Secrets

[James Mattingly]

I went to an SAA meeting yesterday. The one thing that I found was that, when people were sharing, all of them were sharing some sort of shame, and most of them were explaining how it feels good to talk about that shame, to let it go, to speak it out loud. I wonder what role shame REALLY plays in my porn addiction, and if it is ruining my relationships. I guess it's like when I quit porn and I go through the withdrawal symptoms- I feel like I have to hide it from people. This gets stressful and exhausting. Maybe its the shame that I need to talk about. There is a dull, synthetic comfort in secrets. But it's simply unsustainable.

 

[ReadyToStop]

Shame plays a big part in the way PMO destroys our quality of life. There are different aspects of it. There exists the shame of the sexual content in the videos. Personally, I don't really dwell on that or feel that this in particular affects me. The real shame is the lying about the dependency to your loved ones. My wife is quietly aware that I would masturbate often and she assumes that I'm using online porn. We have a great sexual relationship so, unlike a lot of the SO's mentioned by men on noFap, she kind of doesn't mind. She thinks it's a way to supplement me. This sort of "arrangement" has quietly eaten at my self esteem and I'm looking forward to it ending.

 

[TheManDude]

Yes I felt that hidding my struggles would just hurt me so I talk to almost everyone I trust about it, even my parents know about my addiction, it's better to be honest with at least one person... the sense of relife it gives is amazing.

 

[ReadyToStop]

Yes I felt that hidding my struggles would just hurt me so I talk to almost everyone I trust about it, even my parents know about my addiction, it's better to be honest with at least one person... the sense of relife it gives is amazing.

Sounds like you have a great support group. Congrats!

 

[Deleted Account]

Secrets about these things wreck all sorts of havoc, especially if you are in a relationship. The SO needs to know.
They are also bad for you yourself. That is part of what makes a forum like this so important. You can say things and get them off your chest and possibly even get some advice or help.

 

[James Mattingly]

It's just hard to connect the shame in my addiction with the stress that I feel in my personal relationships when porn isn't even talked about. Maybe when I quit and I'm going through withdrawal symptoms- I feel like I can't explain them to people. But even after they stop- I am just so fuckin stressed. Particularly at work. Today was my first day on the job. It was hell. Everyone was nice. There was no big challenge. But it was hell. I was more anxious and more stressed than I have been in a long time. I don't know what to do.

 

[ReadyToStop]

It's just hard to connect the shame in my addiction with the stress that I feel in my personal relationships when porn isn't even talked about. Maybe when I quit and I'm going through withdrawal symptoms- I feel like I can't explain them to people. But even after they stop- I am just so fuckin stressed. Particularly at work. Today was my first day on the job. It was hell. Everyone was nice. There was no big challenge. But it was hell. I was more anxious and more stressed than I have been in a long time. I don't know what to do.

Hey @James Mattingly . One day at a time. Getting past addiction is tough. Doing it while starting a new job must be even more challenging. I hope you've managed to get through it, gotten some rest and taken on the next day. We're here for you.