Seeing myself as the girl in porn? WTF?

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Jreeze2015, Jul 29, 2016.

  1. Jreeze2015

    Jreeze2015 Fapstronaut

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    I've been watching porn since I was 12 years old. I'm 22 now. Been trying to quit for 3 years. Ever since I could remember I've only ever liked girls. When I jerked to porn I saw myself as the man banging the girl. I've only ever been attracted to girls and only ever had sex with girls. But now I've noticed I don't really know if I'm jerking to the girl being banged from her point of view or from the guys point of view? WTF is going on? I know I'm not gay because I don't find men attractive in real life nor can I ever see myself even kissing one.

    Is this some form of desensitization? Because that's the only thing I can think of? I'm freaked out and the question of wtf is going on with me keeps repeating over and over in my head. Has anyone else experienced this? I also notice after I have sex with a girl, my urges to watch porn increase tremendously and I usually wind up relapsing. Anyone have any input?
     
    kriss93 likes this.
  2. kriss93

    kriss93 Fapstronaut

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    Welcome to the club man... lots of us experiencing it.

    When you having sex with a girl, can you function "normally" or you have to think of being a girl to get aroused?
     
  3. Jreeze2015

    Jreeze2015 Fapstronaut

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    No I function completely normally. No thoughts of being a girl at all. I'm just so into her body. Do lots of foreplay and enjoy sex. That's why it's so difficult to understand. I'm scared I'm repressing some side of myself I never knew I had, but at the same time I'm not attracted to men. I don't feel any urge to kiss them, be with them in a romantic way, the way I feel about girls. It's only in porn where I become confused.
     
  4. MsPants

    MsPants Guest

    I am not an addict myself, but what I understand about this addiction is that your brain needs more extreme stimulation to achieve dopamine hits, called the Coolidge Affect (look it up on yourbrainonporn.com). If you read through all the threads on here, you will see that many others are conflicted by more and more extreme things that may conflict with their morals or their sexuality. Some are turned on by transgender porn and other things that they never thought they were interested in that previously, causing them to question their sexual preferences, like you are. It is caused by porn (most likely).

    As far as having sex with a woman and feeling the need to relapse, it is called the chaser effect. Your brain experiences a dopamine hit when you have sex and your addicted brain wants more, so you feel incredible urges to fulfill that. Be aware of the chaser effect so you can prepare yourself and continue in your reboot.
     
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  5. kriss93

    kriss93 Fapstronaut

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    Search or the thing called Autogynephilia. I think you have some kind porn-induced autogynephilia. Stay away from porn (completely) and even M (as much as you can) and you will see benefits for about a month!!
     
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  6. himmelstoss

    himmelstoss Fapstronaut

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    When Chris chan taped himself having sex with his blowup doll he imitated the positions of the women in porn
     
  7. Jreeze2015

    Jreeze2015 Fapstronaut

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    The thing is I don't actually picture myself as a woman, like my body as a woman, or being a woman, but more like receiving what the woman is receiving. What i meant by im so into her body is im so turned on by it meaning secually attractrd to it. I've seen too many penises going in and out of vaginas I guess. This whole shit is fucked up. I just need to quit porn
     
    kriss93 likes this.

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