Seeking stimulation while married

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by Love Salvation, Oct 22, 2020.

  1. Love Salvation

    Love Salvation Fapstronaut

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    My Childhood had many sexual experiences and I believe this could be a root cause to the problems that are to follow .
    I recently got married and been so busy with the two Children and situations .
    We have had sex a handful of times .
    Though the first few times I was so nervous I couldnt barely get an erection.
    I have an easy time getting aroused by seeing other women but when I'm trying to have sex it's hard for me I have to push away the anxiety and I don't really enjoy it besides just Orgasming
    I don't feel this deep connection with her while I have sex and it bothers me I feel distant . She is really sexy so that isn't a problem.
    I need some support and advice . I've been edging recently also with youtube and girls I see ...
    Also when I have sex sometimes I will think of other women to be able to orgasm .
    It's been hard to admit and it hurts me so much . I want to serve my wife with everything . I hope someone has some advice

    I'm going to edit this when I have more time
     
    Last edited: Oct 22, 2020
    RockyRocky and Di.Do.555 like this.
  2. Saythatagain

    Saythatagain Fapstronaut

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    I think a lot of what you are saying is some what normal. Depending on how long you have been using pornography you have trained your brain to not have a connection between Love and sex. PMO becomes transactional meaning of I stroke it for so many minutes and look at these different images then it will equal an orgasm. You never disappoint yourself even if you cum fast because there is no one else in the transaction. With your wife you have a relational transaction or sold and you have someone else to please and you have to pace yourself. It’s much harder, it requires trust, communication and understanding. You may cum too fast, she may not cum but you want success. It’s hard to do but relax and talk. Enjoy each other, talk and say what feels good. If you cum fast then move to going down on her and using your fingers. You can build up but it takes time.
     
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  3. dandausa

    dandausa Fapstronaut

    An older man told me recently that it's about being best friends to make the sex great. I really do see this. I have girl friends who I'm comfortable with physically. But you have to build up trust. Start doing things with her that are physical where you can learn to trust each other that are not sexual and you will not use them to lead into sex. Play games together, maybe become volleyball partners, workout together, or start learning to dance together. I've found that feeling comfortable with someone is that you trust each other with each other's bodies and while I don't have sex because of my desire to do it in marriage, I can see why this would be hard if you're not comfortable with each other.

    And another thing, you should try to have sex without orgasm. Most guys are orgasm addicts and I think if you can break that connection of I have to orgasm when I have sex that should be helpful. I learned that in "The Way of the Superior Man"
     
    Last edited: Oct 24, 2020
  4. Di.Do.555

    Di.Do.555 Fapstronaut

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    All you need is time and patience.
    Firstly you need to heal any early trauma.
    Secondly, you need to stop p and fantasising.
    It will eventually happen.
     
    CrimsnBlade likes this.
  5. HerrFritz

    HerrFritz Fapstronaut

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    I'm happy that i found this forum today. It's my first day without PMO and when I read the stories here, I can see that I'm not the only one struggeling. The reason why I reply here, is because I'm having the same issues. The only thing different is that I'm cumming way to fast. I always thought that I was one of the unlicky guys who suffers from premature ejaculation. But reading all these stories here, made me realise that my addiction can be a cause of this issue. I decided to ban porn from my life and I hope it will connect me more to my wife. I really hope you can as well! Good luck!
     
  6. CrimsnBlade

    CrimsnBlade Fapstronaut

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    For me, one of the things that helped restore/renew the connection with my wife was to try to do a 90 day challenge with no PMO. I spoke to her about it first and we agreed to try it out, so we didn't do anything for an extended period. When we did come back together it really was different, there was a deeper connection, more passion and emotion. It made a difference for us.
     
    Psalm27:1my light likes this.

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