Seeking Self-Control and A Fresh Start (18 y/o guy)

Hello everyone,

I've stumbled upon this website by chance while browsing on my phone and I was really happy to discover the NoFap community. So a little bit about myself: I am an 18 year-old male who just recently graduated from high school. I finished my exams about a week ago and due to enter college this year. Ever since I was 13, I have been masturbating even before I actually properly understood the actual meaning of the term. I couldn't remember getting a proper wet dream, and I often tricked myself by edging my erection and rubbing onto the bed (without hands) during my sleep. Ever since then, this has been my main method of masturbation for years...

As I learnt later on, this was indeed masturbation, and I knew it was wrong but I was obsessed with it. I did it every night, especially after getting aroused looking at pictures of muscular men online. I began fantasizing men with muscles at around the same age as I began chronically masturbating. I consider myself straight, but I can't help but fantasize homosexual and homoerotic scenes and get painfully aroused afterwards. This made me confused about my sexuality, and I hope that I will find out what I actually am after a period of abstinence.

At around 15 or 16 years old, I began watching actual porn (before, they were simply pictures or erotic stories). At first, I was watching it out of curiosity, but it soon enough became a habit. I began masturbating regularly to porn videos online, both straight and male gay porn, in addition to drawings and photographs. I also began seeking other various sources, including hentai (animated Japanese porn) and erotic fanfiction about my favourite shows. I knew what I was doing was getting out of hand, but I couldn't bring myself to stop it.

A few days ago, I decided to end this once and for all. I made a promise to myself that I will lay off porn and masturbation for the duration of at least 75 days. Part of the reason was religious (my faith actually forbids masturbation, but I did it anyway) and I felt really guilty for being hypocritical. Another reason was I was afraid of reprocussions in the future. I'm afraid of being desensitized to sex, women and medical problems like erectile dysfunction. I still have a long way ahead of me, and I don't want to ruin it.

Sorry for the long post, but I felt that I had to let it all out. This is the first time I had ever honestly discussed my problem to anyone. I hope you guys will support me in this journey. Thank you!

 

Thank you so much @LakeMichigan for your informative response! The video was extremely helpful and I have learnt a lot about how the brain responds to this addiction. I've been going without resetting for almost a week now and it hasn't always been easy keep going, since I spend a lot of time on my laptop for various purposes. Mornings are the worst, since I've been waking up with painfully hard erections which I know I can't beat off. I'm looking forward to the day when porn and masturbation will be the last thing I would think about in my mind.