home for three weeks in April. So we planned to have a weekend in bed.
It was great, except for my DE. This, I now realise, had been a problem for me in previous intimate relationships. For that session, and a couple of other tries, I couldn't ejaculate. I was trying hard. So was she. But nothing doing. I did it manually to neither of our satisfaction. After that, I was back at my foreign work for a month and then due to be back home at the beginning of June.
In the interim, I realised something had to change. After some internet search, I came across a version of the nofap message, and it seemed like a good idea, so I started trying it immediately.
After about 9 days of no PMO, going it alone, I thought I was going mad. I'd got out of the habit of using my phone for porn, and put on SafeSearch and other delaying tactics, but my own mind was the "threat". I couldn't stop fantasising. Over the years, particularly the last 10 where I've been living alone, I'd developed some vivid extended fantasies based on some of the more graphic stuff I'd viewed online, and it was pestering me at any moment my brain wasn't engaged in something else. Finding nofap helped calm me and counsel me.
But I kept going - 9, 12, 14, 21, 30 days. At times my abdomen ached and I felt like I could barely stand up straight. I did a lot of exercise and tried to keep active. I messaged my girlfriend about what I was doing and she agreed it was a good idea.
Back home again in June, after a month of nofap, our first attempt was poor. I'd had a few drinks beforehand, and that didn't help. But I was unhappy afterwards and I knew she was. But I'd booked a salsa class the next night, which she was pleased with, and it was good fun, although my blue balls were practically visible.
After a second salsa session, we tried again (I was sober and not hungover) and I managed to ejaculate perfectly. We were both so happy. And we managed two more intimate sessions after that, both of which worked out to the same successful conclusion.
Funnily, the salsa really helped. She's Latin American; I'm Celtic - the session enabled me to actually confront my reserve, my tendency to treat women as objects and keep them distant. It was pure foreplay.
Unfortunately, before returning to work, I had a five-day lads trip, involving a lot of alcohol and male bonding. I could feel my brain reverting to its fap state - fantasies, objectifying women, and a yearning for porn.
Arriving back in my foreign workplace last week, I relapsed three times to porn on my mobile phone. But then I resolved to try again. I've got six months before my next home visit, so time to do 90 days twice, although I'd be happy if it's just once. I now know about nofap and can use its resources and your support to push on to an effective reboot, I hope.
I got some interesting feedback from my girlfriend. In the first few (failed) attempts at sex, she said that she could actually feel that at a particular moment it seemed like I mentally "switched off". Actually, I think that was the moment I was trying to channel the porn images from my brain to coax me on, trying to imagine her in some situation rather than just accepting her presence.
After our last successful lovemaking, she was aware that it hadn't been as good as the previous two. I knew that it was because of the alcohol and the alcohol-induced fantasising, especially during hangover. She tapped my forehead and said: "Concentrate".
She has a point. The porn is a massive distraction from reality and the generous love of an amazing woman. It's even in my brain distracting me from the inside. But I'm going to fight it.
Four days now, and counting...
It was great, except for my DE. This, I now realise, had been a problem for me in previous intimate relationships. For that session, and a couple of other tries, I couldn't ejaculate. I was trying hard. So was she. But nothing doing. I did it manually to neither of our satisfaction. After that, I was back at my foreign work for a month and then due to be back home at the beginning of June.
In the interim, I realised something had to change. After some internet search, I came across a version of the nofap message, and it seemed like a good idea, so I started trying it immediately.
After about 9 days of no PMO, going it alone, I thought I was going mad. I'd got out of the habit of using my phone for porn, and put on SafeSearch and other delaying tactics, but my own mind was the "threat". I couldn't stop fantasising. Over the years, particularly the last 10 where I've been living alone, I'd developed some vivid extended fantasies based on some of the more graphic stuff I'd viewed online, and it was pestering me at any moment my brain wasn't engaged in something else. Finding nofap helped calm me and counsel me.
But I kept going - 9, 12, 14, 21, 30 days. At times my abdomen ached and I felt like I could barely stand up straight. I did a lot of exercise and tried to keep active. I messaged my girlfriend about what I was doing and she agreed it was a good idea.
Back home again in June, after a month of nofap, our first attempt was poor. I'd had a few drinks beforehand, and that didn't help. But I was unhappy afterwards and I knew she was. But I'd booked a salsa class the next night, which she was pleased with, and it was good fun, although my blue balls were practically visible.
After a second salsa session, we tried again (I was sober and not hungover) and I managed to ejaculate perfectly. We were both so happy. And we managed two more intimate sessions after that, both of which worked out to the same successful conclusion.
Funnily, the salsa really helped. She's Latin American; I'm Celtic - the session enabled me to actually confront my reserve, my tendency to treat women as objects and keep them distant. It was pure foreplay.
Unfortunately, before returning to work, I had a five-day lads trip, involving a lot of alcohol and male bonding. I could feel my brain reverting to its fap state - fantasies, objectifying women, and a yearning for porn.
Arriving back in my foreign workplace last week, I relapsed three times to porn on my mobile phone. But then I resolved to try again. I've got six months before my next home visit, so time to do 90 days twice, although I'd be happy if it's just once. I now know about nofap and can use its resources and your support to push on to an effective reboot, I hope.
I got some interesting feedback from my girlfriend. In the first few (failed) attempts at sex, she said that she could actually feel that at a particular moment it seemed like I mentally "switched off". Actually, I think that was the moment I was trying to channel the porn images from my brain to coax me on, trying to imagine her in some situation rather than just accepting her presence.
After our last successful lovemaking, she was aware that it hadn't been as good as the previous two. I knew that it was because of the alcohol and the alcohol-induced fantasising, especially during hangover. She tapped my forehead and said: "Concentrate".
She has a point. The porn is a massive distraction from reality and the generous love of an amazing woman. It's even in my brain distracting me from the inside. But I'm going to fight it.
Four days now, and counting...