Seeking advice - sexlife on flatline

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by netflixcebulak, May 24, 2021.

  1. netflixcebulak

    netflixcebulak Fapstronaut

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    Hi, hope I posted in the right section. If not, please correct me.

    I'm not sure where to begin but I'm gonna do my best to cover most of my story/problem. I'm a confident guy in my early 20s and I think I'm on this mysterious flatline and don't really know what to do. Let's start the story how I ended up writing this post. I actually never knew about such thing as flatline. Just researched it yesterday.

    I was a heavy porn user, masturbating almost every day sometimes couple times a day. I actually started early - probably primary school. I tried to quit a couple of times. It always went kind of like this - I quit for bout 2 weeks to a month (sometimes even less), lost my sex drive, then it always came back and hit so hard that I was back watching porn and jerking off. I had intimate contacts with girls throught my school years but no actual sex/penetration. Never had any problems getting hard. I did actually notice some problems described with porn addiction - hard time trying to focus, hard time learning, feeling down/depressed, thinking about sex all the time. It got better and worse but always was there.

    I haven't watched porn/masturbated for about a week now. I don't feel like masturbating/watching porn at all and unfortunately after my last sex session - I don't feel like having sex either even though I want to do it. It's very weird. I'm attracted to my girl, I want to spend as much time as I can with her and pleasure her so I think not having a desire for her isn't the issue. I just feel like having sex but my body doesn't...

    I met a girl less than a year ago, we started going out maybe a month ago and ended up in bed this week. Before we decided to sleep together I was having very strong erections when I was with her. I was only experienced with, let's say handwork and she told me she had only 1 (quite bad) experience so we both were pretty stressed out. I was doing my best to be calm, guide her but still saw that she was very anxious (even though I made sure that she 100% wanted everything with no pressure).

    She came once during foreplay but didn't really want to do much for me, which was first time that night I felt not 100% hard (even though I had an erection). Of course I didn't want to force her to do anything so I went with it. Her vagina was very contracted, it was very hard to penetrate her as we tried multiple positions. Afterall the harder we tried, the worse it got. I lost it for a while, condom slipped off and there was that. I didn't want to give up that easy. It took me couple minutes to get hard again (very anxious at this point and trying not to show it). I ended up stimulating her clit with my boy and we both came, but it took me quite longer than usual. Afterall we were both satisfied.

    And now all my questions:

    1. Am I even flatlining or is it some other issue?

    2. Have any of you been in a similar situation?

    3. What was quitiing P/M like for you? How long it took to recover?

    4. When should I expect to regain my sex drive/morning woods/random boners etc.?

    5. Should I have sex or take things slow and clear my mind for a while?


    I'm pretty into this girl, wouldn't want her to feel unwanted. I realise that it's gonna get better sometime in the future but I'm still anxious cause I don't want it to destroy our relationship and I don't want to underperform. So far things are good but what about next time and the time after that etc. I bought a pack of them skinny lubbed condoms - maybe they will make a difference. I'm not sure if I should try them immidiately or just take things slow for a while.

    If you read so far - thank you and please share your valuable advice. Cheers and good luck.
     
    Alex 623 likes this.
  2. p1n1983

    p1n1983 Fapstronaut

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    When you are in a flatline you don't even want to have sex. So you are not into one.

    Yeap, after years of porn your head get stimulated by porn and not that much by a real person. You brain is not that aroused to a real person that much so the brain don't pump that much blood to your penis.
    You are beginning to start having erection problems. At the start it beging with a D at 80% erection... then 60%.. and after years of porn users get to the point of 0% erection. They have a hot woman in their bed, they want to f*k her but they are not able to get an erection.


    Is different for every user and background. Just know for sure that if you keep doing it, eventually you are not going to be able to get an erection.

    You bombarded your brain with porn for years. Don't spect to heal it in a couple of week or months. Just let porn go and have healthy sex, eventually your brain and erections are going to get better and better.

    Have as much healthy sex as you want. The idea is to avoid artificial sex and promote healthy sex. Let the brain know that healthy sex is the only one and adapt to it.
     
    netflixcebulak likes this.
  3. netflixcebulak

    netflixcebulak Fapstronaut

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    I understand. Thank you for your take.
     
  4. Trobone

    Trobone Fapstronaut

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    Sounds more like performance anxiety and newness than flatline.

    First times usually suck. Have a laugh about it together, try again. And if it takes a few times to get into a groove, who cares. Try and enjoy what happens instead of getting mad or sad or anxious that it's not going as you want.

    Worrying about not 100% erect or how wet she is or who orgasms first or condoms and stuff - it's normal. But that's what is holding you back.
     
    netflixcebulak likes this.
  5. netflixcebulak

    netflixcebulak Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for your take. It's not a dealbreaker definately but still you know.. The problem def exists cause I was pretty heavy porn user, especially for the last 2 years + started young. I did get some random erections thorught last days but not 100% and pretty short term. I also feel little to none sex drive for now. And ye you're right, first time not quite like I imagined it :rolleyes:
     
  6. karshup

    karshup Fapstronaut

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    if you get a morning wood then nothing is wrong with your body. It is mostly psychological. The incident that you mention resonates with me. I have been through that as well. It was performance anxiety. Try meditation and for the time being do not worry about erections.

    You should also eat well, sleep and work out, repeat.

    You are in your early 20s so I dont think you have harmed yourself. I used to fap 5 times a day sometimes with porn or sometimes without porn. I developed performance anxiety few years ago. Some days were good and some days were bad. Also, being with superficial girls didnt help. Now I am trying to heal myself but it is mostly self love and affirmations that I am fine in bed. Best Idea would be to date one nice girl for the time being and maybe tell her eventually that you are on no PMO streak. Talking and sharing helps in most of the cases. Sometimes it just ruins it haha
     
    netflixcebulak likes this.
  7. netflixcebulak

    netflixcebulak Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for your reply. I already went back to working out after more than a month (covid blocked our gyms :/). My dietary habits were pretty bad beacause of the gym closing, which is why I've also started suplementing important microelements (Mg, Zn, etc.). I'm also in the process of losing weight (lost ~44 pounds in last 4-5 months) and I realise my diet wasn't as varied as it should've been, ~1500kcal which is very low for me. She actually told me that it was very good but you know, not quite like I imagined it in my head.
     
  8. karshup

    karshup Fapstronaut

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    wow you lost 44 pounds 5 months...amazing.

    you are on the right track...keep going
     
  9. netflixcebulak

    netflixcebulak Fapstronaut

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    Thank you, still a bit overweight tho but getting there.
     

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